Punch: Punch (69.1875)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 17, 1875.

THE PLACE TO SPEND A HAPPY SUNDAY.

Reprobate. " Brighton be blowed I Thish 'sh my Aquarium ! Open o' Shundayp, too !! "

STEAM V. SUNSHINE.

(A Jlelibcean Moan elicited by Mb. Gibbs's plan for Haymaking by
Artificial Heat.—See " Times " of June 1th.)

Anotheb old proverb must go to the wall!

" Hake hay while the sun shines ! "—Pooh ! pooh ! Not at all!

Since we 're able, they say, in this new-fangled way,

To make it by night just as well as by day ;

That Moloch, Machinery, 's destined to master all,

Playing: the deuce with the pretty and pastoral.

Could Viegil return, it might move him to weeping

To watch our mechanical mowing and reaping ;

And now, just to clench practicality's yoke,

They 're cashiering poor Phoebus in favour of coke.

For haymaking's done, on this precious new plan,

By the aid of an engine, a stove, and a fan !

Alas for Arcadia ! The Steam-engine frolics

Where thy swains sang and piped, till our modern bucolics

Are bare of romance—and starved fancy but fibs

"When it owns inspiration in Mechi or Gibbs !

The poor picturesque! it is pretty well spent

In its fight with that pitiless tyrant, " Per cent."

Though Ruskin may rave, and the Muses bemoan,

The steam-sinewed despot will soon reign alone.

0, Jupiter-Pluvius, Clerk of the Weather,

One cannot acquit you of blame altogether ;

Did you do your devoir, and Sol stick to his work,

There yet were a chance for the Haymaker's Fork !

Considerate Cousins.

A labge number of Americans now in England celebrated their
national Declaration of Independence by a fete held on the 5th of
July, at the Crystal Palace. Not one of the speakers abused the
British. Was it that they recollected that they were in a glass
house, and so.must not throw stones ?

VIVISECTION COMMISSION QUESTIONS.

To what extent do you think the practice of cutting up one's
friends prevails in this country ?

Under what circumstances do you consider that we are warranted
in cutting each other ?

What distinction do you draw between cutting a man and cutting
a man dead ?

Have you known any unpleasant results follow a slashing article ?

Can you furnish any trustworthy statistics as to the number of
authors who have been cut up within the last seven years ?

Have you turned your attention to cutaway coats in connection
with the subject of this present investigation ?

Have any instances come under your notice of persons who have
appeared terribly cut up ?

How would you act towards bores ? Would you feel the
slightest compunction at catting them short ?

Have you ever known any untoward consequences arise from
cutting at whist ?

You are not required to criminate yourself, but have you ever
made short cuts, and, if so, with what results ?

What course of conduct should you pursue if you were called
upon, at a moment's notice, to divide two Ladies at the dinner-
table ?

Canada's Luck.

" The Dominion " can bear its High Governor's Chair

To instal such a strenuous puffer * in,
While 'tis clearest of facts, from his speeches and acts,—
Name apart—it has not got a Duffer in."
* See my Lord Dtjfferin's glowing and genial praises of the Dominion
at the dinner given him by the Canada Company last week.

Adage on the Public Woeship Act.—Those who play at Vest-
ments must expect Suits.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30, Lnraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew, * Co.,
Street, in the Precinct of AVhitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—Saturday, July 17, iB/o