Punch (70.1876)

118

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 25, 1876.

PERFORMANCES IN LENT.

Ihe Hampshire Independent,
under heading of "Lenten
Missions at Southampton,"
reports the particulars of
certain proceedings lately
conducted at various
churches in that town and
its neighbourhood by cer-
tain "mission preachers,"
invited by some thirty
Clergymen, who, "headed
by the Rural Dean, the
Lev. De. Cary, approached
the Lord Bisnop of "Win-
chester, and obtained his
sanction and warm approval
of a series of Services to be
held during the first eight
or ten days of the present
Lent." Some of these pro-
ceedings would once nave
been deemed prodigious,
and not merely extraordi-
nary ; but in these days
we are accustomed to no-
tices of Theatres Clerical,
such as the following ac-
count of a performance at—
" St. Michael's Church.—Those who, knowing the Ritualistic tendencies
at this church (Rev. F. M. Gregory's), expected that the Mission would be
accompanied by extravagances, were not disappointed. The notices, announ-
cing the Services stated the Mission Priests will be ready to hear confessions,
or to give spiritual direction after any of the Services, with the Service for
the renewal of baptismal vows."

The acting at the Rev. F. M. Gregory's Church, where " Mission
Priests" attended to hear confessions, if truly described, was very
close to the real thing indeed. Mr. Gregory appears to have played
the part of a provincial Pope Gregory in capital stjde. This is
further apparent from what follows:—

" On Saturday evening the Missioners (Keys. R. Linklater and L. N.
Joxes) were met by the Vicar and choristers at the old parsonage house,
where a procession was formed, and headed by one of the choristers bearing
aloft a jewelled crucifix, they proceeded to the church, singing, ' Onward,
Christian soldiers !' "

These soldiers, however, seem unaware that they are troops with
whom the genuine Pope's Own would not march through Coventry,
nor would have marched through Southampton.

A " service," we are told, was next "conducted " by Mr. Gregory
—playing Anti-Pope, perhaps, rather than Pope Gregory, as the
Ritualists disobey Pits. It was "taken from the Book of the
Mission " :—

In this book the advantages of coming to confession are set forth, with
directions 'how to make a good confession,' in which an admonition is given
' not to keep back anything,' to ' take care to be plain and simple, and if you
find it difficult, to ask the priest to help you ;' ' if you doubt whether any-
thing you have done was sinful, ask the priest;' 'keep to the point, and
remember you have to confess your own sins, not the sins of other people ;'
' make your confession as if it were your last, and you were going to die to-
night.' Then is given the following form of confession,"

This was simply the Eoman preamble to auricular confession
slightly garbled to suit the Ritualistic stage. It is followed by
the direction, "Then tell the priest your sins," and, that done,
finally, to pray " you, my father, to give me penance, counsel, and
absolution."

Might not the penitent, told not to confess the sins'of other
people, as well consider how far he is sure that his own will not be
divulged by his mimic " Father Confessor" ? There is nothing to
prevent a Ritualist from being a hypocrite; nor are there in the
laws of the Church by Law Established any provisions to regulate
the practice of " Confession," which, as a practice, that Church
ignores. No such provisions are likely to be made by Act of Parlia-
ment, and even if the Bishops could be prevailed to frame any,
what Ritualist—each his own Pope—could be trusted to obey his
Bishop ? Let boobies, therefore, beware how they play at auricular
confession.

The thirty odd Hampshire parsons have "approached" the
Bishop oe Winchester to such purpose that next, instead of
warily "approaching" him—getting at him in a gradual and
tentative manner—they will perhaps at once peremptorily request
him to patronise their sacerctotal performances. If the Rev. Mr.
Gregory, of Southampton, for instance, has the courage of his
opinions, will he hesitate to apply to his Diocesan for a faculty to
erect a Confessional in St. Michael's Church ? For that purpose
however, the mere faculty of imitation will not do.

AN EDUCATIONAL NORTHERN LIGHT.

In these days, when the Schoolmaster is so much abroad, what a
comfort to know that even where School Boards are not spread, the
banquet of instruction is ready for the children of the humbler as
well as the highest orders. And what instruction! Take as an
example the following bond fide educational menu—actually put
forth by a North Country Schoolmaster—which has been sent to
Mr, Punch, and which he reproduces textually.

