Punch (60.1871)

M-ay 13, 1871.]

189

SCIENCE APPLIED TO ART.

Angelina Squills (the Doctor's Daughter) by a judicious Use of her Father's Stethoscope, is able to Detect and Enjoy
the delicate tenor voice of the interesting young curate who lodges next door.

PUNCH'S PROTEST

Against all Woman's Movements towards the House of

Commons.

No—Judy—no—I '11 yield to none in husbandly docility,
And I own you a jewel of a wife, for sense and amiability,
But I won't sign any petition against feminine disability,
For I don't want feminine fingers in masculine Parliament-Pie.

Common sense the House of Commons as arena for masculine folly
ticks;

Nor have Mollies and Pollies a right therein, because its trade is
polly-ticks:

.If they try to get credit in that house, they may run up some jolly
ticks,

But their power to redeem their pledges, spite of Jacob Bright, I
deny.

Of the feminine element, as it is, we 've enough, and too much, in
breeches;

From both sides, and below the gangway, too many an old woman
preaches;

The only tongue-fence we want is that which serves to bar out long

speeches—■

And that's not the sort of tongue-fence the ladies would supply.

You drive in the small end of the wedge when you ask votes for the
spinster :

Soon her married sister would claim to send her mouth-piece to
Westminster:

Then, if the wife voted one way, and her husband voted against her,
A nice life her lord and master would have, till he ate his humble
pie!

Words to the Wise. —Never give people wine who are not worth
their salt.

QUESTIONS OF CONSCIENCE.

Isn't it high time there should be an end of such announcements
as the following, which appeared the other day in the Times f—■

"Conscience Money.—The Chancellor of the Exchequer acknow-
ledges the receipt of the second halves of two £50 notes from ' M. D.' on
account of unpaid Income-tax ; also o£ £10 for the public account."

Is it possible that " M. D." means Doctor of Medicine ? Can a
physician be capable of encouraging the confiscation of fees ?
Whatever " M. D." may be, he might have considered if the per-
verse aggravation of an unjust impost was the occasion whereon to
send the Chancellor of the Exchequer what is termed "con-
science" money for unpaid Income-tax. Anybody who keeps an
enlightened conscience would know better than so to assist in the
spoliation of himself and others. " Nobody ought to be wiser than
the laws." Corollary: No one need be honester than the Govern-
ment.

Suppose "M. D." had lived in Jack Sheppard's time. Suppose
he had been summoned by that tax-gatherer to stand and deliver.
Suppose he had surrendered all the property he thought he had
about him. Suppose Jack Sheppard had made off with it. Sup-
pose "M. D." had then discovered a banknote left in his pocket-
book. Would he have sent the halves of it as " conscience money "
to Jonathan Wild ?

The Tap and Turf.

Which is the more ruinous vice, betting or boozing ? Whether
is a Racing Stud or a Public-house the more objectionable ?_ If the
Publican's trade is to be diminished because it affords facilities for
drunkenness, why not the Stud-keeper's because it affords facilities
for gambling ? If that generous liquor, beer, is liable to abuse, is
not occasion for evil likewise afforded by that noble animal the
horse ? Suppose Bung- subjected to a repressive Licensing System,
ought not similar restrictions to be imposed on racing Noblemen P