Punch (55.1868)

November 21, 1868.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

219

SPAIN.

(From our own Correspondent.)

hat do the Oxford Dons say
to the Spanish Devolution ?
1 believe they have given in
their adhesion to the Provi-
sional Government. 1 have
been asked why they don’t
offer the crown to the O’Con-
nor Don. But how do I
kn-ow ? Or, if I did, how can
1 tell ? I can’t: I won’t.

The present state of Spain
is impecuniosity. Isabella
could come back, for money :
if there was any money to come back for. If she only promised to
be good for the future (and she has made one step, you see, by
shutting the Palace door, after the Intendant had stolen off, against
future male ballet-dancers or opera-singers, and _ to be opened
ouly to grandees), she might yet make friends with the people:
1 hough never with the Beds, who had much better be left to cut each
other’s throats, as assuredly they will do in due course of time. As
your correspondent, I refuse all offers, and never take a bribe: remember
that fact, if you please, next quarter. The Spaniards are not a bit like
Don Giovanni or Leporello, or anybody I ever saw in their costume ; so
they must be wrong. Perhaps before the Devolution it was otherwise:
now, at all events, will be the time for a theatrical costumier, Don
Mails de Bos Streetos, e. g., to come over and get first-rate dresses
for a mere song, or if not for an entire song, at all events for a couple
of small notes.

My national anthem has not been adopted yet. It commences—

Sing a hymn
To General Prim,

Tall and slim,

Stern and grim,

Stout of limb,

Eyes not dim,

Likes to swim,

That’s his whim,*

English Pym,

Though a Sim,+

Was like him.

Bright and dim +

As Cherubim,

Or Shakspeare’s
Call iu Tim
And Cardinal Xim—

—enes, to the rim
Pill, to the Brim,

Por he’s no Crim—

* —inal is Prim,

So Drink to him !
and

Dowse the glim !

So I went to bed, exhausted by my carouse with the joyous Muse.
Don’t let Tennyson see the above before you publish it, or he ’ll swear
he did it. I could tell you a story about-—but no matter. But look
here: just before the post goes, “ Why is the Poet Laureate an ill-
educated Person ?” Mind, I bear him no spite. Well, Sir, I guess'it
is because he is the Half read Tennyson. (I mean ,’Alf-rcd.) Good-bye.

* This has a deep political signification, which you could only understand
hy being on the spot, and even then it would be difficult.

t A follower of the late Eev Mr. Simeon, of Cambridge. Pym, I am
aware, lived some years before this gentleman, but he may be said to have
followed his opinions. At all events, 1 do say it.

X A very North Country word, signifying much the same as bright, only
different. I am aware that my use of Cherubim is not poetically correct: it
is, however, licensed.

A Chime for Ch. Ch.

Oxford, deaf to voice of charmer.

Will not bear of Doundell Palmer.

If there ever comes a crisis
Threatening vested rights by Isis,
Oxford, frightened, we’ll be bound, ’ll
Wish for champion like Sir Doundell.

to the thoughtful.

Not every man can grow Coffee who has coffee grounds in his cup.

BUMPKINS ON BRIBERY.

(by MR. HOME GREEN.)

The canvass at Aldershott Camp, I ’ll be bound,

’Ood cover a good many acres o’ ground.

Now canvass all over the country we see ;

Some fellers come down here a canvassun me.

I went t’other day to the next market town.

There was handbills and squibs stuck all over the Crown ;
Likewise the White Hart they had beautified too ;

The one bills all yaller, the t’others all blue.

At that time Bill Buckle, the saddler, come by.

We both was athirst, and the Wheatsheaf well nigh-;
About the Election our talk mostly run,

And I poked up friend Bill wi’ some o’ my fun.

“ Well, Willum,” I sez to un, “ bisnus is—how? ”

“ Oh, well,” he replies, “ pretty middlun, jest now.

“ At ’lection times, hereabout, Willum,” sez I,

“ ’Tis sed as how prices do mostly run high:

“ I’ve heerd leather gaiters was last time so rare.

Some on um was sellun’ at ten pound a pair.

And how about sugar ? Han’t nare a balloon
Brought down to this burry the Man in the Moon?

Says Bill, “ Sitch fine limes as they once have a ben,
I’m feared wc bain’t gwiun’ to zee here again;

But, Bribery Acts let um pass as they ’ool,

The pus as is longest will have the best pull.

“ Supposin’ I do sell my birthright, why not,

To gie ’n away right when no judgment 1 ’ve got ?

1 han’t a got no other rason to vote.

And better than none I accounts a bank-note.”

Sez I, “ Bill, that, there’s thought a sensible rule
By others, ’sides you, that be less knave than fool.

The end o’ which is that the country gits sold
To Bailwaymen, jobbers, and schemers, for gold.

“ As no better rason than money you own,

Per votun’, your best, plan’s to lave it alone.

That there, Bill, ’s the dooty o’ fellers like yon,

Your country to serve ’tis the most you can do.”

“ My country be Mowed! ” was Bill Buckle’s reply;

“ And as for my dooty I don’t know, not I,

No more nor the Church Catechism do declare.

And no word I knows on agin sugar there.”

Taking Things Philosophically.

Deader, what is your idea of the best way of spending one of these
long November evenings pleasantly 1 Is it not to attend a meeting of ,
the Cambridge Philosophical Society—going, it may be, an hour before-
hand, to secure a good seat—and listen to, perhaps, in the excitement
of the moment, encore, “Communications on the 1 actorial Desolution ot

x" •— 2 cos na -)— ; ” and “ On some Porismatic Problems ? ” We are
x“

sure it is, and we hope you enjoyed yourself, and had a tumbler when
ail was over.

A Constituent’s Question.

When Candidates, to gain your votes,

In urgent manner sue,

Their importunity denotes

That they’ve some end in view.

Do Bailwaymen at public good.

Or private objects aim ?

Of all such customers you should
Ask—“ What’s your little game?”

a pastoral idea.

A Bishop’s crook reminds him that he is, as it were, a Shepherd ; and
then, if there are any Bitualists in his diocese, he must regard them as
so many silly sheep that have got the staggers.

medicociiirurgical gastronomy.

Examiner. What is the best local application for gastritis ?
Candidate. Bread sauce.