Punch (80.1881)

March 12, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 109

A NOTE AND QUERY.

Wife (given to Literature and the Drama). " George, what is the meaning
of the Expression, ' Go to !' you meet with so often in Siiakspeare and
the old Dramatists ? "

Husband (not a reading Man). "'Don't know, I'm sure, Dear, unless-

Well,—p'raps he was going to say-but thought it wouldn't sound

proper ! "

THE SONG OF PAHTAHQUAHONG.

"The Rev. Henry Pahtahquahong Chase, hereditary
Chief of the Ojibway tribe, President of the Grand Council of
Indians, and missionary of the Colonial and Continental Church
Society at Muncey Town, Ontario, Canada, has just arrived in
England, on a short visit."—The Standard,

Straight across the Big-Sea-Water,
From the Portals of the Sunset,
From the prairies of the Red Men,
Where Suggema, the mosquito,
Makes the aggravated hunter
Scratch himself with awful language ;
From the land of Hiawatha,
Land of wigwams, and of wampum,
Land of tomahawks and scalping,
(See the works of J. F. Cooper,)
Comes the mighty Pahtahquahong,
Comes the Chief of the Ojibways.

Wot ye well, we '11 give him welcome,
After manner of the Pale Face,
Show him all the old world's wonders,
Griffins in the public highways,
Gormandising corporations,
And the Market of Mud-Salad.
Show him, too the dingy Palace,
And the House of Talkee-Talkee ;
Where the Jossakeeds—the prophets—
And the Chieftains raise their voices,
Like Iagoo the great boaster,
With immeasurable gabble,
Talking much and doing little^
Till one wishes they could vanish
To the kingdom of Ponemah—
To the Land of the Hereafter !

W^e will show him all the glories
Of this land of shams and swindles,
Land of much adulteration,
Dusting tea and sanding sugar, -
And of goods not up to sample ;
Till disgusted Pahtahquahong,
Till the Chief of the Ojibways,
President of Indian Council,
Missionary swell, and so forth,
Cries, " Oh, let me leave this England,
Land of Bumbledom and Beadles,
Of a thousand Boards and Vestries ;
Let me cross the Big-Sea-Water,
With Keewaydin—with the Home Wind,
And go back to the Ojibways ! "

FRAGMENTS FROM AN UNPUBLISHED BLUE BOOK.

From Somebody in Command Abroad to Nobody Responsible at Home.

_ I think it my duty to inform you that there are signs of disaffec-
tion in _ this Colony, that may, if not met soon by a prompt and
energetic display of force, possibly lead to serious consequences. On
good authority, I hear, that if the situation becomes acute, we may
expect fully 6,000 well-armed men in the field against us. As I have
at present under my command but one company and a drummer-boy
of the 260th, a mountain gun, the ammunition for which has not yet
arrived, and five men of the Naval Brigade, I should be glad to
know that Her Majesty's Government realised the gravity of the
situation.

Fi ~om Nobody Responsible at Home to Somebody in Command Abroad.

Tour ridiculously alarmist despatch to hand. How often shall I
have to impress on you that what you describe as the " gravity of
the situation " abroad, must depend solely on the look of the Estimates
at home f We are, you must be thoroughly aware, pledged not to
spend money.

The arrival of your communication is, therefore, all the more
untimely, as orders had already been issued for the return of half
the company, together with the gun, now at your disposal. I trust
by the date this reaches you that the sensational rumours will have
been satisfactorily dissipated.

Somebody in Command Abroad to Nobody Responsible at Home.

I regret to inform you that I was attacked yesterday by an over-
whelmingly superior force, and am in consequence now holding this
Colony, as well as I can, in Her Majesty's name, with the assistance
of my Aide-de-Camp, the drummer-boy, and a couple of friendly
natives._ I really must impress on you the necessity of sending out
some reinforcements.

Nobody Responsible at Home to Somebody in Command Abroad.

Your despatch inexplicable. It simply means another £100,000
on to the Estimates. This is most annoying. However, as the
situation seems embarrassing, you will be strengthened at once by
the re-despatch of the half company, an additional drummer-boy,
and the ammunition for the mountain gun.

Somebody in Command Abroad to Nobody Responsible at Home.

I regret to have again to inform you, that I have been over-
whelmed by superior forces, and after being utterly routed, am now
holding this Colony, in Her Majesty's name, by myself, disguised,
in a ditch. I attribute this result to the difficulty I experienced in
persuading the enemy that the force I have hitherto had at my dis-
posal, represented, in reality, the tremendous might of an Empire
that could hold its own, if necessary, against half the civilised world.
I shall be glad of reinforcements.

Somebody (vice Nobody resigned) at last Responsible at Home
to Anybody in Command Abroad.
Crisis fully appreciated by H.M. Government. You will have
15,000 men at your disposal within three weeks, and a further 10,000
(if necessary) whenever you wire for them. This will cost the
country not a penny under Ten Millions. But never mind. We
should'like, though, to know (in confidence) who is to blame for the
miserable dribbling system which has led to all this disaster, and
now colossal outlay.

Anybody in Command Abroad to Somebody (at last) Responsible

at Home.

Thanks for the reinforcements. We can now probably effect with
twenty thousand men what, three months since, we could have
managed with four. In strict confidence (I don't wish this to go
further), Nobody was really responsible for the miserable dribbling
to which you refer.

VOL. LXXX,