Punch: Punch (69.1875)

October 2, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 129

"UNCO CANNY."

Noble Sportsman. "Missed, eh?"

Cautious Keeper. " Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae iaub. as to say that ; but a'
doot ys hav'na exactly hit."

FIE! FIE!

{Aberdeen Station, Saturday, September 18,1875.)

The account, in the Times, of the journey
of the PftiNCE and Pbincess oe Wales, on
their return from Scotland to Sandringham,
records the following extraordinary inci-
dent :—

"Aberdeen was reached at nineteen minutes
past twelve, or one minute late. Oa the platform
were a few of the public officials and an unusually
large concourse of the geaeral public, embracing
representatives of the leading families of the
county and city."

"We 'te heard of Scottish pride,

And something have believed,
But such a scene at Aberdeen

Mast show us we 're deceived;
For rank and caste disowned,

This rather stiff-backed nation
Have taught us all, both great and small,

Our duty in our Station.

The Prince's train arrived—

What met the princely gaze ?
A great surprise for Royal eyes,

In these decorous days :
Officials, steady men,

The Public, in high feather,
The county swells, the city belles—

Embracing all together!

blowing gbeat gtjns.

The 35-ton Gun, named at its birth " The
Woolwich Infant," was a strange monster;
well, the 81-ton Gun may be fairly said to
be a little Stranger.

OUR EDUCATIONAL PROGRESS.

At Stingiton not long since, on the meeting of the School-Board,
there ensued a brisk debate as to the duties of their Clerk. Certain
members pleading ignorance as to what they had a right to expect
their Clerk to do, it was explained by the Chairman that:—

"The duties of the Clerk were to give notice of meetings, and to mention
special subjects to be considered; to keep the accounts, and to b&ve them
printed twice a year; to make any returns which the Education Department
asked for, or which, he required, and, under any circumstances, to make them
once a year. The Clerk might appear for the Board in legal proceedings, and
he must keep his office open at all reasonable hours that the rate-payers might
inspect the books."

In addition to these trifles, it seemed to be considered that a
Clerk should be a sort of general overseer and educational police-
man, as well as a man of all work to the members of the Board.

Said one speaker, somewhat shrewdly :—

" Certain duties were defined, but the Act did not prevent other duties
being done by the Clerk, which it might be proper to put on him in order to
save a multiplicity of officers."

Considering their multiplicity of duties, candidates for School-
Board Clerkships ought to be examined, with the view of testing
thoroughly their fitness for the place; and, as there seems to be no
knowing what a Clerk maybe called upon to do, some few "fishing"
questions like the following should certainly be put to him :—

1. What is your age,'and weight, and.power of physical endur-
ance ?

2. Can you write shorthand, and are you acquainted with the use
of the boxing-gloves and globes ?

3. For how long will you be satisfied to pocket without grumbling
a salary not exceeding ninety pounds a year ?

4. Can you clean boots, and will you be too proud, if called upon,
to do so ?

5. Who dragged whom, and when, round the walls of what ?

6. Explain in a clear manner, and also with conciseness, the
differential calculus, the origin of the digamma, and the atomic
theory as applied to neutral salts.

7. Have you any taste for Art, and does your wife prefer chintz
or cretonne for the covers of her drawing-room ?

8. Cite the leading cases where the legal cestui qui trust of a copy-

hold assignment has established a contingent claim to the remainder,
under the Act abolishing the use of lease and release ?

9. When were you last vaccinated, and how much did it take ?

10. Have you a good temper, and are you prepared to keep your
office open until midnight, for inspection by the rate-payers, and to
supply them gratis with pipes and gin-and-water whenever they
drop in ?

11. In case of sudden illness of any Teacher in your district, could
you, at five minutes' notice, undertake to give instruction in Welsh,
Russian, Greek, Turkish, trigonometry, therapeutics, geography,
gymnastics, Hebrew, High Dutch, singing, dancing, Chinese, and
thorough bass ?

12. Do you go to Church or Chapel, and at which do you sleep

best ?

13. Explain and give the derivations of the following:—Cepha-
Ionian, Bacchante, Spectroscope, Herzegovina, Bunkum, Chiar-
oscuro, Consols, Contango, Baker's Dozen, Bosh, and Baily's Beads.

14. Does your wife wear a Chignon, and, if so, how much did she
pay for it ?

15. Transpose the first six bars of the music of the Spheres,
pointing out, by counterpoint, their melodic progression in A minor
from B flat to F in alt.

16. Who were the Old Masters, and in what Schools did they
teach ?

17. A. having sold a horse to B. and his co-heirs, state under
what circumstances the assignees of C. can claim a limited co-
partnership of the estate in tail.

18. Does your Mother know that you are out of place ?

19. Can you cook accounts, and make an apple dumpling ?

20. If a boy persists in saying that C-a-t spells Dog, where do
you conceive that he expects to go ?

M'Swiney Corrected.

What Lobd Mayoe M'Swiney's New Cbx should have been.
—" Faith and Holy-Father Land."

Thought by a Totjbist.—Too many Cook's Excursionists spoil

the table d'hote.