Punch (77.1879)

36 PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHARIVABI. [Jm* 26, 1879.

ably indebted for the kindness. If fond of literature, a heavy In consequence of favourable telegrams, joyous peals were again
though not necessarily scientific book on the Derby, will be a suffi-
cient qualification, though it will not entitle you to a decoration.
An order once obtained, you can pass right through the Court, in at
one door and out at the other, and see all the curiosities for a com-
paratively small gratuity, as the system of " No Fees" has not yet,
we regret to say, been adopted at this establishment.

ST. SWITHIN'S, 1879,

K Tuesday, the
15th, the anni-
\ versary of Saint
)) Swithin, the
patron Saint of
watery England,
was observed
with even more
than ordinary
interest and
solemnity.

At Winches-
ter, of which
city St. Swithin
was bishop, and
where he is
buried — every
schoolboy knows,
or ought to know,
the legend which
is the foundation
of all meteorolo-
gical science —
the day was kept
as a public holi-
day. That pre-
cious and vener-
able relic, the
Saint's umbrella,
was carried from

its jewelled case on the shoulders of the Cathedral vergers, and
hoisted on the Cathedral tower, in the presence of the Mayor and
Corporation, the Dean and Chapter, the City and County Members,
the Astronomer-Royal, the Council of the Meteorological Society,
the Clerk of the Weather, and many other civil, military, and
ecclesiastical functionaries. A procession was then formed to the
spot where St. Swithin's shrine stood, and in front of it were de-
posited a barometer, an old-fashioned weather-house, the day's
Ti?nes, containing the weather-chart and forecast, and the latest
telegrams from Valentia, Shields, Scilly, and other meteorological
stations in the United Kingdom. A selection of appropriate music
was performed on the organ, including the "Hailstone Chorus."
At the banquet which followed at night, the two toasts which have
been given from time immemorial—" The Memory of St. Swithin "
and " The Weather "—were duly honoured.

At Winchester, Worcester, Lincoln, and in other places where
churches exist dedicated to St. Swithin, flags were hoisted on the
weathercock by the Senior Churchwarden assisted by the Arch-
deacon's Apparitor.

The bells of the Cathedral and all the churches in Winchester
rang merry peals when the head verger ascended the tower at
noon, and closed the umbrella—the welcome indication that the day
was fair.

The rain-gauges and the cones at Greenwich and all the principal
weather-stations were decorated with flowers.

In the Metropolis the official inspection of the weather commenced
immediately after midnight, and was anxiously continued, without
intermission, during the four-and-twenty hours. The summits of
the Duke of "York's column and the Monument were selected this
year as the posts of observation. The Lord Privy Seal and
the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster (having nothing else
particular to do) attended in their robes of office on behalf of the
Crown. At the Monument the Lord Mayor, who was assisted in
his quarter-of-an-hourly registration by the Recorder and the
Remembrancer, presided. Refreshments were supplied, and the
choir sang " The Rainy Day" by Longfellow.

As the day advanced, the betting on the Stock Exchange and at
the Clubs was even on fair weather, and, later on, two to one was
taken and offered.

At nightfall the apartments of the Meteorological Society, and
the offices of the Meteorological Department and the Tithe Commis-
sioners—tithes having been established in England through St.
Swithin—were brilliantly illuminated. The day having passed off
in London without rain, the leading umbrella and waterproof manu-
facturers forbore to light up their establishments.

rung at Winchester at midnight. The Saint's umbrella was restored
to its case by the Mayor and the Dean, amidst a blaze of fireworks,
and the city then resumed its usual tranquillity.

There were great rejoicings in the agricultural districts, and in
several places an umbrella was burnt in effigy.

SOMEBODY'S DIARY.

Monday.—Having sent back Mr. Thomas Brooke, of Leeds, his
contribution, and having deposited " it " in the hands of my bankers,
felt no scruple in commencing my much-needed holiday. Before
settling down to my much-required relaxation, thought I would take
a little business-tour. Started accordingly. Arrived in Paris, and
called upon MM. Grew, Gambetta, and Marshal Macmahon. Very
unsatisfactory interviews. After all, wrho cares for the Grand Cordon
of the Legion of Honour !

Tuesday. — By unheard-of exertions reached Berlin. Visited
BlSMARCK. The Prince was very civil, but thought that Lord
Beaconsfield might feel offended if he (Bismarck) accepted my
proposal. Learned incidentally that it is not the custom in Germany
to appoint Englishmen Field-Marshals. It appears that no exception
can be made to this rule.

Wednesday.—Managed to reach Constantinople in time to see the
Sultan. His Majesty was very gracious, but assured me that it
was a point of nationality as well as religion with him to wear no head-
covering except the fez. We talked about Egypt. It seems that
the Great Powers will not permit Tewfik to be deposed in favour of
an Englishman. This international jealousy is very narrow—not to
say detrimental to the truest interests of Egypt.

Thursday.—Again by unheard-of exertions reached St. Peters-
burg just as the Czar was retiring to rest. Showed His Majesty a
photograph of it. Alexander declared it to be " sweetly pretty,"
but explained that he was too much occupied with the schemes of
the Nihilists just now to attend to anything else. His Majesty,
however, very kindly offered me an appointment in Siberia. Pro-
mised to take the matter into serious consideration, but fear that,
accustomed as I am to the air of Leamington, the climate about
Irkutsk would be too bracing for me.

Friday.—By dint of extremely rapid travelling found myself in
the capital of Denmark. Was introduced to a gentleman who de-
scribed himself as the king of the country. My proposal was eagerly
accepted, and I was begged to take the sovereignty of Sweden and
Norway, and a large slice of Schleswig-Holstein. My Civil List was
fixed at two and a half millions sterling ; but just as we were coming
conclusively to business, ,the gentleman was arrested by two keepers
as an escaped lunatic. Subsequently called upon the King. His
Majesty unfortunately was not at home.

Saturday.—Once more by unheard-of exertions reached a French
watering-place. Found three hundred and fourteen refusals waiting
for me. Wrote to my bankers, begging them to continue to keep it
pro tern, on their hands, and leaving Lord Beaconsfield and my
ill-requited endeavours to serve him, to a just, unbiassed, and dis-
criminating British public, proceeded, without further correspond-
ence, to the enjoyment of my much-needed holiday.

Say the Antivivisectionists.

In the name of humanity, truce to this wrangling!
We '11 have no more Cats either mangled or mangling.
Your Surgeons' Cats' tortures don't teach us a tittle ;
And barrack-cats' tortures avail just as little.

Good Advertisement for a Rising- Young Actor.

{At his service for a Professional Paper.)

Mr. Hare is fortunate in having secured the services of Mr. Ter-
riss. We find in him that scarce article, a good jeune premier—-
vara avis in Terriss. [TJxit.

the joke of the cream.

At the Kilburn Show, the first prize for Cream Cheese was taken
by the Aylesbury Dairy Company. No doubt the Company's Cheese
was a sample of the creme de la creme.

Amendment on Irish Motion.—Vote that the Chairman report
Progress. No. Vote that he report Obstruction.

England's Troublesome Relations.—Her Foreign ones.

&%" To Correspondents.—Th e Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.