Punch (70.1876)

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98

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 18, 1876.

is it to be? " Empress," says Mr. Disraeli, with much emphasis, yet
with little force of logic, or reason of history. " Queen," says Mr.
Gladstone, with emphasis all the more effective for the pulse of
patriotism and force of feeling that beat and glowed under his words.

The House, like the Country, is most anxious to avoid anything
that shall have the appearance of interfering with Her Majesty's
choice of a title, still more of disapproving any title she may choose.
But Her Majesty always feels with the Country. For her best title,
if she still hesitates, we beg to refer her to our Cartoon, and to remind
her of the additional reason she has given in favour of '' Queen of
the East," by her last week's visit to the London Hospital, and the
womanly and motherly feeling which guided her kind hand to poor
little Katie Ambler's pale cheek.

Friday {Lords).—A good word for a good thing—Lord Shaftes-
bury on Training-ships—the most useful of machines (witness the boy-
heroes of the Goliath) to work up the waste of our back slums into
stout "fearnought"—about the best stuff going for wear and tear.

Government admits the need of able Seamen and the feasibility of
converting our X. Y. Z.'s into A.-B.'s. The question is, who's to
find the money P The Ship-owners, for whose use the article is
manufactured, are not at all disposed to pay for it. John Bull
doesn't like to be asked to dip his hands in his pocket, though it
would be cheaper, in the end, to turn street Arabs into sea-boys
than into gaol-birds.

(Commons.)—Mr. Brassey on the same tack as Lord Shaftes-
bury. Punch is glad to hear that the Admiralty is ready to pay
twenty-five pounds for every trained boy who joins the Navy, and
three pounds for every Naval Reserve boy, and to provide three
training-ships a year.

Mr. Brassey, besides training-ships to look after the launching
of our Jack-tars, wants a Pension Fund to provide for them when
"laid up in ordinary "—their best berth, when disabled, now being
the Workhouse.

Here again Government is welcome to do its xitmost, but Ship-
owners will not hear of a compulsory contribution. The Sailors'
Friends must fall back on "Voluntary Contributions"—in other
words, the generous must pay for the selfish.

" So was it ere my life began,
So is it, since I've been a man,
So will it be wben I am gone !
Let Shaftesburys, Brasseys, still work on ! "

Altogether, this has been one of Mr. Disraeli's bad weeks. He
has treated the House, strange to say, to bad taste, bad temper, and
stranger still, bad talk. Mr. Gladstone, on the other hand, has
been in rare force—quite a revival of the old man—

" The Arthur whom we knew,
From spur to crest a star of tournament."

THE 'VARSITY FCENERATOR.

ajores nostri furem dnpli
eondemnarunt, fosneratorem
quadrupli."—Cato.

The 'Varsity Sixty-per-
center
Is a gay and genial
wight j
In parting with his money
He taketh great delight;
And is piously glad when
the Dndergrad
At his gilded hook will
bite.

Some youth who go to
Cambridge
To sap for honour are
fain,

But the faster sort they
love their sport,
And the midnight oil
disdain,
Save that which lights
Unlimited Loo
And Van John's loss and
gain.

At pigeon-match and race-
course
They love to take the air,
And where they bet, " Hail fellow, well met! "

The Sixty-per-center 's there :
For a loser rash he '11 find the cash,
So nobody need despair.

These youthful Cantabs, gallant and gay,

Diversion merrily seek;
Both x and y they do defy,

And also Latin and Greek :
Who hard up would be found when twenty pound

Can be had for a pound a week ?

So Cambridge has its Tatter sail's :

Of course they choose the one day
When there's never a race or a lark in the rdace—

And life runs slow of a Sunday.
In his twentieth year what youth will fear

Don, Devil, or Mrs. Grundy ?

Still, inquisitive people want to know

If really Alma Mater
Likes boys in their teens to waste their means,

And so heavily mulct poor Pater f—
In their caps and gowns to be horsey clowns,

And slaves of the Foenerator ?

And you, young Cambridge gownsmen,

Distrust the genial cad
When out he totes his sheaf of notes,

Which for sixty per cent, may be had ;
Such helps over stiles are the Avay to the dogs,

And such lifts short cuts to the bad.

OUR NEW NOVEL.

Confidential Address.
Our P,eaders will learn with pleasure that negotiations have been
entered into with an Authoress of great repute, as the representative
of a certain school of fiction, for the immediate production of a
Novel in this Journal. The Editor, in pursuance of his usual course
of plain-spoken and open dealing between himself and the Readers
of this paper, wishes to put them in possession, at once, of the cir-
cumstances attending this new arrangement. For reasons which
will be appreciated in the proper quarter, he gives to the Public the
correspondence that has passed between the gifted Authoress and
himself, in lieu of preface to the forthcoming work, which he
believes will prove itself to be the Authoress's chef d'ceuvre—unsur-
passed by any work of fiction -within the present century.

Prefatory Correspondence.
From the Editor to Miss Rhody Dendron, Authoress of " Good-
bye, Sweet Tart!" " Red as a Nose is She," " Not Slily, but
Don't Tell,'''' " Cometh Doivn like a Shower,''' e/c, 8fc.
Dear Madam,

I have not had the great pleasure of reading any of your
charming Novels, but having heard from a great number of my
fairest and liveliest friends that your works are " awfully good," I
have determined upon asking you to give us something in your very
best and most characteristic style. You understand, of course, the
high moral tone which is required from all Contributors to this
Journal, and I am certain that it will be your aim and object, as
well as your greatest pride and truest pleasure, not only to adorn
your tale, but also to point clearly and emphatically a first-rate and
unexceptionable moral.

I remain, my dear Lady, yours, in most sincere admiration of your
undoubted and acknowledged talents, Tke Editor.

To the Editor from Miss Rhody Dendron, Authoress of " Fed as
a Nose is She," " Not Slily, but Don't Tell," "Good-bye,
Sweet Tart," Cometh Down like a Shower," tyc, fyc.
Dear Sir,

Do you object to tremendous Love interest ? If not, I think
I have the very thing for you. Yours truly,

R. D.

From the Editor to Miss P. D.

My Dear Young Lady,

I never object to " tremendous interest," even up to fifty
per cent. Yet permit me to observe, as a matter of business, that,
when the interest is extraordinary, the risk is proportionately large.
You will take this remark as made from a humorous point of view,
and will have too much uncommon sense to be in the least offended.
In fact, I am sure that I may leave the question of "Love interest"
to your own good taste, delicate feeling, and excellent judgment.

With most profound respect for your genius, and every confidence
in the result of our arrangement,

I beg to remain, &c, &c. {as before).

From Miss P. D. to the Editor.

Dear Sir,

I take you at your word. You are willing to accept a high
interest ivith proportionate risk. Of course L do not write for milk-
sops, and I am sure that you would not wish either yourself or your