Punch (70.1876)

210 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 27, 1876.

it, and if the King shonld ask, " Why da' ? " answer him in the
dialect of the Christy minstrel, "Cause dab John Bull's plan of
,'bringiri' naughty nigger to him senses."

\ ,.[Commo?is.)—By a natural law of association, Lord Robert
,'\io.ntaouk, raising the question of Egyptian Finance (on which no
light could be got out of Cate, beyond the general caution " cave "),
up to Sir J. M'Kenna on Financial Panics, which he thinks—
dear.simple soul, he is so innocent—maybe prevented by putting all
sorts of checks and stoppers on bank deposits!

The Chancellor oe the Exchequer declined to interpose between
fools and their money. The parting of the two might be painful,
, but Parliament could not prevent it.

Mr. Brassey, the Cassandra of the Merchant Service, spoke a
. weighty word of warning on the lack of sufficient training among
Second-class Merchant Captains. He would like to see voluntary
examinations in Modern Languages and Commercial Law (suppose
we add lludimental Surgery and Medicine, while we are about
it ?) with inducements to Merchant Officers to study at the Naval
College (suppose we insisted on a University Degree at once ?)

The much badgered President of the Board of Trade said he found
it quite difficult enough to get Merchant Captains through the Board
of Trade examinations as they are, and altogether declined to
aggravate the difficulties of the passage.

Mr. Butt moved to empty benches for leave to bring in a Bill for
coupling the lean, young Catholic University, and fat old Trinity
College into an Irish National University, Religion and Morality to
be under a Board of Roman Catholic Bishops, and any extra Endow-
ment that might be wanted to be drawn from the Irish Church
Surplus ! The proposition suits'the weather, being more cool than
seasonable.

Not a Liberal was visible above the gangway to hear Mr. Butt.
The Irish Tub was left, bhis time, to stand on its own bottom.

Mr. Walpole brought in the Cambridge Preform Bill. It is built
on the same lines as the Oxford Bill of the Government, and is as
good as a Government Measure. This Bill, too, contemplates a
process of transfusion—to bleed fat Colleges for the benefit of a lean
University. The scheme is to be worked by a Commission manned
by four Senior Wranglers, a Bishop, a Lord Chief Justice, and a
Professor of Divinity, with the mild wisdom of Mr. Bouverie as
Coxwain. Something like a University Crew !

Wednesday.—Mr. Cowen wants the Licensing business turned
over from the Magistrates to a Representative Board, elected by
the rate-payers. Sir W. Lawson supports him. He sees in Mr.
Cowen's Bill a step to his own Permissive Bill for shutting up
Publics by plebiscibe. Perhaps he thinks such Licensing Boards
will make public-houses so intolerable a nuisance that people wiU
sacrifice even their free agency to get rid of them, rather than
maintain them at the cost of a corruption to which Municipal and
Parliamentary corruption will be as snow to soot.

So argue Sir W. Harcourt, Sir W. Barttelot, and Mr. Henley.
The change is asked in the name of the Representative principle.
Better the J. P.'s than the L. V.'s with their hands on the tap ; and
that is what, in too many cases, it would come to, in all probability,
with a popularly-elected Board to decide the question, " Licence or
no Licence ? " A great deal too much licence, we should fear, would
follow the adoption of the change advocated by Mr. Cowen, but
rejected by the sound sense of the House, in a non-party division
of 274 to 109.

Thursday [Lords).—Lord Derby told the House about as much as
the telegrams have told us already on the murder of the Consuls
at Salonica, and the panic of the Christians at Constantinople. The
agitation is allayed, and Lord Derby hopes there is no danger. As
to that, Punch can only say that Lord Derby is constitutionally
cool, and that London is a long way off Constantinople.

Lord Powerscourt asked a question about Knightsbridge
Barracks.

Earl Cadogan said they would be built according to the plans in the
Tea-room of the House of Commons. Government had not yet taken
tenders, but they meant to be tough in resisting the remonstrances
of objectors, or suggestions of alteration.

[Commons)—Lord H. Lennox means to keep the Clock Tower-
dial iUuminated all night, whether the House is sitting or no, that
early birds of artisans may know what o'clock it is, on turning out
to their work. This is a very wise little bid for popularity of Lord
Henry. Considering how the face of Parliament itself beams upon
"the working-man" (especially about election time), the face of the
Parliamentary Time-keeper, outside the House, shoidd look bright
for him through the dark. " Ex luce lucellmn" might be the
motto under the clock.

England will be glad to know that Mr. Cross does not mean to
allow the startling misfeasance, or mistake, of the Coroner at a late
inquest into a mysterious death at Balham, to pass without remedy.

Lord Sandon laid the Government Elementary Education Bill on
the table. Enough for the night is the Bill thereof. Punch reserves
his- opinion of the "blessed babby " till he and the Lower House

have had time to sit upon it. Meantime, he fears the babe looks
rayther rickety.

It used to be a question among the Schoolmen, how many angels
could dance on the point of a needle ? The House amused itself
to-night with trying how many Economists could argue on the point
of an Income-tax exemption—whether its limit should be £80 or
£100—or whether the deduction should be £80 or £130 from incomes
up to £300 or £400.

It is hard to see how, if the one of these alternatives be statesman-
ship, the other can be Socialism, Communism, or any other awful
form of " ism." The Chancellor of the Exchequer has been
ingenious enough to ease the screw on four out of five thousand
contributors, while tightening it on the upper one-thousand, who
have less weight in elections and make less noise about paying taxes.

Friday.—No House, nowhere—except at the Guildhall, and there
a great house, with a greater crowd of guests, however, than it
could well hold—old Guildhall and appurtenances, and new ex-
temporary ball-room together—for the City's welcome home of the
Prince oe Wales.

TEMPERANCE IRISH MELODY.

nd is't the
foul fetters
of British
coercion
That the
free sons
of Ireland
must brook
all their
days?

No ! Let's spurn the base bonds, with indignant aversion,
For the specious compulsion to do as we plase.

'Tis ourselves that's determined to be our own masters,

And resolved to control one another alone,
By the holy decrees of our Priests and our Pastors,

For our neighbours' correction as well as our own.

Ah, mane is the slave that from Whiskey on Sunday
Is content with the lave for himself to abstain !

To shut all Shebeens in all faces that one day
From our tyrants to wrest the proud freedom we mane.

'Tis not the base Saxon this time that proposes
To quench wid could water the thirst of the free :

If it was, by the Piper that played before Moses,
What a hullaballoo the oppressor would see !

Wid a trumpet-like voice if the Saxon refuse us
Our demand to be ruled like gossoons at a school,

We '11 denounce the black villains like bondsmen that use us ;
The thieves of the world that deny us Home-Rule!

Title for the Prince—Old Style [By a Loyal Sbammerer) —
Indo-per-errator!__

The Quietest of Rubbers [wibh Punch's regards and respecbs bo
Mr. Masked yne).— Two Psychos playing.double dummy.