Punch (80.1881)

February 26, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

85

JUST T OTHER WAY!

Dramatist. " I thought you might have forgotten that Review of my
Com-"

Critic. "My dear Fellow, I'm just writing it down-"

Dramatist {shuddering). " Phew !—No, no ! For Goodness' sake don't do
that ! Write it dp, dear Boy !—Write it up ! ! "

THE GOOD CITIZEN'S DIARY.

January.—Send to the parochial authorities, and ask them for particulars of
the rates they require for the year. Send to the Surveyor of Taxes for similar
information. Take out dog licence; pay insurance, and receive dividends (if
you have any to receive), less Income-tax.

February.—Balance your books, and make a liberal estimate of your profits
a year in advance—a date about six months after the threatened destruction of
the world, so as to send in a good return to the Income-tax Commissioners.

March.—Receive an assessment from the Surveyor of Taxes with Christian
humility, although it puts your profits at three times the amount of your return.
Tax-collectors always assume that they are dealing with a nation of liars.

April.—Pay the year in advance assessment of the Surveyor of Taxes,
without appealing, and send a little conscience money to the Chancellor of the
Exchequer. Do this on the First, if possible.

May.—Pay second assessment of Local Rates.

June.—Pay General Taxes—Inhabited House Duty, &c. Receive notice from
parochial authorities as to the payment of rates, &c.

July.—Pay Eire Insurance, Water-rates, &c. Pay Poor-rates before 20th to
preserve your right of voting.

August.—Prepare for Autumnal assessments.

September.—Communicate with parochial authorities as to increase of assess-
ments under the heads of School-Board, Metropolitan Board of Works, &c.
October.—Pay increased assessments without appeal.

November.—After paying Highway-rates, prepare to remove your own snow
and mud.

December.—If you have any cash left, send a little more conscience-money to
the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and after that pay rent and look over your
tradesmen's bills.

Via Gurton and Newnham.—The nearest approach to Women wearing the
—ahem—unmentionables—is when a Girtonian or a Newnhamite goes in for
' Smalls." Our Girls are getting along wonderfully.

DADO !

A High Art Comic Song for the Common People, pub-
lished under the auspices of the Kyrle Society.

Am— ilDoo-da !"

Oh, sweet adornment for a cottage wall,

Dado! Dado!
Oh, poverty's sure solace whatsoe'er befall,

Dado ! Dado Da !
To dream of thee all night,
To gaze on thee all day,
Is the proletariat's supreme delight—

Dado! Dado Da!

Though the floor be dirty and the walls be damp,

Dado! Dado!
Though thy lines be litten by no High Art lamp,

Dado! Dado Da !
Thy tones," thy tricksy twirls,
Will make the workman gay,
His boys will polish, and refine his girls—

Dado ! Dado Da!

When the grate is empty and the cupboard bare,

Dado! Dado !
When the Briton's tugging at his wife's back hair,

Dado ! Dado Da !
How rapturous to mark
Thy grades of green or grav,
Where the farthing dip dispels the den's dim dark-
Dado! Dado Da !

When the penny bloater 's on the breakfast board,

Dado! Dado!
And the weak washy coffee from the cracked iug's poured,

Dado ! Dado Da !
To watch the blob-eyed fish
That on thee dive and play,
Must add a relish to the morning dish,

Dado! Dado Da!

When sickness haunts the den on mud-swamp built,

Dado! Dado!
And the chill clamp striketh through the tattered quilt,

Dado! Dado Da!
Thy lilies lank and wan,
Each stork, each sunflower spray,
Must come as cordial to the starved sick man,

Dado! Dado Da!

" Arrangements horizontal" in the Japanese style,

Dado! Dado!
And vertical vagaries that might make a Trappist smile,

Dado! Dado Da!
Will lend aesthetic grace
To the garret grim and gray,
Though there's hardly any furniture at all about the
place,

Dado ! Dado Da !

Oh, excellent invention of the " Utter " school!

Dado! Dado!
Philanthropy most palpably to thee is but a fool.

Dado! Dado Da!
Whilst sanitary sense
And Science must give Avay
To thee, oh final outcome of the Cult of the Intense-
Dado ! Dado Da!

Limited Subscription?

An advertisement lately put forth in the Times, noti-
fying that the Resident Secretaryship of the Charing-
Cross Hospital would shortly become vacant, informed
those whom it might concern that " Candidates must be
members of the Church of England." This has bi n
justly represented as equivalent to the intimation that
'"No Dissenter need apply;" but, of course, the
Governors and Committee of Charing-Cross Hospital
are in consistency prepared also to announce that "No
Dissenter need subscribe." Only perhaps they consider
that announcement sufficiently implied by the other.

A Fox's Sentiment.—" No Followers.

VOJ,. LXXZ,