Punch (70.1876)

218

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL

[May 27, 1876.

HINTS TO IMBECILES.

{Calls, Dinners, and Dances.)
Say that you are glad the Prince is back. If you have got cheek

ciation of Janauschee:—your own, nobody will know better. Say
that " dear Salyini " is back, and if your friends wilTstand'it, give
imitations of him.

Say that you have got to go. 1 ou may be sure that you won't be
asked to stay. Having departed, you can repeat your entertain-

enough, say that he ment a,t another

asked you to accom
pany him. Say that
you think he is look-
ing better for his
trip. Be very par-
ticular about his
personal appearance,
as it will induce
people, who don't
know you, to ima-
gine that you know
him. Say how glad
the Princess is, as
nobody will be rude
enough to ask who
told you; if anybody
does, by the bye, say
it is only to be ex-
pected that she
would be delighted
at the return of her
husband.

Leave this subject
at once, and, before
any one else has an
opening, say, with
the air of a Rusetn
or a Revelation,
that you have been
to the Academy.
Every one will
brighten up at this,
and want to discuss
the pictures. Don't
let them. You can
keep the game in
your hands now, and
gain fame as a
holder of original
views. Tour friends
will want to distil
the criticism which
they have obtained
from the papers.
They will rave over
the " The Daphne-
phoria," and go mad
over " Atalanta's
Race ; " they will
extol " The Widow-
er,'1'1 andadore " Over
the Hills and Far
Away" "Well, so can
anybody. But you
will abuse these
works; you will call
their painters names,
and say they ought
to be hung with their
pictures. Previous-
ly, however, learn
the names of two or
three very small
"skied" pictures,
by obscure artists,
and say loudly and
dogmatically that
those are the gems
of the Exhibition.
If any one says they
are not, shrug your
shoulders. If any

SURSUM CORDA.

First Footman. " Uncommon Dull Season, Mr. Chawles ! "

Second Ditto. " Hawful ! But now 'Wales ' is back, I do 'ope Things'll look up

A LITTLE ! "

house, with the
assurance that you
will be looked upon
in the light of an
agreeable rattle.

WANTED.

Successobs to the
following Officers of
State, and other Dig-
nitaries :—

The Grand Pan-
jandrum. He has
lost the little round
button at top, and
the gunpowder has
run out at the heels
of his boots. No
Joblollies need ap-
ply-

The Clerk of the
Weather. His con-
duct of public affairs
is becoming monoto-
nous. Even the few
people who are fond
of the East wind
begin to exclaim,
" Toujours per-
drix ! "

Mumbo Jumbo.
The present wearer
of triple tiara, weary
of Gladstone's tan-
tararara, though
rather too old to take
a wife, would fain
retire into private
life.

The Green-Eyed
Monster. Thorough-
ly worn out by Di-
vorce Court proceed-
ings, and by the
rapid succession of
sensational Othellos,
English and Italian,
this charming crea-
ture proposes to take
retired lodgings in
the Zoological Gar-
dens.

The Last Man.
Fatigued by waiting
for the Last Woman,
this important per-
sonage wishes to pair
off with somebody
else, and is willing
to sell at a moderate
price his unique
ticket for admission
to a private view of
theEndoftheWorld.

Suspicious.

We read in a pro-

critic present dis- vincial journal-

agrees with you, call him a hireling.

During the excitement caused by these latter remarks, you will
have time to explain the plot of Tannhaiiser. Say you heard it in
Germany, and it was far finer than in England. If any one asks
you in what town you heard it, call it quickly Cryptichonchoidsy-
phonostomata. Say Rossi is Hamlet from the Hanwell-padded-ward
point of view. He is not, but people don't know. Give the pronun-

EOURTEEN Gallons of MILK to DISPOSE OF daily. No objection
to make it twenty if required. Can commence next Wednesday morning.
Apply, &c.

" Allonger la soupe" is a French phrase for increasing the quantity
at the expense of the quality. Is this a proposal to lengthen the
milk on the same principle ?

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30, Loraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agneir, & Go., Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride,City of London.—Saturday , May 27, lBiS.