Punch (59.1870)

September 3, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

SOPS FOR O'CERBERUS.

Ma. Punch,

These is one point
wherein the Liberal Go-
vernment, in the policy
■which it is pursuing
towards Ireland, shows
itself unworthy of its
name. It most unwisely
neglects a class of
persons exercising the
strongest influence for
good and evil, but chiefly
for good, if chiefly for
their own good, oyer
warm-hearted and im-
pulsive Irishmen. Irish
opinion is formed, Irisli
opinion is swayed, by
Irish journalists, I beg
their pardon, by the gen-
tlemen of the Irish Press.
These gentlemen are now
actively engaged in writing down the aggressive Germans, and
abusing us English for our alleged sympathy with them rather than
with the invaded French. Thus, they not only intensify their country-
men's natural animosity against the proud Saxon, but also do their
utmost to embitter his French neighbours against him too, with a view
to bring down upon us the future vengeance of Louis Napoleon rein-
stated in absolute power. Their diatribes, omnipotent in their own
country, have little less influence in France, where they are almost
universally perused on account of the elegance, as well as the eloquence,
of which they are patterns in style. Now, what has Mb. Gladstone's
Administration done to conciliate these formidable adversaries ? Nothing.
On the contrary, it has exasperated them by menaces which, from a
contempt, as insulting as injudicious, for their splendid invectives, it
has failed to enforce.

Sir, it is time to tell a mistaken Ministry that they must not think to
terrify those undaunted patriots by shaking the rod of a Coercion Bill
over their heads. This is not the way to silence their bold out-speak

WAR NEWS.

MOST IMPORTANT.

Question put by Numerous Influential and Anxious Readers.—We know,
Sir, that M. About is safe again in Paris, but. Sir, the public mind is
anxious on behalf of yottr Correspondent. What, Sir, has become of
the eallant Captain Dyngwell, who, at the very commencement of
the War, wrote to you to say that " he and another Cockalorum were
proceeding to the scene of action with a cartload of iced brandy and
soda for the neutral refreshment of the belligerent powers" ? What,
Sir, we ask, nay, we demand to know, what has become of that active
and intelligent ofiicer, Captain Dyngwell ?

*** Since July 30th nothing has been received from the Captain.
We much regret-

*#* We take out a heap of type, in order to calm the public
agitation with the following, just received :—

On the Frontier Somewhere. [No date.~}
Have you got all the letters, plans of scrimmages, and regular merry-
go-rounder maps of the whole biliug out here from your Own Special
Cockalorum, or not?* If you have, 'tain't quite the kickup, your
Washup, not to say you have, and send your poor soldier a paper.

Quite the gay military out here. Everybody more all over the shop
than ever. The E. and S. spec nowhere, and the little lot seized as
contraband of wax-. Swaggered a bit: no use. The Prussians, who
are quite the gentlemen, will square us, so we 're hanging on here by
our eyelids. At least, I am. We've not been coining. My partner
said he was going to see his aunt at Brussels, and hasn't turned up
again. Been on the scoop, aunt and all, p'raps, ever since.

I thought I'd just make a penn'orth or two with the remaining
B. and S., about three dozen of each, out of the French army. Got
between two fires. Which Cockalorum was besting the other, would
have stumped the Great Dook himself. " Where are we now ? " says
I. And Your Own would have come to an untimely end if he hadn't
got on the track of the Times Cockalorum (who got quodded
once, you know; he's unquodded now, thanks to a certain gay soldier
who shall be nameless), and sloped into the thin of it. * * * As
I write this, the Prooshans have bustled 'em a bit! ! My wigs ! ain't
we keeping moving ! Here to-day, and gone the day before yesterday,
and. how was you to-morrow? That's it, Sir. No deception, no

ing. How can the Pbemieb fail to discern that there is only one j spring or false bottom, and mitrailleuses quite out of the betting. (By
course, and that not one out of three courses, to disarm their terrible the way, 1 hate a fool. Some Literary Dustman out here says to me.

