Punch: Punch (69.1875)

™__PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August H, 1875.

A FAMILIAR FOE.

Captain (during a passing Shower in the late Manoeuvres). " I wonder wb don't See the Enemy !'
Rheumatic Major. '' Enemy ! Ecod, I feel him in both Knees a'ready ! "

SOCIAL QUESTIONS.

Suggested for discussion at the Social Science Congress.

If you invite to your table the "Wife of a Dean, and the Niece of
an Archbishop, which of them do you hold entitled to precedence ?

When the Girls and their Mamma remind you of your promise to
let them give a ball, and instead of it you offer them a visit to the
Continent, are you justified in mentally reserving to yourself the
right to take them to Boulogne one day, and back the next by
Calais ?

If, when dining at the Club, you chance to come across a dear
old friend of yours, whom you have not met for years, do you con-
sider that the meeting may be held as an excuse for your not going
home till morning ?

"When you take down a Lady who is an utter stranger to you, and
who replies in monosyllables to everything you say, are you justified,
before the joint comes, in leaving her to her fate, and offering your
small talk to your left-hand neighbour ?

Supposing a young gentleman in the Civil Service earns a salary
(less Income-tax) of two hundred pounds a year, to what expendi-
ture per week ought he in prudence to restrict himself in the way
of (1) gloves, (2) cigars, and (3) button-hole bouquets ?

Is there any prospect of solving the vexed question, whether the
Host or Hostess ought to lead the way to dinner ?

When you are informed that the Doctor says the children require
change of air, and are told with the same breath that Cook desires
a holiday, and that your study must be painted, what more proof do
you require that the Season is at an end, and that you had better
make your mind up to leave Town within a fortnight ?

"Weighed in the social scale, which is the lighter fib—to say that
you are indisposed, or that you are not at home, when your dear
friends the Boheingtons expressly call to see you ?

When you are invited to dine at half-past seven—the at being
underlined with considerable emphasis—do you think that punctual
eight would really be considered premature for your arrival ?

Is it possible for two Ladies of average acquirements to converse

with one another for upwards of five minutes without talking of
their balls, their babies, or their bonnets ?

If you happen to meet your friends the Swellboroughs in Town
in the middle of September, how much credit is attached to the
pretexts which you mutually advance for being visible ?

Supposing that a Gentleman accompany his Wife upon a round of
morning calls, and afterwards is treated to a dinner of cold mutton,
to what revenge in the way of dining at his Club is he socially
entitled ?

Do you consider that an invitation to dine, which has been
declined on the plea of a previous engagement, is an equivalent for
a dinner which has actually been eaten ?

If, while travelling abroad, you chance to stumble on your tailor,
to whom you are in debt, is it wise to greet him affably or to
endeavour not to see him ?

If you are asked to what you know will be a dismal dinner, how
many days do you consider you may wait before replying, in the
hope that something better may prevent your acceptance ?

PARSON AND GRAZIER.

In giving judgment on Keet v. Smith, Sra Robert Phixlimore
explained that, by law, the Churchyard is the Incumbent's freehold
—subject to the right of parishioners, or strangers dying in the
parish, to simple interment, but no more. He added:—

"Indeed, the Incumbent has the right to pasture animals which do not
injure the bodies interred in the Churchyard, and every gravestone, of course,
interferes with that pasture."

The Parson is bound to respect existing gra^ >nes. But it
appears that, if he stood on his rights, he might refuse to have any
more set up, and could, if he chose, devote all the available space
in the Churchyard to growing meat. He might?'then advertise, if
he thought it likely to pay, Burial-ground Beef or Churchyard
Mutton. The Reverend Gentleman would thus exhibit himself in a
twofold capacity of Pastor.