Punch (69.1875)

86

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 28, 1875.

THE WAY WE LIVE NOW."

Mamma {to her Eldest Son). "My dear George, where are your Manners? You should always sat 'Thank you !' when

anything is handed to YOU 1 "

George. " 0, bother having to say 'Thanks!' every time, Ma' I Can't a Fellow hive a Season-Ticket?''

SUMMER MANCEUYRES.
Second Series.

Mrs. Foxe Hymen will attempt to bring about an engagement
between ber eldest daugbter and tbe son and beir of Sir Crcesus
Tallow, tbe commercial millionnaire.

Tbe Eldest Daugbter of Mrs. Foxe Hymen will enter into a secret
correspondence with tbe Enemy (ber Cousin Arthur), with a view
to counteracting tbe tactics of her Mother.

Miss Florence Flirtington will exercise herself in Field
Exercises (Croquet and Lawn Tennis), with a view to cutting out
her dear friends the Gawky girls.

Old Mrs. Twenttstun will make a descent upon Karlsbad, with
a view to inaugurating an improved system of condensation.

Mrs. Smith will attempt, by a forced march on the feelings of
her husband, to lure him to the Sea-side. She will be supported by
tbe Infantry, and will advance under cover of the Family Doctor.

Mr. Smith will make a demonstration of business, and hastily
retreat (in company with a bachelor friend) to the Continent.

Mr. Percy Flutterkite will communicate with his maiden Aunt
in the country, with a view to effecting an advance (pecuniary).

Messrs. Tag, Rag, and Bobtail (late of Her Majesty's principal
Gaols) will make a masked march to the Sea-side, with a view to
indulging in a course of rifle practice.

Tribute to Correspondents.

Punch keeps receiving volley upon volley

Of puns on Collie dogs and Messieurs Collie.

"Wag after wag goes on informing him

That, born web-footed, Webb was made to swim.

Sense thus extensively with sound combined

Exalts our estimation of our kind. '

Cease to pour in your too, too brilliant jokes,

And take a crown of thistles each, ye Mokes.

A PHILOSOPHER AT EIGHTY.

{Soliloquy on a late Sultry Day.)

I am evaporating, like a piece

Of camphor in tbe sun, or so as wastes

A mass of carbonate of ammonia

Unstoppled, or as though my lard had all

Become transmuted into paraffine,

Which force of heat sublimes. I rise apace

In vapour ; am dissolving by degrees,

And mingling with thin air. If this goes on

Much longer, nothing will be left of me

Save earthy salts,'besides residual

Phosphate of lime. But if the temperature,

By Fahrenheit now eighty in the shade,

Stand but a little longer, and then fall,

So as to check offgoings at the point

Of just attenuation, then my waist

Will to its normal amplitude return,

And I, who from mine youth have aye grown bigger,

By loss of fat shall have regained my figure.

What the Prince Found at Sheffield.

That Steel is capable of the highest polish.

That the Diamonds born of Coal are not nearly so black as they
are painted.

That Arms of Iron are generally directed by Hearts of Gold.

That a Sheffield welcome is not always smoke.

That, notwithstanding their sharpness, Sheffield Blades are the
last things in the world to cut their friends.

And, finally, that certain self-elected Representatives of tbe
Working-Man are (to put it mildly) very much mistaken.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No.30, Loraine Road, Hollowly, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agney. * Co., Ijora,t»w>
Street, in the Precinct of WhitefrUrs, in the City of London, and published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London, situsdit, au0usc i*>o