hostility ! Let him lose no time in repairing the omission he has made
ia his scheme for the pacification of Ireland, by amply subsidising
i hem all. This truly liberal policy would have the certain effect, not,
iadeed, of stopping their fearless utterances, but what would be much
better, of reversing them, and turning sneers, sarcasms, vituperations,
and maledictions into the equally unmeasured language of compliment
and eulogy. Thus the editor and whole staff of such respectable, as
well as powerful papers, as the Irishman, the Flag of Ireland, and the
Nation, would, in what they may call a pig's whisper, be turned from
our outrageous vilifiers into hyperbolical eulogists, as long as ever they
continued to enjoy their subsidies. Of course, provided always that
the subsidy in each case exceeded the amount derivable by its recipient
from the sale of his newspaper. I hope, Mr. Punch, you will be pleased
to print the suggestion which I gratuitously offer to Statesmen, who,
however sagacious, do not know how to deal with Hoolan and
Doolan. And, ever let them remember, gIS jjat QaI q1T0 DaT.

FIRST STITCH IN TIME.

Mouth of the Scheldt never care for a flea :

Guard well that sea-board which fronts the North Sea,

Says a Commander of nautical fame,

Shebabd, that Osbobne is hight by surname.

Harbours of llefuge, kept safe by no shams,
Turret-ships, gun-boats, torpedos, and rams :
These are just now the first needs of this Isle-
Get them. What Army you can, get meanwhile.

says he, " You can't get on without a Pass." " ' Which it are,' said
the Duchess," I replied, believing him, and then, says I, " What pass
shall I ask for ? " He winks his wicked eye, and tells me, " The Pass
of the Vosges." Which was a sell for the Great King, you'll observe,
as I didn't know that the Arosges were mountains, and thought it was
the name of some neutral cove in office, who was to give the order for
Cockalorums to roam about all over the shop. They nearly locked up
this gay Militaire for calling at the official bureau to ask for the Vosges
Pass. I inquired, also, tenderly after Vosges himself. If ever 1 catch
that lively and accomplished Literary, I'm down on him like a cartload
of bricks. When this Gallant Soldier is put out, he ain't that emollient
hair-dye he might be.)

********

Prooshans bustling. French not up to time when the bell ring?.
That's the latest. * * * Just sent in a note to the Cbown Pkinck,
asking to be allowed to join his staff. Wanted to enter the Prussian
service a year ago. Cbown Pbince civil, very ; only objection to my
being quite the cheerful Prooshan officer was my eyeglass. " Sir,"
says I, " I can't see the enemy without my winker." He is considering
the subject. Compromise with spectacles, perhaps. I have bought a
Gee (bay, fifteen-four, and jump anything ; got him cheap 'cos of two
white off-legs), and have placed this neutral but gay Militaire on his
ambling Gee at the service of the Hereditary and noble swell in com-
mand.

Let's know if you get this, and don't say no if you'd rather not

Pre-Occupations.

Minister Chevbeau, in the French Chamber the other day, said, in
answer to M. Gambetta's questions as to the state of things at the
seat of war, that Mabshal Bazaine was too much occupied to be able
to send reports. Query, whether the occupation of Metz had not
more to do with the Marshal's silence, than the occupation of the
Marshal ?

cockneyism in the countby.

1st Cockney. I say, what sort of a 'ouse will do for a Fowl 'Ouse ?
2nd Cockney. Lor' bless yer, Hennj 'Ouse.

All there.

Yours, my distinguished Cockalorum,
Dyngwell.

{And Uolis towards you, Sir, and Sir to you, Sir, artcr that.)
* Xot one has arrived.

Americanism in Paris.

We read in la Vie Farisienne last week : —

" Deux petites dames a cheveux jaunes, une ii cheveux noir3, troia ahery-
goblers a cnalurneau."

To this has an American drink come in Paris ! Ah, Jules, mon ami,
is it that we shall have grogs and shery-goblers'i How will those
other charming names be rendered by Parisians, yclept a Gum-tickler,
an Eye-opener, a Wink and a Sling ?