Punch: Punch (60.1871)

May 6, 1871.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 185

RHYME WITHOUT REASON

" Summer Friends," one of Claribel's latest songs,
is advertised with an illustrative stanza (on the same
principle as the man who had a house to let carried about
a brick as a specimen) thus:—

"Where are thy summer friends,
Frierjds of thy youth ?

Gone with the summer birds,
Back to the South.

This leaves it uncertain whether, in order to rhyme,
;' youth" should be sung "yowth," or " south" " suth."
We shall be told, of course, that the rhyme is addressed
to the eye, not to the ear. By such a canon the following
lines may possibly be deemed melodious :—

Peasant Arcadian,

Guiding the plough;
Coarse are your garments,

Your aspect is rough.

Peasant imprudent,

I hear you've a cough ;
Do you feel sure

You 're clad warmly enough ?

Bibulous peasant,

Your voice it is rough ;
You 're no disciple

Of temperate Gough.

Home to your cottage,
You hear the wind's sough.

Even the birdies,
Sing hoarse on the bough.

Home to your cottage,
And bend o'er the trough,

Kneading in loaves
The digestible dough.

Though the bread's heavy,

Unyielding and tough;
Chawbacon's teeth,

Will get easily through.

Mr. Punch commends these stanzas to any French
ladies or gentlemen at present resident in England , who
may be desirous of mastering the ijeculiarities of English
pronunciation.

EQUAL TO THE SITUATION.

The Parson. " Well, Lizzie, your. Mother's come out of Prison, 1 hear.
How is she now ? "

Lizzie. "0, thanky', Sir, she's ev' so much Better. She've had capitai
Times int there. Father's out o' Work, and rather Poorly, so he got
Took up Last Night ! !"

NOBLE SACRIFICES TO PRINCIPLE. MR. CRABAPPLE'S CONTENT.

A happy thought, suggested to the United Kingdom Alliance, and j Here I am, now, pretty nearly, at the end of my career ;
all other persons desirous of suppressing or restricting the Liquor Life must less and less worth living get for me, year after year,
Trade, will doubtless be hailed with acclamation by those philan- j Leing, although far from well-off, not yet absolutely poor,
thropists, and they will immediately proceed to carry it out. That I I've a great deal to complain of, but might have a great deal more.

I might now, if I had married in my young days, have a wife
Who y/ould be, within a year or so_, at my own time of life,
Probably infirm and ailing; very likely peevish grown :
Load of flesh to be supported—in addition to my own.

Then I might have sons and daughters; sons who nought could find
to do,

Running me perpetual bills up ; daughters as expensive too,
Such as some of my acquaintance have ; of whom they can't get rh I ;
Girls whom no fellows will marry—would be asses if they did.

Do I wish, as I hear some, again I could my time have o'er ?
No, I don't; did to get money what I could do : could no more.
For, suppose I now before me had the race which I have run,
As I had no fortune left me, so I should have hope of none.

is to say, they will forthwith institute a subscription amongst them-
selves, with such aid as others may be disposed to render them, in
order to indemnify Publicans for the injury or ruin of their trade by
legislation. An addition to the felicity of this idea is furnished by
the further proposal that they should make pecuniary arrangements
for supplying, out of their own resources,_ the deficiency which,
if they succeed in preventing the consumption of generous, not to
say intoxicating liquors, they must create in the revenue. No doubt
they will eagerly adopt this too, and so preclude the necessity of an
increased Income-tax to defray the cost of then- triumphant
agitation.

UNIVERSITY AND CANINE.

An Oxford Statute, " concerning the Delegates of University
Police," amended in a "Congregation" the other day, provides
that:—

" Each Proctor shall, if he think fit, appoint one person or more to attend
upon him ; and the sum of £30 per annum out of the fund hereinafter men-
tioned shall be placed at the disposal of each Proctor for the payment of such
attendance."

The foregoing paragraph of University Intelligence is headed
"Proctors' Servants." Out of the £30 allowed for the maintenance
of these men, the Proctors probably have to pay taxes on them as
male servants. The "Proctors' Servants" being likewise named
Bulldogs, are the Proctors also obliged to take out a licence on those
followers in their canine capacity ? ,

All in Good Time.

Shut up the Pubs!
Why not the Clubs ?

Can't, all at once—that's why.
But now get thin
End of wedge in—

Drive it home by-and-by.

Height of Rudeness.—Asking a Minister if he likes Epping
Sausages.