Punch: Punch (69.1875)

108

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 18, 1875.

OUR MAID-SERVANTS.

Mistress (opening Post-Bag). " Fourteen Letters for you again to-day,
Mary ! I can't undeestand it."

Mary. "Well, Ma'am, I ought to have give you Notice, but I
Hadvertised. You see how Good Servants is sought after."

UP OR DOWN?

"Whither, lovely Lady, say ?
Up or down the Thames to-day ?

See, the great stream glistens:
Just to hear what we betray

Silently it listens.

Richmond Hill, where nightingales
Tell the ancient passionate tales

Full of love's emotion P
Greenwich, with a thousand sails

To and from the Ocean ?

Everywhere the river-marge
Hath its beauty—tardy barge,

Steam-launch fast and fretful.
Whither shall we roam at large,

Carelessly forgetful ?

Whether up or down we went,
How those magic hours we spent,

Ask : I cannot answer.
One there was who gave content-
Love, th' Oneiromancer.

Note by Mr. Punch.

Wise, 0 rhymer, 'mid the strife,
'Mid the Ups and Downs of life,

This your pleasant bias.
Still I fear, upon my life,

'Tis but ovap (TKius.

Rationalism, and the Reverse.

Protestantism, Cardinal Manning has told us at
Manchester, ends in Rationalism. But has not Roman
Catholicism, a good deal of it, in the land of Voltaire,
and other " Latin Races " than the French, made the
same end ? Still, to some extent, no doubt, it has ended
in the reverse of rationality. Few reasonable persons
will deny that the doctrine of Papal Infallibility and
the legend of Marie Alacocque, are entirely contrary to
reason. However, people who profess belief in absurdi-
ties are not always so unwise as they seem. If Cardinal
Manning will only try to analyse his own thoughts,
perhaps he will discover that a man can at most only
believe that he believes in propositions which express not
any ideas that are conceivable, and in dogmas which he
has swallowed whole without first having chewed them.

OUR REPRESENTATIVE MAN.

(One Evening in Town en route.)

Sir,—No one, at this out-of-town Season of the year, would
dream of representing You in London, except en passant. Having
to leave the grouse in the North in order to join my yacht in the
South (this is, of course, what I say to anyone I meet in Town) it
occurred to me that London would be an excellent via media.

"To think, with me, is to do," as Julius Cjesar said, on the

celebrated occasion when-but as this ought to be known to every

schoolboy, I will not pause for the historical details.

" Take me," said I to the Cabman, whose emotion on seeing me
arrive was most touching to witness, "take me to mine Inn, the
' Bedford,' Covent Garden, where I take mine ease. Away ! "

The Cabman touched his hat. It was a sign that I had touched
his heart.

By the way, is there no voice that can make itself heard about
the disgraceful state of Covent Garden Market ? Of this another
time. For the present, passons.

What was to be my evening's amusement ?

Sir, Your Representative unhesitatingly chose The Shaugraun;
first, because I hadn't an idea what the word meant; and, secondly,
because a Sensational Drama is, to my mind, the easiest way of
being amused without any mental effort,—a strong recommendation
for hot weather. A Drama finds more employment for the eyes than
the ears, and an Irish Drama by Mr. Boucicault would be sure to
be full of sensational situations, with a relief of Irish fun. This
being settled, it occurred to Your Representative that, at this time
of year, when no one is in Town, he would be able to have his pick
of tables, and the very cream of the menu to himself, at the now
famous Holborn Restaurant. I lounged in. " Can't have a table,
Sir, for another quarter of an hour," said the most civil and obliging
of Managers, "unless you wouldn't mind going into the hot room ! "
He seemed to imagine I wanted a Turkish Bath. But the place was

crammed. " London is here! " exclaimed Your Representative, to
himself. Then a Happy Thought occurred to him: London is
empty—so am I; therefore, we both come here. After dinner,
London will be full—so shall I be.

"Garcon, le menu /" Bring me " Puree d la Tomate," and " Cote-
lettes d la Cardinal" (evidently His Eminence's idea of what's
good—d voire sante, Monseigneur Manning!), while the melodious
band discourses for me La Gazza Ladra, and that delight of the
waltzers, known as La Manola. Now the fragrant cup of coffee,
and the cigar (here, at a certain time, you can light up, without
quitting the table,—a great luxury to the after-dinner smoker), and
then, all hail McHansom and to Old Drury, to see Her Majesty's
Servants perform The Shaugraun.

Heavens! London empty i Well, if London be empty by this
time of the evening, it must be because Drury Lane is full.

In a stall chair I sat and saw the lately produced Irish Drama.

"' Time writes no wrinkle on thy brow,' Mrs. Boucicault,"
observed Your Representative to himself, on seeing the most charm-
ing and perfect delineation of the Irish Maiden trip on to the stage
as comely, as neatly-ancle'd, as bright, as bewitching as ever she
was as Arrah-na-Pogue or the Colleen Bawn. "And Time puts
you up to a good many dramatic wrinkles, Mr. Boucicault," was
my next observation, as the piece proceeded. _ It was all good; all
admirably put together ; slow in parts ; very little new from begin-
ning to end, not even the perpetual mention of the faithful dog
Tatters, who, without being either heard or seen throughout the
piece, raises the same kind of interest in his behalf as was felt for
" Mein tog Schneider," when Mr. Jefferson played Rip Van Winkle.
The Irish Wake was a novelty, and the Scene a good one. In spite
of the heat, there was no doubt as to the enthusiasm of the audience,
from the first row of the Stalls up to the Sixpenny Gallery, and
assuredly no doubt as to the success of the piece, in which Mr. Bev-
erley's scenery was no small ingredient.

It was over at 10 30, as all principal pieces should be in these
early closing days, and Your Representative was able to step into