Punch (70.1876)

May 27, 1876.]

CHAEIVAEL

211

SAFE.

Sub-Lieutenant Bantling {in gasps). " Awfully— Slippery— take— Cake ! "
Muscular Belle. " Don't be Afraid ! I won't let you Down ! "

" WANTED—A PEESIDEIVT/'

It having become known that the Office of President of the Supreme Council
to His Highness the Khedive may be filled by a foreigner, the following
Letters have recently been received in Egypt:—

(Letter No. I. Marked "Important")

Seven Dials [near Belgravia, South Kensington, and
Your Highness, Eaton Square), London.

Permit me very respectfully to offer myself as a Candidate for the post
of President to your Council. For the last forty years I bave bad the greatest
possible experience in borrowing, in all its branches—from a shilling up to
£500,000. The latter sum was to have been paid to me in fully paid-up Shares ;
but (from circumstances beyond my control), as a matter of fact, neither money
nor shares reached my hands.

Should you think well of my application, be kind enough to forward me
£1,000 by return of post, to defray preRminary expenses. Failing this, I shall
be happy to receive the sum of at least five shillings in postage-stamps.

I have the honour to remain,
Your Highness's most obedient, humble Servant,

{Signed) Jeremiah Diddlee.

P.S.—Pardon me for leaving the postage of this letter unpaid. The paper
and envelope, too, might have been better bad I not been forced to borrow them
(with the pen and ink) from a waiter to whom I happen to be under obligations
of a pecuniary character. '

(Letter No. II. Marked " At Once:1)

Lower Tooting.

Miss Robertha Henrietta Mantrap presents her compliments to the Khe-
dive oe Egypt, and begs to say that she will be glad to accept the post of
President to His Highness's Supreme Council. As the Khedive says nothing
about the sex of the holder of the office, Miss Mantrap imagines that the fact
that she has the honour to be a woman will not prevent her from holding the
position she covets.

Miss Mantrap considers herself well suited for the office in question, as she
has a ready flow of language—a most important qualification, she believes, in
dealing with Egyptian accounts. She points with pride (in support of her

assertion) to a meeting held recently at St. George's
Hall, where Ladies proved, to the satisfaction of all pre-
sent, that the art of talking is by no means confined to
the soft sex.

Miss Mantrap also believes that she will give satis-
faction to the Khedive, as she shares with His Highness
a strong taste for what some people are pleased to term
—useless finery. Under these circumstances she asks for
the post she solicits with confidence, urgency, and deter-
mination.

(Letter No. III. Marked " Confidential:1)
Houndsditch, E., and St. James's Street, S. W., London.
Your Highness,

We shall be happy to accommodate you with
any amount up to £500 (at our tisual rate of interest—
from five to 1500 per cent, according to circumstances) on
your simple note of hand, on condition that you make our
senior partner President of your Supreme Council, and
the other members of our firm Barons of the Egyptian
Empire.

We are, Your Highness,

Yours very obediently,

( Moses Aaron Brown,
{Signed) | Levi Jonas Jones, and

( Reuben Isaac Robinson.
P.S.—Old Masters and cases of Champagne exchanged
for all sorts of Foreign Decorations.

(Letter No. IY. Marked " Immediate:')
Old Hoss, Broadway, Neiv York, U.S.A.

Ie you mean business, wire back. Make me
President of your Supreme Council and I will guarantee
to work Egypt from small potatoes into big pumpkins.
Say "yes Sirree," and expect me to liquor with you by
return mail.

Yours ready to do it,

{Signed) Samuel S. Shceaway.

(Letter No. Y. Marked, " to be opened by nobody:1)

Your Highness, Hanwell.

All hail. In you I recognise the greatest finan-
cier in the world. 1 wish to invest all my property
in your loans. But stop. I must break off now as
the keeper is coming through the ward.
Yours in the moon and stars,

Over the hills and far away,
{Signed) The Count de Luna Ticco.

(Letter No YI. Marked, " to be opened by anybody\1\

London, England.
Mr. John Bull presents his compliments to the
Khedive, and begs to refer His Highness to his friend
Mr. Punch1 s Cartoon of last week. Mr. John Bull
considers Egyptian Balloons very dangerous play-things.
Verbum sap.

THE SKIPPER'S SONG.
(Air—Obvious.)

A death on the Ocean Wave,

And a grave in the rolling deep,
For the Skipper whose owntrs save

On a foreign crew, dirt-cheap !
I've French, Dutch, Turk, and Greek,

Swede, Fin, and Portugee—
And all the lingoes they speak

Are heathen Greek to me !
So a death on the Ocean Wave,

And a grave in the rolling deep,
When I'm knived or knocked on the hea,d,

Some night, when no watch I keep.

For they all of 'em wear long knives,

And some have got pistols too,
And mine and my mates' dear lives

Aren't worth a tobaccy-screw !
They will take us unawares.

Like stuck pigs we shall die,
With no time to say our prayers,

And no chanCe to exchange " Good-bye."
For a death on the Ocean Wave,

And a grave in the rolling deep,
Is the Skipper's whose owners save

On a foreign crew, dirt-cheap !