DOI issue:
September 3, 1870
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16886#0112
September 3, 1870.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
103
ANIMAL WATERS.
There is something well worth seeing and tasting in America just
jiow. Tourists, warred out from Baden and Homburg, may be glad to
know that—
''A hot spring has been discovered in Nevada, from which flows, if not
chicken soup, something so like it, when properly seasoned with pepper and
salt, as to make it impossible to tell one from the other. Three pounds of
beef boiled in the water of this spring will yield as much broth as twelve pounds
boiled in ordinary water. Nor is its usefulness confined to this, for it has
been discovered to possess a property, not found, we believe, in other chicken
soup, of perpetuating itself, so to speak, by hatching out the eggs of its chief
constituent."
How delightful is all this! an ever-flowing, natural tureen of
chicken broth! Patients only required to bring their own pepper
and salt. Nutritious beef-tea and fresh-boiled eggs on the premises.
We are not told who had the distinction of first discovering these
invaluable culinary waters, but he must have been a broth of a boy.
Around them we can picture a handsome city already springing up, to
be known far and wide as Chickenbad. Soon, too, there will be seen
in our own shop-windows an announcement of Bottled Chicken Soup,
newly imported from America.
A iriend, whose weak point is certainly not credulity, observes that
he has a suspicion, just a soup-con, that the whole thing may turn out
a hoax, and that, fond as he is of adventure and novelty, he does not |
intend to go out to Nevada on such a chicken-hazardous expedition.
THE STANDARD OF NEUTRALITY.
Holding, as we do, that it is not the business of newspaper folks to
attack each other, but rather to unite for the general confusion of
mankind, we seldom refer to a contemporary, except in the way of
graceful recognition of his merit. In that spirit Punch, begs cordially
to compliment the Standard, not only on professing the most complete
neutrality of sentiment on the subject of the present war, but on prac-
tising such neutrality in the most fearless manner. That such practice
seems to involve self-stultifieation is a trifle compared to the assertion
of a noble principle. For instance, on Saturday morning the Standard
had two beautifully written leading articles on the peril of Paris. They
came close together, and at the end of the first it was exquisittly
said:—
" If Paris is only as true to its duty as the army, there should be little
fear but that this evil hour may be safely passed ; but on Pakis hangs (sic)
the destinies of FnANCE."
Then came the other leading article, and about fifteen lines after the !
above declaration we read :—
" To-dat Paris would by no means dkag after it the rest of
France, and the situation of affairs in 1870 resembles far more that of 1792
than of 1814 and 1815."
Now this we call true neutrality, and though it may puzzle the
country parson3, it is delightful to those who like to see the British
Press taking its proper position.
TEE ROMAN PEAR.
Good Catholics may be of opinion that the Pope has handselled his
Infallibility by offering to mediate between King William and Louis
Napoleon. That may be doubted by others, who, nevertheless, con-
sider that in so doing his Holiness has done a good action and no
mistake. The Daily Telegraph lately remarked in an article on the
Roman question :—
" The pear is almost ripe, and its fall cannot be delayed many years."
By " the pear " our contemporary means the Temporal Papacy. But
the present Incumbent of the Popedom may be called a pear too.
By his endeavour to put a stop to the war now raging in civilised
Europe, th£ Holy Father has clearly proved himself a "Bon Chretien."
Bloated Armaments.
" Si vis pacem, para helium"
All's not true engrossed on vellum.
Now instructed man alive is
Beltum para bellum si vis.
absence of mind.
Mrs. Malaprop is certainly a most religious woman. Passing down
Great Portland Street last Sunday morning, on her way to church, she
expressed her surprise to her bosom liiend, Mrs. Kamsbotham, that
the new Jewish Synagogue was not open for service !
FAREWELL TO THE RAMROD.
{Sung by a Volunteer.)
Rambod, wherewith I still
Do exercise at drill,
'Tis time that we did part,
For obsolete thou art—
Fare thee well!
Because Britannia's sons
Require breechloading guns,
In case a foreign band
Invade their native land.
Pare thee well!
Go, Ramrod, go thy way,
For thou hast had thy day.
