DOI issue:
October 30, 1875
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16941#0186
182
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 30, 1875.
PUNCH'S WEATHER-EYE-OPENER.
Me. Punch, resolved not to be ' behind his contemporaries in
enterprise, has determined to publish; henceforth a Meteorological
Chart. Allowances are requested for his first attempt, as the young
man who was engaged (on his own representations) for the purpose
apparently knows nothing about drawing, and still ".'less about
Meteorology.
WEATHER CHART.
Explanation.—The arrows fly with the wind, in fact, low before it.
a, awful; b, beastly; e. cursed ; d, never mind ; e, everlasting ; /, frantic.
Rainfall—-Wet through twice a day, and through the ceilings of
the attics.
Barometrical Readings.—None. Somebody having smashed the
barometer by tapping it too hard with his umbrella.
Thermometrical Readings.—None. A youthful and scientific
member of the family having robbed the thermometer of its practical
utility by putting it in the fire to see the mercury run up the tube.
General Remarks.—Shan't make any, for fear of using bad
language. Dreadful cold in my head.
The Meteorologist to Mr. Punch.
RULE OF THE ROAD WANTED.
The Iron Duke has, as Mr. O'Brallaghan says, by cannoning
the Vanguard, taught us that the Ram in naval warfare is the best
Gun. Another lesson is suggested by that cannonade. Pedestrians
on land are exposed to collisions as well as mariners at sea. Veloci-
pedes moving with a certain velocity may do similar damage to that
done by Ironclads going so many knots an hour. Foot-passengers
on public thoroughfares need eyes in the napes of their necks to see
them coming. Not seeing them, and particularly in the dark, they
are liable to be run into by them. The approach of the Velocipede
is as silent as that of the Dromedary, or the Camel, the " Ship of
the Desert." Impact from a Velocipede at a high rate of speed is
no joke. Would it not be as well if the riders of Velocipedes were
obliged to carry little bells, and after sunset lights, in their bows ?
Eminence and Innocence.
Cardinal Manning is reported to have lately read a paper to the
Catholic Academia, contending that Pope Innocent the Third
never condemned Magna Charta, but only the Barons for having
obtained it by levying war against their Sovereign. No doubt his
Eminence made out to the satisfaction of his hearers that the Pope
accused of having anathematised the title-deed of English liberty
was an injured Innocent.
new test op a gentleman.
Customer. Do you know Mr. Jones ?
Neiosvendor. O yes, Sir ; a customer of ours—a perfect Gentleman
-never reads anything under the Saturday Revieiv.
harmless amusement.
Subscribing to the Herzegovinian Insurrection with Turkish
Bonds.
SAPPHICS TO THE SILENT.
Hark to vain outcries "on an ugly scandal,
Which with a word, if false, could be refuted;
But the word rests with taciturn accused ones,
Yet to be spoken.
Word to yourselves due, Managers of Felsted
School, the Trustees, and you their supervisor,
Rochester's Bishop, celebrated preacher,
Popular Claughton !
Can you, Trustees, not say it is a lie that
You did in spite expel a good Head-Master,
Only because he trod upon your toes in
Doing his duty ?
Bishop, explain what very cogent reason
Made you confirm his merited dismissal,
Show us'in truth that 'twas a confirmation
Just, by a Bishop.
Whilst a grave charge you, reticent, lie under,
How will you face your retrospective hearers,
When you deliver, say, a visitation
Charge to your Clergy ?
Are you not victim of a vile, atrocious
Calumny, trumped up by a base traducer,
Forging a groundless taradiddle, and cen-
-sorious falsehood ?
Deaf the Trustees seem, dumb abides the Bishop.
When to the Public they shall show their noses,
Will they not hear this universal greeting,
" How about Grignon ? "
Superstitious Suggestion.
TnE following piece of intelligence suggests a question which may
have occurred to sailors :—
" The 'Iron Duke.'—A Press Association telegram Bays : ' On Saturday,
as the Iron Duke was being taken out of Devonport Dock, she ran foul of the
Black I) ~ince. The latter lost her davits in. the collision, but little other
damage was done.' "
Happily. But the Iron Duke is evidently an unlucky ship.
What has made her so ? Is it possible that she was, if not launched
or christened, begun on a Friday?
Bavarian Misnomer.
The Ultramontane and anti-Liberal Party in Bavaria has an
alias. The Ultramontanes are also called Particularists. But (see
the Times) " the Ultramontane Deputies in the recent debate con-
trived to wound the King deeply by applauding and making mirth
over some infamous scurrilities published in a low comic journal
imported from the other side of the Main, and quoted with gusto by
a member of the Opposition." As the Ultramontane Deputies must
be taken to represent their constituents, this outrage proves the
Ultramontanes are not all particular.
No Answers.
" Wanted, by a Farmer in the country, a plain Governess.—Apply to
&o."—Western Mail.
Deluded Farmer, quit your quest,
You '11 advertise in vain :
What woman ever yet confessed,
Or thought, that she was plain ?
A Sovereign Remedy.
M. Rouher, who, in the French Chamber as Imperial Minister,
by declaring that tbe Italians should never go to Rome, earned the
name of a prophet in association with "jamais" has been, at Ajac-
cio, cracking up Bonapartism, which brought France to grief. Poor
France is sick of the Imperial dynasty; and it appears that in
recommending her a restoration of the fallen Empire, Dr. Jamais
would fain prescribe a hair of the dog that bit her.
a creed at a discount.
'Tis an ill wind that blows nobody good. The hopes of Missionary
Societies may improve in an inverse ratio to the depreciation of
Turkish Stock, and discredit of Mussulman faith.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 30, 1875.