" Mr. -■ now ventures to commend his scholastic attainments to the

inhabitants of the neighbourhood of-, feeling confident he has made him-
self master of a good sound English education, after pursuing the above object
many years—nevertheless returns his sincere thanks to those who have
favoured him with their patronage and yet earnestly solicits a favour of
greater patronage feeling assured that by strictness, perseverance, economy
and wonted ability he will give satisfaction to both sexes in tuition and also
to parents by imparting to their Children a liberal Education, consisting of
Reading, Writing, Grammar, Geography, Arithmetic in all its extensive
branches and powers, also Mathematics and Drawing.

"N.B.—Mr.--deems it highly necessary to remark that it is a matter

of great materiality regarding the progress in any boy or girl being absent at
school, as their progress entirely depends on their attendance, if the Teacher
do his duty, and it is an undeniable fact that Learning cannot be acquired

unless attention be paid, hence Mr.-■ only wishes to have attendance of

boys and girls, to prove what he has stated above, but he begs to say that he
wishes parents would deliver their Children into his hands and charge, as he
has already proved in several cases that indulging Children in laziness and
not making them obey their duty have been their ruin—thinking this a
sufficient remark yet without verbosity or any vague assurance—he hopes this
will be conclusive and worthy of the readers attention without embarrassment
of un-accomplished achievements.

" Method.—I. A course of intelligent study is initiated & steadily pur-
sued having immediate reference to the requirements of his meanest pupils.
II. The exercises worked by his pupils are carefully corrected and honestly
criticised and every means are taken to secure rapid improvement. III. The
result of six years experience are offered for consideration.

" Terms.—Learning the letters 2d. per week ; Beginning to read 3d.
per week ; Ditto Writing & Arithmetic 4d. per week; Small Hand Writers
od. per week ; Those learning Grammar 6c?. per week ; Drawing, Mathematics,
Geography, &c, from 9d. to Is. 6d."

Who can say the region enlightened by such an educational lumi-
nary as the author of this hand-bill can be in want of a School-
Board ?

SUPPORTERS OF THE CROWN.

A notable discovery was communicated to the Times the other
day by Mr. Henry Walker, the Honorary Secretary of the West
London Scientific Association. On the preceding Saturday after-
noon, in the brick earth pit of the old Thames bed at Crayford in
Kent, a gentleman belonging to the learned body abovenamed
found an unquestionable relic of a noble animal too commonly, of
late years, accounted a myth :—

" One of the members of this Association, Mr. R. W. Cheadle, of Christ's
Hospital, was successful in excavating a bone which was identified by Pro-
fessor Morris as the thighbone of a British species of lion."

Thus the British Lion, whose very name is sneered at by subver-
sive scoffers as all humbug, is now demonstrated to be a genuine
reality, at least to have been a real quadruped once ; a live lion in
his day, the most ancient of the good old days,—

" When wild in woods the noble savage ran."

The aboriginal Briton, bedaubed with woad. That is if in Britain
at that prehistoric period there existed any aborigines on two legs
and featherless, and if woad was comprised in the British flora at an
epoch when the British fauna included lions. But, most strange to
say, the discovery of the British Lion is not the only one made by
Mr. Cheadle, and a more remarkable case of " curious coincidence "
has perhaps never been announced in any journal than that which
remains to be pointed out:—:

" Mr. Cheadle found at the same time several teeth of rhinoceros in this
cemetery of ancient life among the hop-gardens of Kent."

It is indeed wonderful that remains of a creature in heraldry
associated with the British Lion, and popularly also regarded as a
fabulous monster, should have been discovered in actual vicinity
to those of its companion on the Royal Arms. That is to say,
unless the rhinoceros's teeth discovered by Mr. Cheadle were those
of a two-horned rhinoceros. If the creature they belonged to was
one of the ordinary Indian type, then, assuredly, that gentleman
has done himself the honour of discovering not only the Lion of
British antiquity, but likewise the Unicorn.

italy on erance.

La Republica non aveva che una Gambetta;
Adesso ha due gambe, e sta ferma ! "