Go, after gun-flints, go,
Like matchlock, arrow, and bow—
Fare thee well !
No more the raw recruit,
Thee, at review, shall shoot
Off, by mischance, among
The British Public's throng—
Fare thee well!
Once trusty rod of steel
In thee, alas ! I feel
That I must cease to trust;
And thou art doomed to rust.
Fare thee well!
Unless, in after years,
With partizans and spears,
Kept burnish'd thou may'st be
In antique armoury.
Fare thee well !
But wherefore do I stand,
Still grasping thee in hand,
Leave-taking o'er and o'er,
And sighing, yet once more—
Fare thee well ?
Because I'm made to wait,
With fire-arms out of date,
For warfare tools unmeet,
So, therefore, I repeat—
Fare thee well!
O, that I could outright
Armed for effectual fight
At instantaneous call
Say, Ramrod, once for all,
Fare thee well!
BOOKLETS.
" Op the making of books there is no end." Did not Socrates, or
Scioppies, or Sardanapalus once say something like this? Whoever
it was, he would have been greatly astounded had he lived in these
times, and seen the daily multiplication of volumes, and the alarming
spread of that fatal epidemic, cacoethes scribendi. Everywhere hand-
books, manuals, introductions, guides to the smallest, as well as the
most important of the many businesses of life ; one of the latest being
The Book of Dinner Serviettes, the author of which was certainly deter-
mined not to fly too high in his search for a subject.
We look forward to seeing many more useful manuals of the same
class, such as The Book of Dressing Table Pincushions, The Book of
Bedchamber Watch-Pockets, &c, and sincerely hope that they may com-
mand as large a sale as they deserve.
Our Reserve Force.
"The annual inspection of the 4th Administrative Battalion of the * * *
Rifle Volunteers took place yesterday evening on the drill-ground. After
falling out, the men were served with supper in the drill-shed."
Sorry to hear it. These are not times for Volunteers to be falling
out. We feel sure all Riflemen will fall in with our views on this
point. However, as the men took supper together, we hope there was
no great harm done; but we trust such a state of things (with the
exception of the supper) will not occur again.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
103
ANIMAL WATERS.
There is something well worth seeing and tasting in America just
jiow. Tourists, warred out from Baden and Homburg, may be glad to
know that—
''A hot spring has been discovered in Nevada, from which flows, if not
chicken soup, something so like it, when properly seasoned with pepper and
salt, as to make it impossible to tell one from the other. Three pounds of
beef boiled in the water of this spring will yield as much broth as twelve pounds
boiled in ordinary water. Nor is its usefulness confined to this, for it has
been discovered to possess a property, not found, we believe, in other chicken
soup, of perpetuating itself, so to speak, by hatching out the eggs of its chief
constituent."
How delightful is all this! an ever-flowing, natural tureen of
chicken broth! Patients only required to bring their own pepper
and salt. Nutritious beef-tea and fresh-boiled eggs on the premises.
We are not told who had the distinction of first discovering these
invaluable culinary waters, but he must have been a broth of a boy.
Around them we can picture a handsome city already springing up, to
be known far and wide as Chickenbad. Soon, too, there will be seen
in our own shop-windows an announcement of Bottled Chicken Soup,
newly imported from America.
A iriend, whose weak point is certainly not credulity, observes that
he has a suspicion, just a soup-con, that the whole thing may turn out
a hoax, and that, fond as he is of adventure and novelty, he does not |
intend to go out to Nevada on such a chicken-hazardous expedition.
THE STANDARD OF NEUTRALITY.
Holding, as we do, that it is not the business of newspaper folks to
attack each other, but rather to unite for the general confusion of
mankind, we seldom refer to a contemporary, except in the way of
graceful recognition of his merit. In that spirit Punch, begs cordially
to compliment the Standard, not only on professing the most complete
neutrality of sentiment on the subject of the present war, but on prac-
tising such neutrality in the most fearless manner. That such practice
seems to involve self-stultifieation is a trifle compared to the assertion
of a noble principle. For instance, on Saturday morning the Standard
had two beautifully written leading articles on the peril of Paris. They
came close together, and at the end of the first it was exquisittly
said:—
" If Paris is only as true to its duty as the army, there should be little
fear but that this evil hour may be safely passed ; but on Pakis hangs (sic)
the destinies of FnANCE."
