Punch: Punch (69.1875)

December 4, 1875.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

237

SONGS FOR THE NAYY.

The acute faculties of 3fr. Punch enable him, without
going into the gallery of St. Paul's Cathedral, to detect
even a whisper. It has been whispered that as a last
resource, the Authorities of the Admiralty have deter-
mined to resuscitate the spirit which is generally sup-
posed to have animated our seamen in the days of
Nelson by circulating a choice collection of songs
throughout the Navy. There being no Dibdin among
us, the productions of various authors, from Shak-
speare downwards, will be selected for the occasion, and
will include,—

".Full Fathom Five,'''' " Down Among the Dead Men,''''
" On Yonder Hock Reclining" - Come Unto these
Yellow Sands," "Poor Jack," "How Little Do the
Landsmen Know" "Down, Derry, Down," " Man the
Life-Boat," and many others of an equally lively
character.

It is also proposed to alter some of our nursery
rhymes for the education of our future sailors. As a
specimen of what may be done in that way, Mr. Punch is
enabled to publish the following :—

When we 're built up, up, up !

Then we go down, down, down !
Sometimes stern first, sometimes forward,—

But soon we'll be round, round, round !

Enough has been said to give# the reader some idea of
the interesting scheme which is in contemplation, and
to rouse the inventive faculties of those who would wish
to aid in the great work. All Mr. Punch can suggest
at present is that something might be made out of the
" Last Lines" of poor Thomas Ingoldsby, altered to

"As I lay a synkynge, a synkynge, a synkynge !"

Uncommon Affection.

A man, seventy-four years old, who lived a lonely and
penurious life in one of the meanest slums in Manchester,
was found by the police the other day dead in his house.
In a safe which they discovered on searching the pre-
mises, he had left behind him deeds and mortgage-bonds
to the value of £12,000, besides £200 in gold. A journal
announces these particulars in a paragraph headed with
"Death of a Miser." It adds that "Death resulted
from enlargement of the heart." Not exactly the sort
of complaint one would imagine a miser to have been
troubled with.

NICOTIANA.

Edith. " I'm astonished, Arthur, that totj can Sit here this lovely
Afternoon, doing nothing but that horrid Smoking ?"

Arthur. "If you'd been "Working hard all Morning, you'd bb glad to
Sit quiet, too."

Edith. "And what have you been doing, pray?"

Arthur. " "Why, I've been walking all round the Fields, picking up
Crow's FaATHUEs to clean my Pipe with I"

THE PRINCE AND THE PIGS.
Mb. Punch,

Zur,—No doubt but what you be glad to hear as how the
Prince of Wales is enjoyun of his self pretty tolerable out there in
Indiur. Arter all that are fuss and serramoney wi' the native
Princes and Grandees a've got to goo droo, 'tis raly needful vor un
now and tan to ha a little amusemunt, and what could be better
nor a spoort and passtime as ood zim vor the momunt like to teak
un back whoam agen to countree life ? Ut quite did my heart good,
and yourn too, I dare zay, to rade the f ollern messidge by wire
t'other day from Barwhooada :—

"The Prince op Wales and his party left Dutka at six o'clock this
morning for pig-sticking."

Jest like what his Ptyal Highnuss med a done at Sindrunham,
where o' coorse a kips pigs, and, when there's a lot on urn flt for
killun, is customed to git up early of a marnun to goo and zee um
stuck; and what moor sootable recreeaaishun fur a countree
gentulmun? An oppurtoonaty o' gwiun a pig-stickun out in
Indiur must ha ben just the thing vor un; and, by what follers,
you can zee how a enters into the sperrit on't, so much so as at
times for to take a hand in't his own self :—

"The Prince finally killed one pig."

No doubt to show them there native Rulers and chaps the right
way o' dooun on't. Talk o' pig-stickun, I'm bound to zay he

The Real Motto for Oxford.

{By an Ancient Mariner.)

" Water, water, everywhere,
But not a drop to drink ! "

show'd his self that handy he meead zome on 'um stare like stuck
pigs theirselves to zee un. Ut sims a didn't kill no moor nor one
pig. Jest one or two fur practua, once in the way or so, I take
ut, 's enuff to kip his hand in ; and the Prince o' Wales, like all
the rest on us, 'cept the regular pig-butchers, dwooant kill a pig
every day.

Wi' that observaashun to conclude, I be, Zur,

Your obajunt Sarvunt,
Chook, Bacon Hill, Sty ford, Nov., 1875. Chiddluns.

Premature.

" The term ' Attorney ' is now abolished."

No more Attorneys ? What good news !

All fears of law it banishes.
Alas! too bright these roseate views—

'Tis but the name that vanishes 1

Biter not Bit.

The late Mr. Morse, the celebrated humorist, was greatly
addicted to saying disagreeable things. Yearly, at the regular
season, he used to go and stay at the sea-side. Even there he never
feared to sleep in a lodging-house. He was so intensely bitter that
the fleas would never bite him.