Punch: Punch (69.1875)

July 10, 1875.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

5

The article may be singular, as, for example, something of this
sort:—

A AP.TICLE
Vlllfc*V I SH H If J W AT JTAN 6^

Or it may be plural, which depends upon what reply you give to
the shopman, when he rubs his hands, and inquires, What's the
next article, M'm ? "

{To be continued.)

A BAKER ON LIGHT BREAD.

A literary and logical Baker has written the letter below quoted

on—

"THE BEE AD QUESTION.

" To the Editor of the Hampshire Independent.

" Sir,—Having been a receiver of your valuable paper ever since its com-
mencement, I beg a small space in it be allowed to me for satisfaction to the
mind. I saw two letters in your paper of Saturday, the 5th inst., one from a
convicted baker, the other (as I suppose) fearing conviction. They were both
anonymously signed. I beg to ask why it was so unmanly done ? In my
opinion it is next to confession of their supposed guilt. A poor bread baker
need not be ashamed of his name to withhold it from the public, as I firmly
believe they have as honest a face as their convictor. The bakers have not
robbed the public."

No. The Bakers have not robbed the Public of a crumb. Only
—their apologist proceeds immediately to explain—

"They have deceived their customers by cutting short weight in dough,
and lopping off a penny in the (supposed) eight-pound loaf."

Then, he indignantly demands—

" From whence comes the very letter of the law to be brought into action ? "
In answer to that question our letter-writer confesses,

" I must say the bakers years gone by acted more like birds of prey to their
brother batch for the sake of custom, which has brought a rod about our backs."

But the case is—

" Very different now, we sell bread all alike in price, but the scent has not
left us."

Now the Bakers hang together, not, however, some people may
think, as they deserve. They only get fined. But "the scent has
not left" them. They remain in ill odour.

Next come the following liberal and candid admissions :—

" We all know we are bound by law to sell bread by weight. Had we kept
so close to the law as we might have done this contention would never arose.
1 see but little fault to find with either magistrates or police: thev have their
duty to perform."

Still the Magistrates do the Bakers some injustice ; but in venial
ignorance:—

"At Southampton a police-constable stated to the Bench that other Bakers
had been visited, and bread on weighing found some over weight. If the
reader of the Independent will look in that paper he will see the reply from
the Bench, and I can say ' Father, forgive them, they know not what they
sayeth, being perfectly unacquainted with the trade.' "

The text pointing the above passage appears to have been
quoted from the somewhat hazy reminiscence of a mind, let us hope,
unaware rather than regardless of its inaccuracy—and impropriety.
Argument succeeds iteration :—

" Suppose if a loaf is short weight, what then ? "When bread is sixteen-
pence per gallon it is only half a farthing per ounce—much less, then, now.
We all know that bread gets lighter as it gets older. But is the virtue gone ?
No; it has increased in quality, or why do the people with large families
prefer stale bread ? "

Here our logician's acuteness fails him a little. Do not people
with large families prefer stale bread chiefly because among children
its consumption is less than that of new ? However, he proceeds :—

"I don't suppose there is a doctor to be found that will recommend new
bread to be eaten; it has always been considered injurious to health—but if
stale when eaten, it is lighter m weight but improved in quality. Therefore,
where is the evil ?"

"Why, the evil is in not allowing dough enough to the loaf—not
applying the knowledge that bread loses weight out of the oven.
But the plea that the improved quality of stale bread atones for its
short quantity is admirable. So is the concluding peroration:—

" I do think the agitator of this vexed question would do wisely to bend his
knees and pray for the safety of his own soul instead of persecuting poor
innocent bread bakers. As for bakers being persecuted more than any other
trade, we will pass that over with a grin. It would look very unseemly to
see the miller's waggon cumbered up with his weights and scales as we poor
bakers have been so long. But I see no reason for their exemption ; paint us
all with one brush. It's the law we have to contend with, and we shall have
to abide by it till it is altered. But the agitator may not press the very letter
of that law to be carried into execution in this law more than many others.
Let him that is without a fault cast the first stone."

A text again—rather closer to the original this time. The Baker
to whom we are indebted for the flowers above culled is no
anonymous scribe. He signs himself as follows :—

"lam, Sir, &c, John Bichards,

A convicted Baker; a bread baker, and seller of bread
39 years, and never served this trick before.

Branstonc, I. W."

Mb. Richards is evidently himself not a flower that was "born
to blush unseen"—if, indeed, to blush at all. He was "never
served this trick before." That is, apparently, he was never before
during thirty-nine years detected and fined. No doubt he sells
excellent bread, and will take care in future to prevent any com-
plaint that there is too little of it.

THE BASER SORT AT BIRMINGHAM.

From the subjoined statement it appears that the Electors of
Birmingham include a very considerable quantity of what their
Right Honourable Member calls the residuum :—

"Dr. Kenealy, accompanied by Mr. Onslow and Mr. Whalley, went
to Birmingham on Saturday, and was received at the railway station by a
large crowd. The horses were taken from Dr. Kenealy's carriage, which
was then drawn by the people. A meeting was held in the Town Hall in the
evening, at which a letter was read from Mr. John Bright, stating that he
declined to attend. A resolution was passed pledging the meeting to use all
legal and constitutional means for the restoration of the convict at Dartmoor
to liberty."

Clearly Mr. Bright has a great many constituents who would be
much more fitly represented by Mr. Onslow, or Mr. "Whalley, or
Dr. Kenealy. They showed not so much respect to Orion's advo-
cate as self-appreciation by drawing his carriage. For awhile they
constituted that vehicle a donkey-chaise.

Osier for Elm.

That Earth may to Earth
Turn completely the quicker,

For elm of much worth,
Lay your Earth in cheap wicker.

Thus the living will reap i j
The amount which they save ;

"Whilst the dead soundly sleep
In both cradle and grave.