Then came the other leading article, and about fifteen lines after the !
above declaration we read :—
" To-dat Paris would by no means dkag after it the rest of
France, and the situation of affairs in 1870 resembles far more that of 1792
than of 1814 and 1815."
Now this we call true neutrality, and though it may puzzle the
country parson3, it is delightful to those who like to see the British
Press taking its proper position.
TEE ROMAN PEAR.
Good Catholics may be of opinion that the Pope has handselled his
Infallibility by offering to mediate between King William and Louis
Napoleon. That may be doubted by others, who, nevertheless, con-
sider that in so doing his Holiness has done a good action and no
mistake. The Daily Telegraph lately remarked in an article on the
Roman question :—
" The pear is almost ripe, and its fall cannot be delayed many years."
By " the pear " our contemporary means the Temporal Papacy. But
the present Incumbent of the Popedom may be called a pear too.
By his endeavour to put a stop to the war now raging in civilised
Europe, th£ Holy Father has clearly proved himself a "Bon Chretien."
Bloated Armaments.
" Si vis pacem, para helium"
All's not true engrossed on vellum.
Now instructed man alive is
Beltum para bellum si vis.
absence of mind.
Mrs. Malaprop is certainly a most religious woman. Passing down
Great Portland Street last Sunday morning, on her way to church, she
expressed her surprise to her bosom liiend, Mrs. Kamsbotham, that
the new Jewish Synagogue was not open for service !
FAREWELL TO THE RAMROD.
{Sung by a Volunteer.)
Rambod, wherewith I still
Do exercise at drill,
'Tis time that we did part,
For obsolete thou art—
Fare thee well!
Because Britannia's sons
Require breechloading guns,
In case a foreign band
Invade their native land.
Pare thee well!
Go, Ramrod, go thy way,
For thou hast had thy day.
Go, after gun-flints, go,
Like matchlock, arrow, and bow—
Fare thee well !
No more the raw recruit,
Thee, at review, shall shoot
Off, by mischance, among
The British Public's throng—
Fare thee well!
Once trusty rod of steel
In thee, alas ! I feel
That I must cease to trust;
And thou art doomed to rust.
Fare thee well!
Unless, in after years,
With partizans and spears,
Kept burnish'd thou may'st be
In antique armoury.
Fare thee well !
But wherefore do I stand,
Still grasping thee in hand,
Leave-taking o'er and o'er,
And sighing, yet once more—
Fare thee well ?
Because I'm made to wait,
With fire-arms out of date,
For warfare tools unmeet,
So, therefore, I repeat—
Fare thee well!
O, that I could outright
Armed for effectual fight
At instantaneous call
Say, Ramrod, once for all,
Fare thee well!
BOOKLETS.
" Op the making of books there is no end." Did not Socrates, or
Scioppies, or Sardanapalus once say something like this? Whoever
it was, he would have been greatly astounded had he lived in these
times, and seen the daily multiplication of volumes, and the alarming
spread of that fatal epidemic, cacoethes scribendi. Everywhere hand-
books, manuals, introductions, guides to the smallest, as well as the
most important of the many businesses of life ; one of the latest being
The Book of Dinner Serviettes, the author of which was certainly deter-
mined not to fly too high in his search for a subject.
We look forward to seeing many more useful manuals of the same
class, such as The Book of Dressing Table Pincushions, The Book of
Bedchamber Watch-Pockets, &c, and sincerely hope that they may com-
mand as large a sale as they deserve.
Our Reserve Force.
"The annual inspection of the 4th Administrative Battalion of the * * *
Rifle Volunteers took place yesterday evening on the drill-ground. After
falling out, the men were served with supper in the drill-shed."
Sorry to hear it. These are not times for Volunteers to be falling
out. We feel sure all Riflemen will fall in with our views on this
point. However, as the men took supper together, we hope there was
no great harm done; but we trust such a state of things (with the
exception of the supper) will not occur again.