Punch: Punch (57.1869)

October 2, 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

131

CASES SHOT FLYING.

MOST IMPORTANT

Readers whose relish of fun exceeds their philanthropy will be To att °f the Theatrical Profession whom it may concern. A Utter
more amused than shocked by the following extract, from the British addressed in great haste to Mr. Punch.

Medical Journal.— _ Historically Learned Sir,

" ST. BAETHOLOMEW'S HOSPITAL AND ITS OUT-PATIENTS. ! You are archaeological, no end. Do you know this item?

« The issue at present raised at St. Bartholomew's Hospital between part of j Important to Clowns and Pantomimists generally. I have only just
the staff (as represented by Dr. Mayo) and the Governors of the Institution, I opened a book in which I ve tound this most curious information:—
is one about the results of which there can be but little doubt; and as to its '< A Cardinal's Hat was destined for Grimaldi, but he died just before his
rights, none at all. Dr. Mayo, on urdertaking the office of House-Physician, i intended promotion."
finds that, in addition to his ward duties, he is required also to see casualty T . , , .

out-patients; to take, indeed, a third-share of from400 to 500 every morning, [ 1 closed the book at once, and rushed to the desk. What does

and to see them at the rate of 100 per hour. His work in this department DR. gumming ( Gumming Events I call him, 'cos he's always

must be over by one o'clock, for at that hour it is his duty to attend the prophesying)—what, I say, does Dr. CuMMING think of this? Why

physician of the day in his ward visit. Against this state of things Dr. Mayo there's hope for old Pantaloon to be " afterwards Bishop," Columbine

protests." (whose original I suppose, by the way, was wife of Columbus) will be

-m-„ t\ >/r , . • . i , . e ,i • v " afterwards Mother Superioress," Harlequin a Subdeacon, and Sprites,

Well may Dr. Mayo protest against such a state of things Your Acol tes_ Wh gir » h ^ ^ t th Convert;d clo^ £

friend m Horace often as, by way of a feat, he dictated two hundred nowhere after this v

verses in an hour, stanspede in uno, never did anything equal to the ' Yours, ever,

performance, exacted from a physician, of prescribing for 100 patients J Sam Sudden.

in the same space of time It is conceivably possible to knock off two p g Qn continuin? al of the book l fiud (in honest £ am

hundred verses for a poelliteral y standing at ease like a stork but not bound to inform u) ^the above item of surprising intelligence is

for a doctor, even on both legs, to knock off so many patients, though t of tne Mst Jof 'Mona b the middle y aad°that t£e iUus.

m attempting to do so he would be likely enough to knock some ot trious ^ of the t Duffoou was Bis£ ' and prmce o£ that

them off with a vengeance, especially if he incurred a verdict of man- historical prmcipaHty. What's in a name ? Why enough to mislead

slaughter. Indeed, the idea ot a physician, despatching so many patients yours ever g g

in so short a time as Dr. Mayo was required to do, suggests a compari- ' ' _
son, not so much with the poet Lucilius, as with the historical dog

Billy, celebrated for killing a hundred rats in five minutes. The THE TUB IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE.

benevolent Governors of St. Bartholomew's need only have their atten- < . vjv, v j • u j • v. .»

.■ j- „ j. i j .i i_ . • . j i , ui +u ™ + „ 4-v,„ 1 he rose had been washed, mst washed m a shower,

tion directed to the last instanced analogy to enable them to see the ' J

necessity of providing a medical staff sufficiently large to insure all < This poetical statement may be suggested to the Londoner returning
the out-patients, as well as the inmates of that hospital, the full and , to Town by the appearance of the statues in Trafalgar Square, although
sufficient consideration of their several cases. it is applicable to them only in part. They look as fresh as the man-

gold, turnips, and other root-crops washed by the late rains, but have
~ , themselves been washed with dilute sulphuric acid. Napier and

t tatt? r»t? is mmr -p TAT „„ ! Havelock have been much improved by the application of this deter-

LINE Ot BATTLE IN SMOKE. gent; so has George the Fourth, who has also had a good deal of

We trust we shall ever preserve our friendship with the countrymen 7itr}oi ™ a "Ti con9e^ratild form P°.ured ?n hi? memory. Napier

of Hans Breitmann. We allowed Denmark to be robbed of Schles- L°oks remarkably bright; Havelock is as clean, but ot a more sober

wig-Holstem, and tolerated the total theft of Hanover; so that there 5r°wn : and jjie *7e- rfPT* u°n a £&?RGu °, ^ 8aD*e.fae?

