Punch (70.1876)

230

[June 3, 1876.

peeoe's Aggression — gone up very much, lately; one hundred to
one against the Kaisee's Diplomacy; and any price about the
Sultan's Mismanagement, and the Khedive's Bankruptcy coupled."
" And you go in for ? "

" Oh, the old horse, I suppose— Blood and Iron. I may declare to
win with another animal, Civilisation, but the other's the best of
the two. Entre nous, what do you think of Debby's Caution ? "
That it's safe enough, if it can only stay ! "

And now Punch found himself on the course. Certainly it was a
novel sight, and yet there was nothing new. As he looked from his
hamper he noticed that there were a number of horse-leeches in his
neighbourhood. Toby shouted to him the latest odds.
"Why, what are these, Toby ? " asked Punch.

" Why, Betting-men, to be sure, Master," replied the Dog of Dogs.
" You know, Sir, that I like to call things by their right names. I
caught up the habit from you. But you see, Sir, that they do not
always pluck the pigeons they attempt to ensnare."

And then Punch observed that, thanks to Colonel Hendebson,
those worst of horse-flies, who throng the turf whereon races are
held, the London Boughs, were kept well in check by those most
useful of Blue-bottles, the Police of the Metropolis, and he noticed
that the tips of the sporting papers were easily recognised as the
dirtiest of bubbles, and he saw that the delights of the Derby were
the most toothsome of food and the dryest of champagne, and
he would doubtless have seen a great deal more had there not been
aery of "They 're off!"

Down rushed the horses in a little cloud of colour. For a moment
they were seen and then they disappeared. But they came again,
and amidst most tremendous excitement and cheering, the judge
announced the number of the winner !

" Who has won ? " cried Punch, eagerly.

" Why, I will tell you," replied Toby. " The winner is-"

And at this point the Sage of Fleet Street awoke—Punch''s dream
of the Derby was over!

STRAIGHT-TIP FROM THE STARS.

Coltness an abstract Horse appears ;
Wild Tommy ne'er a Tamer fears.
Thus speak the Planets in their courses !
Saw lay your wagers on the Horses.

etrarch's laurel
crown will shine:
Mineral Colt of
wealth be mine:
All Heart beat,
while Skylark
soars,
Forerunner runs
upon all fours.
Great Tom his
peal of triumph
sounds;
Hardrada no hard
road confounds;
To Julius Ccesar
what approacher ?
Braconnier'1 s a
noted poacher.
On Ambergris the
scent lies strong;
Bay Wyndham—
Avind him. No-
thing wrong.!

A Plea foe Egyptian Insolvency.—" Ex Nilo nihil fit:''

THE WINNING CARD.

A charger on the battle-field,

A courser o'er the plain,
In chase the Hunter beareth he ;

The AVarrior in campaign.

'Tis a sight to see the generous Nag,

As he Hies in full career,
Or to watch the team that whirls the Drag

Of the lofty charioteer.

But a downier view the Sporting Man
Of the Noble Creature takes ;

Though no Hippophagist, his eye
Is still on Horses' stakes.

e a e Horse',!
thou Noble
Animal!
All spirit,
strength,
and speed,
Endurance,
and doci-
lity,

And courage
high at
need!

The treasure
of the East-
ern Skeikh,
The pride of
theWestern
Peer:
His name
gives name
to Chivalry;
His rider's
the Cava-
lier.

With a view of the furthest point whereto

In the betting' he's like to go,
The odds on a Horse are all he cares

About that Horse to know.

He scans the Steed with no vain regard
To his form, his leaps, and bounds,

Bat values him as a playing card
For a prize of sterling pounds.

Then sing hey for the Noble Animal!

And the Noble Sportsman also !
And for milking, pulling, and hocussiug,

And all plants on the Turf that grow!

Anatomy of the Turf.

The Egyptians adored the Bull, and multitudes of us English are devoted to the Horse.
A thinking young man remarked that the Derby is the great annual Festival of Horse
Worship. His companion, a Medical Student, said that Horse Worshippers commonly spoke
with veneration of " that 'ere 'oss." The object of their worship seemed to be the os sacrum.

Infobmation Wanted.—Is the Mineral Colt a descendant of the "Iron Horse? "

WHAT TO DO OX THE DERBY
DAY.

" I think I shall go down to Hampton Court
and play tennis. As it is the Derby, nobody will
be there."—Sybil, by B. Disraeli.

Sueely the Premier's suggestion is worth
a thought. Quiet is hard to find in this
world, but it may be discovered on the
Derby Day. It is the very time to do a
little useful business. Exempli gratia :—

You may call on Lobd Deeby at the
Foreign Office, and find him ready to
listen to your views about the Herzegovina.

You may, in like manner, enlighten Sie
Staffoed Nobthcote on the difficult ques-
tion of Egyptian Finance.

You may look in at the Stock Exchange,
and show its Chairman the immense im-
portance of reforming that influential esta-
blishment.

You may have a quiet day of study at the
Reading-room of the British Museum, with
that polite Gentleman, the Principal Libra-
rian, in constant attendance upon you.

You may pass a happy hour at the
Academy in front of Me. Poyntee's picture,
calculating how long it will take Milanion
to fall on his nose.

You may climb to the gallery of Saint
Paul's, and look down upon a deserted
City.

You may have a river steamer all to
yourself from London Bridge to Rich-
mond, and dine in delightful isolation at
the " Star and Garter."

You may travel by Rail without the least
fear of being in a carriage with an un-
protected and aggressive female.

You may walk along Pall Mall, and not
see a human being you know.

You may drop in upon Mr. Diseaeli
with a dodge; and he will reply, »"&
y\avK 'AflWr tfyaye;—" There be coals at
Wallsend."

You may bring radiant Epigrams to Mr.
Punch. Toby will be found at home, and
in a fierce temper, because he does not go
to the Derby. Cave canem !