Punch: Punch (57.1869)

136

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 9, 1869.

CROWING ON ONE'S OWN-DELMONICO.

he Harvard crew obligingly reserved, until getting
home, the true reasons of their defeat by Oxford.
Here they admitted that everything had been fair
and honourable, and that the best men had won.
But at a banquet at Delmonico's, in New York, they have had another
tale to tell. They attribute their defeat,

1. To their not having been allowed to run about for exercise, at

Putney, in the costume of Adam before the Fall.

2. To their not having been able to get sea-bathing at Putney.

3. To " bother " in getting food, which they say they had to obtain

secretly, and at different places, for fear of its being "drugged."

4. To their having got the " wash" of the Oxford crew.

It is almost a pity that these things were not thought of sooner.
The first difficulty could easily have been met by a police order like
that issued in behalf of Lady Godiva. The second, by an express
train being always ready to rush off with them to Brighton. The
third, we own, was serious, but the precautions taken with race-horses
might have been adopted, and a Taster have been appointed by the
American minister. As to the fourth, we can only say that Cambridge
never raised such an objection, and, with all deference, we think it is
rather a wishy-washy excuse. We half suspect that the American
nature is not suited to athletic contests in which, sad to say, somebody
must be beaten. However, here is an end of an affair which perhaps
had better not have come off.

A LIGHT MATTER.

It is alleged that an invention has recently been made whereby
sewage, by some process, is converted into gas. Setting the Thames
on fire may be, therefore, viewed as possible, and, doubtless, also
profitable. Perhaps, too, the invention may be turned to such good
use that our sewage may be burned before polluting our fair river.
We now throw it to the dogs by wasting it at Barking. By convert-
ing it to gas we should certainly establish the fact of our enlighten-
ment. The cost of gas at present is so heavy here in London that
nobody but millionnaires can afford well to make light of it.

A Lively Spot.

Some people have curious notions. A Correspondent of the Athe-
naeum, who has been at Cette, after telling us that he " mounted the
famous hill which dominates the town to get a good view of the
beautiful Mediterranean," goes on to speak of the scorpions to be
found on this hill, and concludes by saying, " Cette, too, is famous for

A SPIRITUAL SALE.

" What a scandal, to take up a newspaper and find whole columns devoted
to the advertisements of sale of livings ; and to see the tone and language of
some of the advertisements themselves!" — Archbishop of Oanterbwy's

Address, Sept. 2, 1869.

Going, going, going!

I'm going to tell you a tale,
Stranger than any you ever could learn
Prom spirits that rap or tables that turn,

Of a very remarkable sale.

Going, going, going!

No need very far to go.
Buy the Ecclesiastical Gazette,
Where " Spiritual" goods and chattels are set,
The zeal of unbeneficed clerks to whet,

Like " temporals " all of a row.

Going, going, going !

The articles selling here
Are of Church Preferment some rare tit-bits,
And Simon Magus himself he site

Enthroned as auctioneer.

Going, going, going!

(Number three hundred and eight)
" The present incumbent is eighty-two;"
Let's hope that he's ailing and feeble too,
But, youthful apostles, in any case you

Can't have very long to wait.

Going, going, going!

Perchance it may help him on,
When he hears the chink of the purchaser's gold,
And knows his poor frail life is sold—
We may trust very soon this disciple old

Will be going, going, gone !

Going, going, going!

Number one is, of course, the best.
" Walled gardens well-stocked and pleasure grounds,"
1 'm free to confess, Mb. Bagstek, it sounds

Like an " everlasting rest.''

Going, going, going!

Geokge Robins this smacks of you—
" Magnificent views " and " a house replete
With every convenience " the buyer may meet,

Who goes in for number two.

Going, going, going!

Reflect, before you refuse,
The " views " described with cool effront'ry
Are simply views across the country,

And not " religious views."

Going, going, going !

Particulars may be seen,
Though " confidentially " names must lurk
In that interesting spiritual work,

Simon Magus—his Magazine.

Going, going, going!

(Three hundred and twenty-five)
" A lawn and paddock and pond of fish."
If fishes, not " men," the rector may wish
To " cure," for a future dainty dish,

It's here he can " catch 'em alive."

Going, going, going !

Here's a buyer " declining pews.
It's plain his sermons don't draw renters.
Another rather likes Dissenters—

" Holds Evangelical views."

Going, going, going!

The sooner it's going and gone,
The sooner we call ourselves Mormon or Turk,
The better, "if this is Christian work,"

Or Christian " goings " on !

Wonderful Invention.

mosquitoes ; in fact, it is altogether a most interesting place." Scor- I Everyone has heard of self-made men, but it may not perhaps be
pions and mosquitoes ! opinions perhaps might differ, as to Cette being j equally well known that there are also " Ready-made and Bespoke
' a most interesting place." I Tailors." Patterns can be had on application.