seems to be no conceivable offence that can hook us into a war with dark"- But H's ^efP has bee1n effectually cleaned, and the First

Prussia and Germany. That view is a pleasant one to contemplate for Gentleman in Europe can no longer be classed among the Great
thinking people, who, but for it,, would be rendered very uneasy by the oWas^f , ,• .1 . e at , n , • •

following statement in a Times' leader on " The Cruise of the Lords of Sl,R EofIN s at fthe fbasf °f N,ELS0?,s column retain their

tie Admiralty" •_ sombre colour, which contrasts strikingly with the brilliancy ot the

genius that designed them. They remain dark lions, not to say black

" It has been imagined that the introduction of steam-power would render lions, for a black lion does not, exist in creation, exists only on canvass,

naval tactics of extreme importance in any future engagements, but when on or rather, perhaps, we should say board, and is not to be named in

one occasion the ships were ordered to go into action, it was found that a few connection with Sir Edwin Landseer, at any rate. Indeed, did the

minutes sufficed to envelope the whole fleet m so dense a cloud of smoke that Catalogue of the Royal Academy Exhibition ever contain any entry of
signals were no longer visible and all that any vessel could do was to hre as WQrk f A t b auybody whomsoever to which an appropriate quota-

rapidly as possible into the darkness around her. .• .. ij V i. -a a + i u a- : a •

r J tion or motto could have been considered to have been adjoined m

Now, those Deutschers are confoundly clever fellows : particularly Ecce signum ?

at chemistry. Gun-cotton, which was discovered by one of them, is a In London, having, as Englishmen, experienced the advantage of

substance they are at work on perfecting. No doubt they will soon cleanliness, we are now, from tubbing ourselves, proceeding to tub our

make it available, so as to supersede powder, for naval gunnery. Gun- statues. In Continental capitals, of which the air contains little soot,

cotton goes off without smoke. In the happily almost impossible event the monuments may not stand in need of that process so much as the

of a war with them, our ships, enveloped in smoke of our own clumsy inhabitants do.
making, would blaze away at theirs in the dark, at random, with useless

guns of precision, whilst they would fire with unerring aim at the CORRUPTERS AND CADS,
hashes ot our guns, and the end of our first sea-fight with them would

be, that the British would be sent to the bottom by the German Fleet. Thus, truly in a sense, remarks the Times, in a leader suggested by

the Election Commissions :—

" It has been said that there would be no bribery if there were no gentlemen

The Recognition of Merit. to bribe-"

It seems that a work entitled Lives of Eminent Serjeants is nearly Wel1'* ?™ : with ™?ard *° what th*f stfteme,nt ^u'ui^f ^

ready for publication. All who are interested in the welfare of our are,no ^ntlemen to bribe. There are blackguards Only blackguards

Army must rejoice that the gallant, deeds of some of its non-com- i bnbe ? blackguards only are bribed ; bvt the former blackguards

missioned officers are about to be made more widely known; and the kn0^m? better than ?e latfter> are ^e worse, and, richer as they are

wish will probably be felt that, as a sequel, the public may be favoured 7^fl the excuse of want> more richly deserve imPrisonment and

with Lives of Distinguished Corporals, commencing with "Le Petit hard labour. ________ ______

Caporal,"—the great Napoleon himself. Tt is not said to whom

the volume on "Serjeants" is to be dedicated—probably to the A New School.

Commander-in-Chief. _ ^ New critical journal is announced, to come from the respected

house in Albemarle Street. It is to be called The Academy. Now

vice versa. Academia was a piece of land on the Cephissus, six stadia from Athens,

TnE Post, in an ecclesiastical article, remarks :— originally belonging to a hero, Academus, and subsequently a gym-

., ... . ,, , . aj, „. . j j, ,, nasium. Here taught Plato, whose lollowers were hence ca led

ihese things are a step in the adaptation of the Church to the masses." Academics. The editor of the Academy told us this in the strict con-

Of altar candles, genuflexions, elevated wafers, and other Ritualist fidence of a classical dictionary. For ourselves we have only to express
instruments and acts you may say, on the other hand, " These things our hope that in this Academy the birch will be unsparingly used,
are a step in the adaptation of the Masses to the Church." j There is a precious deal of sound flogging wanted in various quarters.