Punch (70.1876)

■;5.i PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 24, 1876.

make "the Quads" unmusical with babes. Then who
and what were the Commissioners ? Redesdale, a block.
Selborne, a psalm-singing bigot. Burgon, a jocose
fanatic. Mountague-Bernard, a High-church Editor.
Maine, an umbra of Lord Salisbury's. Grove, a judge
with no time to spare. Ridley, a nobody—and as such,
no doubt, a model Commissioner. Altogether the Right
Honourable Robert presented what may be called, in
every sense, a Lowe view of the Commission, Research,
the University and its work. But Lowe withstanding,
the Bill was read a Second Time with the understanding
that further ventilation of the irreconcileable views of
its foes and friends should be kept for-Second Reading
of the Cambridge Bill next week.

Tuesday {Lords).—Their Lordships reassembled after
their Whitsun holiday, and threw themselves into their
work of Third Reading of Trades' Unions Amendment
and Salmon Fisheries Bills, with a cheerful alertness,
which showed how much their Whitsun rest has done to
repair the ravages of hard labour on their venerable
frames.

[Commons.)—First Morning Sitting of the Session, on
Poor Law Amendment. A clause to give Irish Paupers
English settlements by three years' residence, was all of
a sudden made general: another step—taken, Punch is
bound to say, without the least premeditation—in the
direction of an end that must be reached—the end of
Settlement.

Mr. Serjeant Simon—one would be tempted to dub
him Simple Simon on this occasion—made an unadvised
attempt to prohibit all workhouse separation of husband
and wife. As it is, pauper couples of more than sixty
are left together. This is as much as can fairly be asked,
supposing a reasonable latitude left to Guardians of
relaxing the rule where man or wife is between fifty and
sixty.

In the Evening Sitting, the Report of the Royal Com-
mission on the (in) famous Fugitive Slave Circular was
laid on the table. Its recommendations amount to a
decent burial, under a proper salvo of circumlocutory
blank cartridge, of the stupid Circular, and a practical
restitution to our Naval Officers of the discretion which
should never have been interfered with.

Lord Elcho moved Resolutions—-first, that Metro-
politan Municipal Reform deserves the attention of
Government; second, that such reform should be worked
through a single body. He travelled the old round ;
showed up the confusion, inefficiency, and wastefulness
of our present higgledy-piggledy systems in drainage,
scavenging, street management, markets, paving, gas,
water, &c.; described how he would have the pale of the
Corporation enlarged to take in the four millions now
left to the untender mercies of more than thirty Vestries
and District Boards. Sir G. Bowter declared that, so
governed, the Capital would become a Country, its
council a Parliament, and its Lord Mayor the President
of a Republic, which might ultimately threaten the
existence of the Monarchy. The Right Hon. Robert
Lowe gave himself thfe^f eat pleasure of running a-muck
among the Vestries. He painted a repulsive picture of
the British Vestryman, on a principle the reverse of
Queen Elizabeth's, all shadows ; and with the same
vivid vitriolic colours which he had-used the night before
for the portraits of the Oxford Commission. Mr. Cross,
admitting that London needed better local government,
criticised Lord Elcho's plan, but declined to commit
himself for the Government to that or any other scheme.

(Why not meet me, my dear Mr. Cross, and let you
and me settle a plan for the government of the Metro-
polis between us P I may tell you in confidence that I
have one cut and dried ; and I feel sure, from the sound
sense you show on all matters you take in hand, that you
and I should understand one another. My plan embraces
all the good points of Lord Elcho's, and meets all your
criticisms. Verbum sap. I am always at home between
nine and twelve.)

Lord Elcho, having served his purpose by his speech
and the discussion, withdrew his Resolutions.

Lewis the Indefatigable made a desperate attempt to
get. more of his say than the Speaker would stand on the
further adjournment of the adjourned debate on the
Strangers'- Exclusion Resolution. What unlucky out-
sider has been touching up Mr. Lewis on the raw ?

Wednesday.—Sir Wilfrid's annual field-day. The
well-known old deer, "Permissive Prohibitory," was

turned out, started, and run down, after a gallant burst. Our ancient friend is
still fresh and game, though, perhaps, he hardly afforded the sport he has given
in former years. Parliament is still stubborn (by 299 to 81) in its determination
not to allow two-thirds of the householders of a place to shut the public-house
doors against the other third; not to make a rough division of the population
into those who never enter a bar, and those who can't enter one without making
beasts of themselves ; and not to fling the country into an annual ferment, with
the beer-distributing interest all on one side.

We pity Sir Wilfred, who has to face his annual Parliamentary cold douche
hot from the Turkish bath of his Exeter Hall Meeting, packed with his friends,
and steaming with the fervid feverheat of their somewhat intemperate temper-
ance. But Russian constitutions, they say, can stand the transition from their
hot baths to the snow—and Sir Wilfrid seems none the worse for the shock.
He always comes up smiling after his annual knock-down.

Thursday {Lords).—A little talk about Turkey between Lord Delawarr
and Lord Derby. Lord De-la-palx should be the interpellator on that subject
just now, so peaceful does all look of a sudden, by the Bosphorus. The Dogs
of War have been checked—and pretty sharply—if not securely chained up yet.

{Commons.)—Second Reading of Lord Sandon's Education Bill.

Mr. Mundella, who moved an Amendment, Lord F. Cavendish, Dr. Play-
fair, and Mr. Dixon, took up the cudgels for compulsion.

Mr. Ridley, Mr. Onslow, Mr. Birley, Mr. Pell, Mr. A. Mills, and Mr.
Walter thought the Bill went as far in taking the horse to the water as it
was safe to go. {Punch agrees with them. It won't do to strain even the
cords of love too tight.)

Lord Robert Montagu showed himself off in the characteristic attitude of
an opponent of the Bill and the Amendment both—abused School-Boards,
declared the Bill would interfere with labour, strike at religion, and, if it did
not " fill the butchers' shops with large blue flies," would tend to make England
for all reasons and in all respects a land not worth living in.

Lord Robert's abuse of the Bill ought to secure its acceptance with rational
folks. The debate was adjourned till Monday; but the Bill will be carried,
and so it ought to be, for it seems a good Bill as far as it goes, and satisfies
those sensible people who are content to put up with half-loaves in this Wale
of Compromise.

Friday {Lords).—Nonessential business.

{Commons.)—Heavy business. A Monster Petition, said to bear 102,000
signatures against any further Grants to the E,oyal Family was lugged in with
some difficulty by Messrs. Burt and Macdonald (only ex-working men could
have "hefted" the huge roll, and deposited it behind the table). If opinion
is to be weighed, such a petition ought to count heavily. Then came
Questions {Punch is glad to know we are not going to make a present of
Heligoland to Germany. If we gave it up to anybody, it would be to Denmark,
from whom we took it), and Sensation (Mr. Disraeli was unable to inform
Mr. Bright of the real motives for the wholesale murder of Ministers at
Constantinople.) Miscellaneous Friday-night talk finished the evening.