Punch (70.1876)

June 3, 1876.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 229

"Where's the.drag?" lie asked, when
tie found himself in the road.

" Here, Master," replied Toby, pointing
to a large hamper. '' The lunch is the real
Derby'J)rag—especially next morning."

Before Punch could reply, two charm-
ing young ladies seated themselves in the
aovel conveyance. One was a delightful
brunette, with a pure Italian skin, and
shining, hazel eyes ; the other a handsome
blonde.

" My dear girls," exclaimed Punch, " I
really don't think the Derby is quite the

place for-"

'Tor us!" interrupted the Brunette.
"My dear Sir, don't you know that the
highest Ladies in the land patronise the
race now-a-days ? "

" And you forget "Woman's Rights," put
in the Blonde. Surely, after the meeting
at St. George's Hall, you must he convinced
that Ladies having claimed the deference
paid to weakness, ought to enjoy the privi-
lege, until now yielded to strength and
power ? "

Punch would have argued this point, had
not his attention been attracted to the
strange '' steeds " that were being harnessed
to his hamper. Four large lobsters com-
posed the team.

"Dear me!" cried the Sage; "where
did vou get these from ? "

" Wot from the Westminster Aquarium,"
replied Toby, promptly. '' After the race
you know, Master, a raw lobster very often
carries you back to Epsom."

" Yes ! " murmured Punch. " But
surely night-mares should be kept for the
Oaks."

'' And if lobsters take you to Epsom after
the race, why shouldn't they hurry you
there before it ? "

And then the strange conveyance started.
Toby had promised his Master a new view
of the road ; and the Dog of Dogs kept his
word. Instead of the thousand carts and
carriages that usually appear on the Queen's
highway on the Derby Day, scarcely a
vehicle was visible. Punch noticed there
were a very large number of foreigners
making their way to Epsom. A swarthy
Gentleman, wearing a cap, strongly re-
minding him of a Tarn o'Shanter bonnet,
plus a tassel, particularly attracted his
notice. This swarthy Gentleman had two
silent companions in attendance upon him.

"Ah, Punch ! " said he, "here we are
safe and sound in England! Better off than
the peasants I left under the turf in Spain,
eh ? My staff—Oh, don't be frightened ;
they won't hurt you : at least, they'didn't
hnrt me ! Allow me to introduce Monarchy
and Fatherland.

"Impostors!" exclaimed Punch, as he
left the would-be regal Spaniard and his
companions in the distance, "Monarchy
and Fatherland, indeed! He should have
said, *SW/and Treason."

And now a very tall man indeed neared
PuncKs conveyance. The very tall man
had a long moustache, and looked like the
Cousin-German of an Irishman.

" Surprised to see me at the'Derby, Mr.
Punch?" he said, with a smile. "Why
should you be ? You and I are the wisest
men in the world ; and you are here. Be-
sides, you must remember that I am
ubiquitous. I should have been here last
year, hadn't that fellow Ajrnim kept me
tied to Germany."

" What Pkince Von Bis — "
" Silence, my friend ! I wish to preserve
my incognito."

'" Well, your Excellency, what are' the
,odds?"

Thus urged, the Sage arose, and having adopted a suitable costume, sallied forth. | "About live to one against the' Em-

PAYING TOO DEAR FOR HIS WHISTLE.

Donald. "E—h, Sir, ton's a gran' Fesh ye've gotten" a hated 0' ! "
The Laird. " Oo, aye, a gran' Fesh enoo, but I'd re Gay an' Glad if I saw my'Twa-
and-Saxpenny Flee weel oot o' his Mooth ! "

the world will be there, and you will disappoint the people in its millions if you do not
smile upon them, even as the sun in its azure.blue smiles upon the feathered songsters of
the grove."

" Toby," replied Punch, severely, " you have been reading'a leading article written by a
word-painter." The Dog blushed. " And now what do you want ? "
" It's the Derby Day, Master, and you ought to go to'Epsom."
" I can't," said Punch. " I have declared I won't go."

",Which_is the very reason why you ivill go. Come, Sir, it is the way of the""world.
Derby promises are made, like treaties—only to be broken."

" Oh, but I have done the thing so often," urged Punch. "I know what I shall see."

" No you don't," replied Toby, firmly, but respectfully. " I have everything ready, and
I promise you that you shall enjoy a novel sensation. I am perfectly unselfish in the matter.
I shall certainly turn my back upon the race while it's being run. J only care for the Dog's
Derby—need I say that I allude to the Waterloo Cup ? Come, Sir, you shall go."