Punch (55.1868)

PITY THE POOR PRISONERS!

Scene—County Prison: Visiting Justices on Inspection.

Visiting Justice. “Any Complaints?”

Prisoner. “ Yes, your Honour. We ’re guv on’y one Bucket at Shavin’ Time, so we’ve all got to dip our Razors in
the same Water, and who knows wot Skin Diseases a Cove might ketch ! ”

A CABBY QUESTION.

Mr. Punch,—Sir,

Being attached to a public vehicle, I trust I am not abusing
the licence granted to individuals of my stamp in conveying to you my
ideas on a subject of great political importance. My shafts may not be
so pointed or satirical as yours, but they are much more irritating, and
| when chewing my oats, 1 often think of Silakspeare’s familiar line,

! “ Let the galled jade wince,” and fancy he must have had in his fine
poetic eye a London cab-horse like myself, with wheels behind wheals.

Although by habit identified with the party of progress, my instincts
; are purely Conservative. I have great respect for our Prime Minister,

; because he has succeeded (which I have not) in raising himself from
I the ranks. Looking at his new Reform Bill from my stand-point, I
heartily approve of that clause in it which prohibits cabs from being
| employed for electioneering purposes. Well do I remember what
sufferings I endured to bring in the popular candidates at the last
election. 1 was completely run off my legs, and compelled to strain
my sinews in a cause which I conscientiously detested. It is very sin-
gular that Blues as a rule carry more weight than Buffs, which can
only be accounted for by Dublin Stout having a greater specific gravity
than spirits-and-water. Those who stand up for our “ glorious consti-
tution ” know well what generous support it derives from malt and
hops scientifically combined, and they generally fortify themselves
accordingly before they start for the hustings. Men of stable minds
despise toady.

I presume, Mr. Punch, that you are hand and glove with the Govern-
ment Whip't Be so good, then, as to ask him, in order that the Cabby
question may have a Cabinet answer, as cabs are scratched for the
approaching race between Disraeli and Gladstone, whether sedan-
chairs are legal conveyances ?

I am not at all clear on this point, for as no Act of Parliament, I am
told, was ever framed, but a coach-and-four could drive through it, I

should be surprised if in one that has been more tinkered than any
other, a loophole could not be found wide enough to admit a wheel-
barrow.

In any event, Reform must be a boon to the working-horses of this
vast Metropolis, whose energies are now relieved from an oppressive
poll-tax.

I hate agitation, and think that many of our parliamentary leaders
require curbing. There is far too much play about their heads, and
their mouths are not near so tender as they should be.

You are aware that I am an humble votary of the Mews, and I beg
therefore to subscribe myself by my nom de plume.

Very truly yours,

Whetstone Parle, Lord Mayor’s Day. Aurora Floyd.

A ROCK CRYSTAL.

We would give a small sum — say the worth of the Cabinet^
chance of life—to be so near Mr. Disraeli as to be able to see his
face wrhen he sees (as he will see for the first time when reading his
Punch) the following conclusion of an article in which one of the
“ religious ” papers commends him to the battle, as Achilles dismissed
Patroclus, with a prayer, to the fight in which he fell:—

“ May the great Protestant statesman who is now piloting the vessel of the
State under Providence in a dangerous sea and amidst Rocks of peril (we do
not allude to ourselves) trust not merely to human foresight however clear, or
to genius however gifted, but like the wise mariner who pilots his barque by
looking for guidance to one fixed star above him, so may Mr. Disraeli look
to that Great Light above him which never leads astray, and never ceases to
shine on all who truly seek it, and trust in it.”

We must preserve this as one of the Election gems. What will the
Poclc say, if Mr. Disraeli runs his barque ashore ?