Punch (80.1881)

192 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 23, 1881.

THE BULL AND BEAR COMPANY.
(Unlimited.)
Board op Directors.
His Imperial Majesty the Sultan {Chairman).
His Majesty the King of the Hellenes.
His Excellency the President of the French B.epublic.
The Right Hon. the Premier of Italy.

( With power to add to their number.)

Abridged Prospectus.

The object of this valuable combination is to encourage
that healthy spirit of emulation amongst the Members of
the Stock Exchanges of Europe which at all times has
such remarkable results.

Treaties misunderstood at the shortest notice.

Negotiations carefully protracted.

Armies mohilised on the cheapest terms.

Enthusiastic articles in the Press privately arranged for.

Confidential communications exchanged at unstated
intervals.

Ultimata always on hand, ready to he despatched at
the moment they are wanted.

An enormous number of Canards and other reports at
the service of subscribers.

Every kind of Stock-jobbing (in all its branches)
carefully executed.

Agent in London.—Mr. Jeremy Diddler.

YOUNG HOPEFUL.

Mamma. "You'll be sorry when Uncle Dick leaves us to-morrow,
won't you, Tommy?" Tommy. "Oh no, I shan't!"

Mamma. " Why not ? "

Tommy. "'Cos Uncle Dick always gives me a Shilling when he goes
away ! "

A Bird of 111 Omen.

" A Mocking Bird " writes to inform us that there is
an Italian Proverb which says, '' The Cuckoo in March is
the End of the "World." The appearance of The Cuckoo
was a bad omen for Mr. Harris, who sends his World to
the Surrey; while Mr. Edmund Yates, having evi-
dently heard of the proverb, in last week's World
disclaimed all further connection with The Cuckoo : and
not a bit too soon, if there 's any truth in proverbial
philosophy.

'Cause "Why ?

Creat surprise had been recently expressed at the
apparition in the City of London of two rooks building a
nest. People who see the birds and the nest need inquire
no further, as they have before them the effect and the
Caws. At the appearance of rooks in the City no one
was startled, but at their nest therein ; what have Ken-
sington and Tyburnia done that the City rooks should
desert those localities ?

Good Place eor holding ^Esthetic Sports.—Lillie
Bridge.

A COMMON DIALOGUE.

~T Brown. Why, Smith, whatever is the
matter with you ? Your clothes are all torn,
your watch and chain and pin have gone,
your face is covered with blood, both your
eyes are bunged up, 3-011 have lost all your
front teeth, 3-0111* right arm is evidently
broken, and your left ankle is unmistakably
sprained. What hideous accident have you
been in ?

Smith. Oh, nothing— nothing. But, as
you know, I wasn't in much of a hurry,
I thought I would go by the Metropolitan,
and a parcel of roughs got into my carriage—and by the bye, old

boy, if you would like my return ticket-

Brown. Thanks, no—thanks, no ! [Hastily exit.

By a Disgusted M.P.

Easter Recess ? How could Gladstone with gravity
Promise me that, with this Bill on my soul?

Stay—"Recess: corner, hole, alcove, or cavity.'1''
Just so—I'm " cornered" and "left in the hole."

A Conversation Card.—A Judge on the Bench enjoys one very

SCANDALUM MAGNATUM; OR, GOSSIP 2 LA 31UD.

A Cabinet Minister, a couple of Peers, a rural Dean, a Circus-
rider, and a celebrated Yendor of Patent Medicines, were all in the
Duchess's boudoir on that eventful afternoon. But only the butler
knows which three of them were thrown thirty feet through the
back drawing-room window into the next-door conservatory.

So the Colonel is caught this time ! If you play with the Club
porter, you should do so without a couple of packs up each sleeve,
trick cuffs, and an " advantage " coat-tail. This, I am told, is not
the opinion of the Committee ; but I shall be interested to know what
Sir James Ingham will have to say on the subject. By the way, Sir
James Ingham is one of our cleverest Magistrates, but he doesn't
like his wise decisions described as Sage and Ingham.

Noblesse oblige, but what is this I hear about a fifth soup-ladle
finding its way into the pocket of a very exalted personage ?

Hale-and-Halp.—The Chancellor of the Exchequer acknow-
ledges the receipt of £5 unpaid Income-tax from " S. T. U." Did
the compounder with conscience shrink from telling more than half
the truth, or was it the Chancellor who considerately omitted the
P. I. D." ?____

Who shall Decide when Doctors," etc.—The Medical Pro-

great advantage over a gentleman engaged in argument. He is j fession is jENNERally represented as disinclined to be hand and glove
generally allowed to finish his sentence. j with Dr. Kidd. This is a QuainT way of putting it.

tST To CoBBBSPomvgim.—2ft« Sailor dots not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or -panfor Contributions, In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by *

stomped and directed envelope Copies should, be kept.