Punch (80.1881)

April 30, 1881.] PUNCH, OK, THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 193

IP7

PRESENCE OF MIND.

Tommy. " Oh, kiss me too, Janet ! "

Janet {conscious of Mamma's approaching footsteps). "Don't say ' Kiss me Tiro,'
Tommy. Say, ' Kiss me Twice !' "

TO LYDIA'S GLASS EYE.

" From particulars supplied to the reporter of a Chicago paper
by a dealer in glass eyes in that cit)r, it appears that there are as
many as a thousand wearers of these eyes in Chicago. . . Twenty
years ago there were sold many more dark eyes than light . . .
about twenty light eyes are now sold to one dark."—Times.

"Wink at me only with, glass eye,

And I '11 respond with mine,
And smile not when the harmless fly

Goes crawling over thine.
I care not for the colour there,

Dark brown, or black, or bine,
Or even if you wink, ma chere,

With eyes of different hue.

I sent thee late a new glass eye,

Impervious to the tear,
Tinged with some new aesthetic dye,

And quite " too utter " dear.
You'll wear it, won't you, when you think

How faithful it must be,
For it is warranted to wink

At nobody but me ?

Sisters in Art,

The Princess Louise, Marchioness of Lorne, contri-
buted some admirable sketches to a recent exhibition of
the Society of Painters in Watercolours, and now her
eldest sister, the Crown Princess of Germany, has sent
a very clever drawing to the Institute. It is a study of
a head, and would do credit to a professional artist. By
the way, when are all the watercolour exhibitions going
to amalgamate and let us have a Watercolour Academy,
at which this essentially national English Art would be
worthily represented ? It has been talked about often
enough, when are we to see the " Meeting of the Waters "
realised ?

Great Britain ?

The Government has published a Parliamentary return
in which it is obliged to admit that 101 persons died of
absolute starvation last year in the Metropolitan district.
This disgraceful record might be doubled or trebled if
Coroners had the courage to call deaths by their right
names.

MON A- SYLLABLE S.

Just a few words about Mona.

Is the Licensing Act in the Isle of Man only a local law ? The
other day at Douglas, Mr. James Tayloe, landlord of the 1' Clarendon
Hotel," was charged by the Police with keeping those premises open
during a time when that Act directed them to be closed. Mono's
Herald proclaims that—■

"P. C. William McLaughlin deposed that on Sunday, the 3rd inst., he
wGnt into defendant's house, and saw Mr. Nicholls (of the Imperial Vaults)
and his wife there."

The presence of Mr. and Mrs. Nicholls—the former, besides
being Mr. Taylor's brother in business is own brother to Mr. Tay-
lor's wife—constituted the whole head and front of Mr. Taylor's
offending.

" His Worship then asked Defendant what he had to say to the charge ?

" Defendant said : 'Last Sunday Mr. Nicholls and his wife, and me and
my wife, went out into the country together. When we came back they
called in to my house. They had nothing to drink. They are the only
friends we have in Douglas.'

" In reply to his Worship, Witness said he did not see any drink before
them."

Presently his Worship observed :—

" You will have your own way next Sunday.
" Inspector Boyd. Only for relations.

" Sis Worship. Then everybody will be able to go in next Sunday—they
will all be relations.

" Inspector Boyd. Oh, no. The relations are defined. By the New Act,
Mr. Nicholls can go in, as he is Mrs. Taylor's brother; but'Mrs. Nicholls
cannot. If she does she will be subject to a penalty.

" A fine of os. and costs was imposed.''

Queer Manx Law this. Sure, such a pair was never seen so justly
formed to meet by nature as this Dogberry and Verges of the Isle of
Man.

THE CONFERENCE ON COIN.

The Monetary Conference is sitting, but as far as one can see, it
doesn't seem likely to hatch anything particularly golden in the
shape of a financial panacea. The three or four waggon-loads of
pamphlets on the Currency take a good deal of time to sleep over, and
the specialists with a scheme for extinguishing national debts, have a
trick of extinguishing their audience to begin with. But one or two
decisions have been definitely arrived at; and the Universe can pay
its income-tax in full confidence that it will be muddled away
according to the most ingenious systems.

The objection to bi-metalism evinced by countries which only
possessed bronze and copper was soon overruled ; and the suggestion
of the San Fandango Anarchy that promissory notes would form a
nice handy medium of circulation, met with a somewhat undiplomatic
reception, which led to an interchange of coinage specimens in oroide,
Dutch metal, and zinc, which was not internationally courteous.
Post-obits payable on assassination of South American Presidents are
not to obtain currency on this side of the Atlantic.

The Turkish motion on the subject of compulsory lending is only
expected to be brought forward the next week, and the spirit of the
Conference is so commercially coarse that three nations will meet
it with a direct and even indignant negative.

Francs and sous seem to be first favourites with the great majority
of the Conference ; but we have not noticed as yet any insurmount-
able objection to British sovereigns—even on the part of French
Republicans. _

" Words ! Words ! Words ! "

We welcome the re-appearance of an old friend, Household
TVords, which comes to us wearing a new wrapper, cut somewhat
after the respectable pattern of our beloved Family Herald. Om.t
the "notes" and the fashion-plates and the remainder is excell; .t.
We wish the periodical "Edited by Charles Dickens" every succ jss.

vol. lxxx.

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