Punch (70.1876)

76

PUNCH, OB, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 4, 1876.

Grand Juries to Boards elected by Twelve-pound Eatepayers—i.e.,
" out of the frying-pan into the fire."

The Irish Members had the tight to themselves ; and the opponents
of the Bill, led by Me. Kavanagh—who has a Bill of his own for
tinkering the frying-pan—had the best of it.

Then followed Home-Eule Measure Number Two, Mr. Butt's
Grand Jury Presentments Bill—knocked on the head after a refresh-
ingly short struggle.

Thursday {Lords).—Lord Salisbury introduced the Oxford
Reform Bill. The Government of the University is to be put into
Commission after 1877. Till then, if a House likes to put itself in
order to the Commissioners' satisfaction it may do so. Funds for
University needs are to be got by abolition of " Idle Fellowships,"
which ought to put £50,000 at the University's disposal at once, and
four times as much eventually. The Marquis tried to make a dis-
tinction between "idle fellows" and "idle fellowships." What
Colleges and Captains have to do is to get the idle "fellows" out
of their " ships as soon as may be.

Thursday's {Commons) Essence we have extracted in advance.

Friday {Lords).—The Loud Chancellor tried to prove that the
New House of Lords' Court of Appeal would be the Old House of
Lords—or that parvum concilium = Magnum Concilium. What's
in a name ? Lord Cairns could answer Juliet''s question.

Commons.—Holms of Hackney made a rash and ill-directed
attack on the Militia and the Barrack System, and was very ener-
geticaEy and sensibly answered by Mr. Hardy. Hackney readily
suggests hobby ; let not Mr. Holms, though sitting for the one, take
to riding on the other. _

PHILOLOGY "IN SPOET."

It is agreeable to notice a praiseworthy effort to make the study
of abstruse languages no longer a task and a drudgery, but a pastime
and a pleasure. . A Sanskrit JIandbook for the Fireside has our
cordial wishes for its success through many editions to come ; and
we hopefully look forward to a time when the language, dealt Avith
in this very aUuring manner, will have become as familiar as Irish
or Scotch, Erse or Gaelic, to many a solitary student by his lonely
hearth, to many a fair philologist in her comfortable chimney-
corner.

We are betraying no secrets, abusing no confidence, in announcing
that this help to Sanskrit is only the first of a series of Handbooks
planned to while away odd moments and unconsidered minutes. The
following pleasant little manuals may be expected to appear in due
course:—

Garden Strolls among Greek Roots.

Chinese at Tea-time.

Arabic over a Cup of Coffee.

A Gujarati Handbook for the Easy Chair.

Siamese in the Summer House.

Hungarian : a Hook for those who are kept waiting for Dinner.

How to study Polish while you are having your Boots blacked.

Tamil and Telugu : a Breakfast-in-Bed Book.

Turkish over a Pipe : a Bird's-eye view of the Language.

Anglo-Saxon in a Country Ramble.

Lcelandic : a Book for the Chimney ^Corner.

Half-Hours with the JIardest Languages.

SUN v. STEAM.

According to the Athenceu?n, a Frenchman " states that he has
proved his position of being enabled to use sunshine as a motive
power." This piece of scientific intelligence suggests three obvious
corollaries:—

1. The employment of sunshine as a means of locomotion is alto-

gether distinct from the extraction of that article from
cucumbers.

2. Should a patent be taken out for the practical application of

this discovery, it will be of but little value in the Metropolis,
Manchester, and other large cities and towns, owing to the
absence of the motive power for a considerable portion of the
year.

3. It may be fairly assumed that within twelve months from this

time some other sanguine projector will uphold the claims of
another motive power as equally efficacious—namely Moon-
shine.

The Pope and the Pretender.

The Carlist forces having been signally defeated at Vera, Estella,
and Tolosa, Don Carlos is told from the Vatican that, in the opinion
of the Holy Father, "he ought to cease carrying on war in Spain
now that there is no probability of his being successful." His
Holiness, claiming to be the Vicegerent of Heaven, recognises the
safety of siding with the big battalions.

MUSIC AND COOKERY.

meeting has been held at
the Mansion House, the
Lord Mayor in the Chair,
to aid the new National
Training School ior Music,
about to be opened at Ken-
sington? by the establish-
ment of Free Scholarships.
Several of these, the great
Corporation, City Com-
panies, and Common Coun-
cilmen, have undertaken
to found. Not a word can
be said against this laud-
able movement in the East,
to promote harmony and
the study of counterpoint
and thorough bass in the
West. But there is another
educational institution, now
in full operation at Ken-
sington, which, we trust,
will not be forgotten by
City opulence, appealing as
it must do to tastes and
pursuits which, for many
generations, have been
cultivated with untiring
energy and complete suc-
cess to the East of Temple
Bar. It can only be neces-
sary to name the School of
Cookery and its wants, to
prompt the most hospitable Corporation in the world; the 'Fish-
mongers, the Fruiterers, the Vintners, the Poulterers, the Cooks,
and all the rest of the festive City Companies; and the genial
Common Councilmen of Portsoken, Vintry, and every other ward in
London, to endow, with loving care and affectionate liberality, an
establishment in which they must all feel the deepest personal
interest—thereby showing that while they are mindful of the wants
of the larynx and the voice, they do not overlook the claims of the
epigastrium and the appetite, and are as sensible of the pleasures of
good eating, as they are alive to the delights of drinking in sweet
sounds. Music has had a hearing at the Mansion House : we hope
that Cookery also will soon receive proper attention in that congenial
atmosphere.

QUESTION IN RULE OF THEEE.

{For Vestries and Vestry Reformers.)

Pure and Mixed Mathematics. Time allowed, to December, 1876.

A Gentleman of Florence writes to say that all the snow that fell
in that City was rapidly carted away by hundreds of carts and
fiung into the Arno. Now, if a block of snow in front of my
door, measuring four inches by four inches, weighs two and a
half ounces, and can be compressed to one-third of its bulk (for
snowbaUing), how many carts, and of what capacity, will be re-
quired to cart away all the snow lying in one mile of a London
street fifty feet wide, the snow being four inches deep ? Having
found this, find how many carts, of the same capacity, will be
required to do the same work for all the main thoroughfares of
London, showing how they will get to their work, and how they will
travel to the Biver with their loads, and back empty (traffic not to
be suspended during this cartage).

Jenkins v. Jenkins.

The Jenkins tribe, it seems, are fain

In contrariety to revel:
One Jenkins writes The Devil's Chain,*

Another holds there is no Devil.
'Twixt two such Jenkinses, 'tis plain
Satan will find his proper level.
* Seethe drastic and didactic Temperance Novel, so called, byE. Jenkins,
Esa., M.P. for Dundee.

An Old Rhyme.

(Adapted to a Modem Mania.)

Angelina. Fain would I rink, hut that I fear to fall.
Edwin. You must risk " spillers," or not rink at all.