Punch (80.1881)

January 8, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

i

ALL ABOUT IT.

[From Our Irritable Catechist.)

Question. "Well,—have you seen the Queen's Speech yet f
Answer. I have. Here you are :—

My Loeds and Gentlemen,
I have received really handsome Christmas Cards from Mr.
Paenell and nearly all the other Great Powers of Europe.

Gentlemen of the House of Commons,
You will have, whether you like it or not, as usual to pay
for everything.

My Loeds and Gentlemen,
My Government? will submit to you a proposal for the more
"comfortable settlement of Irish landowners in the Cannibal
Islands.

are als0 preparing a measure which will enable me to
cover the whole of this discontented portion of my empire with
wood pavement; an arrangement which I confidently trust will,
under the superintendence of an experienced Stage Manager,
afford to popular agitators ample and agreeable room for their
frequent performances.
You will also be called upon to consider the nature of fog.

—And that's all.
Q. Thanks. And now, who on earth are the Boers ?
A. Half Dutch; but in their present attitude just equal to
Double Dutch; and evidently on their own Dutch mettle.
Q. What do they want ?

A. More Potchefst-room. Anything. Everything. How should
I know. Perhaps Baetle Feeee's head!

Q. Dear me, you surprise me. By the wav, who is Sir Baetle
Feeee ?

A. An escaped South-African Emperor who has written to the
Times. In early life he was a Mastodon Minstrel, but now he is to
be seen daily, from ten to four, anywhere for nothing. Will that do
for you ?

Q. Thank you, capitally. And now can you tell'me Mr. Foestee's
very last joke about the withdrawal of Lord Chief Justice May ?
A. Certainly. He said that though justice in Ireland had often

been measured out to order,.he had [no wish himself to see it ready
mai/d.

Q. Quite so. And on the point of this being fully explained to
the Peemiee at the last Cabinet Council by all the Members in turn,
did he see it and laugh ?

A. No, he didn't.

Interrogator. Thank you. And now I think that that will perhaps
be enough for this week !

TEMPERANCE AND TRUTH.

De. Edmunds in a letter to the Times, has advanced the claims,
and notified the merits of the London Temperance Hospital, to which
he is Senior Physician. The rule enforced in this institution, although
"the medical staff are in no way restrained from the use of alcohol,"
as an exception, is that of the entire disuse of spirituous and fer-
mented liquors in both food and physic ; in fact, the practice of
Total Abstinence. Now, "Temperance" is " moderation opposed
to gluttony and drunkenness." As synonymous with Total Abstin-
ence, and opposed to Moderation, the word Temperance obviously
conveys the insinuation that Moderation is Intemperance. All
possible success to the London Temperance Hospital, and to a similar
Charity about to be established in the Hampstead Road ; but let
things be called by their right names, and not anything by a name
which implies an illogical fib.

Unseasonable Announcement.

The Times'1 City Article the other day oontained the statement
that—

" There has been more business done in Mincing Lane than usual so near
Christmas."

Of course, for the mince pies, of which, perhaps, many more than
usual were eaten. Good!

by new yeae's eve.

A Gentleman of whom we hear a great deal to-day is "Tom
Orrow."

vol. lxxx. b