PUNCH'S WEATHER-EYE-OPENER.
Me. Punch, resolved not to be ' behind his contemporaries in
enterprise, has determined to publish; henceforth a Meteorological
Chart. Allowances are requested for his first attempt, as the young
man who was engaged (on his own representations) for the purpose
apparently knows nothing about drawing, and still ".'less about
Meteorology.
WEATHER CHART.
Explanation.—The arrows fly with the wind, in fact, low before it.
a, awful; b, beastly; e. cursed ; d, never mind ; e, everlasting ; /, frantic.
Rainfall—-Wet through twice a day, and through the ceilings of
the attics.
Barometrical Readings.—None. Somebody having smashed the
barometer by tapping it too hard with his umbrella.
Thermometrical Readings.—None. A youthful and scientific
member of the family having robbed the thermometer of its practical
utility by putting it in the fire to see the mercury run up the tube.
General Remarks.—Shan't make any, for fear of using bad
language. Dreadful cold in my head.
The Meteorologist to Mr. Punch.
RULE OF THE ROAD WANTED.
The Iron Duke has, as Mr. O'Brallaghan says, by cannoning
the Vanguard, taught us that the Ram in naval warfare is the best
Gun. Another lesson is suggested by that cannonade. Pedestrians
on land are exposed to collisions as well as mariners at sea. Veloci-
pedes moving with a certain velocity may do similar damage to that
done by Ironclads going so many knots an hour. Foot-passengers
on public thoroughfares need eyes in the napes of their necks to see
them coming. Not seeing them, and particularly in the dark, they
are liable to be run into by them. The approach of the Velocipede
is as silent as that of the Dromedary, or the Camel, the " Ship of
the Desert." Impact from a Velocipede at a high rate of speed is
no joke. Would it not be as well if the riders of Velocipedes were
obliged to carry little bells, and after sunset lights, in their bows ?
Eminence and Innocence.
Cardinal Manning is reported to have lately read a paper to the
Catholic Academia, contending that Pope Innocent the Third
never condemned Magna Charta, but only the Barons for having
obtained it by levying war against their Sovereign. No doubt his
Eminence made out to the satisfaction of his hearers that the Pope
accused of having anathematised the title-deed of English liberty
was an injured Innocent.
new test op a gentleman.
Customer. Do you know Mr. Jones ?
Neiosvendor. O yes, Sir ; a customer of ours—a perfect Gentleman
-never reads anything under the Saturday Revieiv.
harmless amusement.
Subscribing to the Herzegovinian Insurrection with Turkish
Bonds.
SAPPHICS TO THE SILENT.
Hark to vain outcries "on an ugly scandal,
Which with a word, if false, could be refuted;
But the word rests with taciturn accused ones,
Yet to be spoken.
Word to yourselves due, Managers of Felsted
School, the Trustees, and you their supervisor,
Rochester's Bishop, celebrated preacher,
Popular Claughton !
Can you, Trustees, not say it is a lie that
You did in spite expel a good Head-Master,
Only because he trod upon your toes in
Doing his duty ?
Bishop, explain what very cogent reason
Made you confirm his merited dismissal,
Show us'in truth that 'twas a confirmation
Just, by a Bishop.
Whilst a grave charge you, reticent, lie under,
How will you face your retrospective hearers,
When you deliver, say, a visitation
Charge to your Clergy ?
Are you not victim of a vile, atrocious
Calumny, trumped up by a base traducer,
Forging a groundless taradiddle, and cen-
-sorious falsehood ?
Deaf the Trustees seem, dumb abides the Bishop.
When to the Public they shall show their noses,
Will they not hear this universal greeting,
" How about Grignon ? "
Superstitious Suggestion.
TnE following piece of intelligence suggests a question which may
have occurred to sailors :—
" The 'Iron Duke.'—A Press Association telegram Bays : ' On Saturday,
as the Iron Duke was being taken out of Devonport Dock, she ran foul of the
Black I) ~ince. The latter lost her davits in. the collision, but little other
damage was done.' "
Happily. But the Iron Duke is evidently an unlucky ship.
What has made her so ? Is it possible that she was, if not launched
or christened, begun on a Friday?
Bavarian Misnomer.
The Ultramontane and anti-Liberal Party in Bavaria has an
alias. The Ultramontanes are also called Particularists. But (see
the Times) " the Ultramontane Deputies in the recent debate con-
trived to wound the King deeply by applauding and making mirth
over some infamous scurrilities published in a low comic journal
imported from the other side of the Main, and quoted with gusto by
a member of the Opposition." As the Ultramontane Deputies must
be taken to represent their constituents, this outrage proves the
Ultramontanes are not all particular.
No Answers.
" Wanted, by a Farmer in the country, a plain Governess.—Apply to
&o."—Western Mail.
Deluded Farmer, quit your quest,
You '11 advertise in vain :
What woman ever yet confessed,
Or thought, that she was plain ?
A Sovereign Remedy.
M. Rouher, who, in the French Chamber as Imperial Minister,
by declaring that tbe Italians should never go to Rome, earned the
name of a prophet in association with "jamais" has been, at Ajac-
cio, cracking up Bonapartism, which brought France to grief. Poor
France is sick of the Imperial dynasty; and it appears that in
recommending her a restoration of the fallen Empire, Dr. Jamais
would fain prescribe a hair of the dog that bit her.
a creed at a discount.
'Tis an ill wind that blows nobody good. The hopes of Missionary
Societies may improve in an inverse ratio to the depreciation of
Turkish Stock, and discredit of Mussulman faith.