Punch (59.1870)

101 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 3, 1870

A CAPITAL ANSWER.

" Self-made" Man {examining School, of which he is a Manager). "Now, Boy, what's the Capital of 'Olland ? "
Hoy. "An 'H,' Sir."

RETICENCE IN TIME OF HOW.

The Germans, gallant heroes are, and so the French are too.
What daring deeds the former, and the latter likewise, do !
Whichever may be victors we, in Patrick's phrase, may say,
That matchless valour these and those did equally display.

Thrice is he armed, sings Avon's Swan, that hath his quarrel just.
There's something to be said for both, incandour grant we must.
What's past is ended, bygones to be bygones, then, allow—
Divide pure admiration 'tween those mighty nations now.

A grand old Chief is Prussia's King, in truth a King of Men.
And Bismarck's a sage councillor, of vast and varied ken.
Napoleon, heretofore, has been our true and fast ally,
And yet may live with power to harm or help us by-and-by.

Say nought about ambition, now, or vanity and pride.
Inhuman cynicism forbear to charge on either side.
As quoth Professor Jackson with philosophy immense,
A civil tongue keep firstly in your head for self-defence.

Wait till the British Army, Line, Militia, Volunteers,
Shall, organised, have rid us of invasion from all fears.
Wait till the British Navy shall secure have made our shore:
Then we can speak our mind out as we did in times before.

FIRE AND SMOKE.

"Sib," writes a correspondent of Public Opinion, signing his name
Thom. S. Passmore, " Mr. Ch. Cooke, in your last issue, most sen-
sibly and truly says that ' War clears the moral atmosphere, as
t hunderstorms do the terrestrial one.'" No, Mr. Passmore. Mr. Ch.
Cooke's observation has very little truth in it, and no sense at all.
War may, now and then, clear the moral atmosphere, bat generally
thickens it. For war, friend Passmore, look you, must needs be a

contest either of armed fools with armed fools, armed thieves
\ with armed thieves, or armed thieves with armed policemen. In
| the latter case only does war clear the moral atmosphere. Then it
clears the moral atmosphere of blackguardism in proportion to
| the magnitude of the policemen's victory over the thieves, and
the amount of the butcher's bill the thieves let themselves in for.
I Otherwise, it clears the moral atmosphere no more than the physical.
J On the contrary, it equally obscures the one and the other. It throws
I back civilisation for many years. Familiarising people with carnage
and destruction, it comes to be regarded by them with levity, at least
until they finally draw it down upon themselves. It increases brutality
among the multitude, and it gives occasion to the malignant portion of
the educated classes to sneer at pacific counsels with tongue and pen,
and cry, " Ridiculous are the Peacemakers." The fire and smoke with
which it loads the air we breathe bodily, correspond to the heats and
the darkness which it engenders in that which our minds inhale. War,
unless when just and successful, can clear the moral atmosphere only
by clearing it of morality.

IN VERSE (NON) RATIO.

There was a young man called M'Kenzie,
Whom bagpipes sent into a frenzy ;

Sagacious M'Dottgal

Suggested a bugle,
And played him a tune from Rienzi.

A native of Northern Kentucky

Was esteemed by his friends very lueky ;

His coat was pea-green.

His collars were clean,
And his boots never known to be mucky,

City Telegram {July and August, 1870).—"Any day. Any time.
Stocks and Shocks."