Punch (69.1875)

184

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 6, 1875.

VENTURING TO PRESUME.

clerical gentleman writes
to the Times :—

" Presuming—if I may ven-
ture to presume—that the
recent rainfall has now come
to an end," &c, &c.

If such venturesome pre-
sumptions are to be made,
Mr. Punch will try his
hand at venturing to pre-
sume—

That strikes and lock-
outs will soon be things
unknown.

That Turkish Bond-
holders will not invest
money at high interest on
worthless security in
future.

That foolish flies,_ who
know nothing of business,
will hereafter keep clear of
a certain financial cobweb
in the City, where the
spiders grow very stout.

That adulterated articles
of food will cease to be
sold.

That beef, mutton, and oysters will return to a reasonable price.

That Her Majesty's ships will refrain from ramming each other,
and the First Lord of the Admiralty from blundering.

That Her Majesty's yachts will travel slowly through crowded
sea-thoroughfares.

That we shall hear the last of Dr. Kenealy.

That the High, Low, and Broad Church will cease to quarrel, and
do their duty to the people.

That the Bishop op Rochester will explain his conduct in the
Felstead case.

s^iThat all Congresses where bores meet to edify each other will be
abolished.

That the Irish will lose all their grievances, and be unable to
invent a new one.

That Earl Russell will write no more letters, and Mr. Glad-
stone no more pamphlets, about the Pope.

That railway trains will keep time now and then, and not crash
into one another by special arrangements.

That parallel straight lines will at last meet.

And, finally, that the weather will be permanently so fine as to
deprive ordinary English people of their chief topic of conversation.

IRISH "AT HOMES.'

At a time when the representatives of the Emerald Isle are urging
in the House of Commons and elsewhere the necessity of giving to
Ireland " Home Rule," Mr. Punch does not think it necessary to
apologise for calling attention to two little meetings held recently
at Waterford and Bally Gricken. The first was a banquet given on
the occasion of the turning of the initial spadeful of earth of the
proposed new waterworks ; the second a meeting of free and inde-
pendent electors, called together to listen to the eloquence of a
certain Irish solicitor, yclept Mr. Henry Sargent.

At the banquet, Captain Johnson, J.P., proposed "The Health
of the Municipalities of Ireland." To quote the report :—

"He said that, as the Mayors of Cork, Limerick, Clonmel, and "Wexford
were present, he felt great difficulty in selecting one of the number to respond.
He, however, gave the preference to Alderman "Woods, Mayor of Clonmel."

Now this seemed to be a moderate suggestion, and one that, in
England, would have been hailed with a mild hammering of knives
upon plates—in other words (as the reporters would say), with
" enthusiastic applause." Not so in Ireland. Cork, Limerick, and
Wexford were disgraced, and the fiery champions of municipal
precedence were on their legs in an instant, shouting for justice,
and purple with excitement. The scene was terrible.

"Alderman Woods and Mr. Nagle, Mayor of Cork, rose simultaneously

to respond.—Alderman "Woods: 'I rise--' Mr. Nagle: 41 beg your

pardon.' {Great uproar, and cries of ' Sear Woods !' ' Sear Nagle !')—
Alderman Woods {scarcely audible) : 11 must request the Mayor of Cork to
take his seat.'—Mr. Nagle: 'I will not, Sir. {Great confusion.) As the

Mayor of the second city-' Alderman 'Woods : ' Sit down, Sir, and

don't interrupt me.' {General uproar.) Mr. Nagle : ' As the Mayor of

Cork, I claim-' (Terrible uproar, and cries of' Sear "Woods !') Alder-
man Woods : ' I will not sit down, Sir, until I am heard.' Mr. Nagle : 'I
have been insulted.' "

And now the time had arrived for the treading upon coat-tails,
and, doubtless, many a gallant Alderman regretted that he had left
his shillelah with his opera-hat in the vestibule. All eyes were
turned towards Mr. Nagle, and " an elegant quarrel" was evidently
expected. Fortunately, discretion even in Ireland is the better part
of valour; and Mr. Nagle, having declared himself insulted, pre-
pared to leave the room, amidst " a scene of great uproar." He was,
however, persuaded to return; and after he had once more taken
his seat at the hospitable board, Mr. Alderman Woods returned
thanks. Mr. Woods' observations are not chronicled, but doubtless
they were of the most edifying character. But the storm was not
over. To quote the report—

" Mr. Nagle followed, stating that Captain Johnson had exhibited a
very ingenious diplomacy in the gingerly manner in which he had proposed
the toast, and held that as Cork was the second city in Ireland, he should
have priority in responding.—Mr. Hall, Mayor of Limerick, followed, and
denied that Cork was more important than Limerick. He denied that Cork

was the second city in Ireland. Mr. Nagle : ' I rise to say-' Mr.

Hall: 'Sit down. I did not interrupt you.' {Cries of ' Chair ! Chair!')
Mr. Hall : 'Let me explain.' Mr. Nagle {very firmly) : 'I will not be
interrupted.' {Cries of 'Sit down!' and 'Chair! Chair!') Mr. Hall
then resumed, and defied any person to show that Cork was more important
than Limerick. He represented the city of Sarsfield. The city was the first
and last city in Ireland to fight for civil and religious liberty. {Great
cheering.)"

The "very firmly 'I will not be interrupted' " of Mr. Nagle,
the interrupter, was delightfully Irish, and was appreciated at its
proper value. But Mr. Hall had more to say. He did not con-
sider that the question of municipal precedence had been satisfac-
torily settled, so he offered more evidence "on the same side."
Said he—

"If parental importance gave a Mayor priority, he claimed it, because he
had one of the finest daughters in Ireland—{great laughter)—and if the
Mayor of Waterford gave any of the fine young fellows he saw round the
table a letter of introduction to him in Limerick, he would take care to see
that they were properly introduced to her. {Renewed laughter.)"

This argument was allowed to settle the question in dispute, and
after the Mayor of Waterford had insisted that the town he repre-
sented should have priority over Cork, Limerick, or Clonmel, the
company (once more to quote the report) " proceeded to spend a
very social evening." Mr. Punch only hopes that digestion waited
on this occasion, on appetite. It is scarcely necessary to say that
in England an uproar is not usually adopted as an excellent sub-
stitute for " brandy and coffee."

The second little meeting was held, as Mr. Punch has already
said, in Bally Gricken. Three hundred good men and true, from
the City of Waterford, were present, and Mr. Henry Sargent
addressed them from a very appropriate stand—the Bull Post; no
doubt the post to which, in the old times, Bulls, not M.P.'s, were
chained for baiting. The speech began pleasantly.

" Mr. Sargent commenced by calling on those present to give three cheers
for old Ireland. He cheered for Ireland from the depths of his Irish heart.
{Laughter.) He had but one object in view, and that was to be returned
the Home Rule Member for Waterford. If they returned him he would
succeed in blending the orange and the green. {Cheering.) Green was his
colour. [A lad who was convenient to him here kaocked off Mr. Sargent's
hat.] "

Which, to say the least of it, was very rude, and must have been
inconvenient to Mr. Sargent. However, Mr. Sargent was equal
to the occasion,—and here we have a glimpse of the sort of etiquette
that will be observed on College Green when the Irish House of
Commons meet once more in their old quarters. Says the reporter
of Mr. Sargent :—

"That gentleman turned round, and, with a stick he held in his hand,
amidst roars of laughter, began thrashing all round him with it."

These very striking arguments seem to have had their due effect,
and order was soon restored.

"Mr. Sargent continued. He said that it was not Sargent that was
speaking to them that day. {Laughter.)—A. Voice : ' Well, maybe it's your
ghost.' {Great laughter.)—Mr. Sargent: 'No; it was the spirit of the
great O'Connell that had come back to them through him, to implore of
them to return him (Mr. Sargent) to Parliament. {Soars of laughter.)"

And then came a threat that will cause much weeping in Peter-
borough and Bucks:—

"He assured them that the first time he met Disraeli he would call him
and Whalley to account tor wanting to pry into the mystery of convent
life."

In spite of this warning, so full of mystery and vague terror,
Mr. Sargent seemed to have a kinder side to his character, for he
immediately—