DOI Heft:
April 16, 1881
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17750#0176
April 16, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 169
EASTER, 1881.—BATTLE OF BRIGHTON.
Charge of ye Landladies. Heroic Defence of y> Volunteers. [Section of New Grand Panorama.]
DOMESTIC REGULATIONS FOE THE EASTER
VOLUNTEER REVIEW.
1. Landladies will prepare to receive Cavalry, Infantry, and
Artillery in. Squares, Terraces, and Places.
2. After a heavy charge the Volunteers shall have a right to make
a demonstration. They may rely upon one another for support, but
a threatened appeal to the Press shall be kept in reserve.
3. Volunteers deploying up-stairs in the early morning after a
late mess, will advance in echelon, in light skirmishing order. On
reaching the candle and lucifers, they will make a rally.
4. Should there be a decided change in the weather, the Volunteers
will order the Landladies to " cease firing."
5. Volunteers will be expected to keep provision-cupboards, tea-
caddies, &c, &c, in " open order."
6. Several additional charges will occasionally be made by the
Landladies under the cover of " kitchen fire."
7. Should a Volunteer retire himself and his portmanteau in close
order without paying his rent, he will be tried by County Court
Martial. An order will follow, on his guilt being established, to
(in
recover."
8. Should a Landlady have a needy relative, the Volunteer
quartered in her house will be expected to comply with his request
to " present alms."
9. Should a Volunteer's shirt be damaged during the process of
washing, the Landlady will immediately obey the command—
"Buttons to the front!'"
10. Should a Landlady have urgent need of some shop commodity
and be unable to send her servant to fetch it, the Volunteer will be
expected to execute a counter march."
11. Should any of the Infantry of the Landlady salute a Volunteer
by bringing the fingers of the right hand smartly to the nose and
prolonging the line (thus formed) by fours, the Volunteer shall be
entitled to break into smacks "to the right of sections."
12. And lastly, before the parade is dismissed, Volunteers and
Landladies shall mutually forgive past offences, and agree to pay
one another for the future " the proper compliments."
f On behalf of the Volunteers by
Brighton, 1 Private Box.
Easter, 1881. *ignea ] On behalf of the Landladies bij
{ Sergeant Bouncer.
an unselfish policy.
In answer to Mr. Macfarlane the other evening, the Marquis of
Hartington said, " It was not proposed to abandon the line of rail-
way lately constructed from our Indian frontier to Sibi." As to
feibi, of course, the intentions of a Liberal Government are exactly
expressed by the line in Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph :—" Non
oibt sed bono publico:''
Tunisian Telephone.—Colonel D acini to the fooumirs, '' Obey!"
ine Kroumirs (back again), " No Bey ! "
DIARY OF AN ILL WIND.
Five-thirty : Whip sharp round a corner and freeze
a poor porter,
And drive him to much '' early purl'' and the loss
of " a quarter."
Six: Send sudden shiver through postman depleting
a pillar ;
Six-thirty: Sweep down on a pallid-faced work-
girl—and kill her.
'fV Seven: Pinch blue a step-cleaning slavey's poor
nubbly damp knuckles;
Seven-thirty : Nip newspaper-boy till his skin crisps and buckles.
Eight: Palsy poor clerk till he can't feel his twopenny bus-fare ;
Eight-thirty: Make school urchin worse than a steppe-roving Russ
fare.
Nine : Cause portly Cit to indulge in short-breath'd commination ;
Nine-thirty: Make Alderman's nose like a small conflagration.
Ten : Stop a big boat-race by making the Thames an Atlantic ;
Ten-thirty : With bloom-slaying blasts drive a florist half frantic.
Eleven : Tip Lady Di's nose with incongruous rosiness ;
Eleven-thirty: Whisk through Club window and spoil cynic's
cosiness.
Twelve: Catch a State-Pillar out walking and tumble him over ;
Twelve-thirty: Quite spoil the snatched stroll of a girl and her
lover.
One: Fill Flo's blue eyes with sharp grit till they look red and
owlish ;
Tivo : Stir genial editor's bile up, and make him turn ghoulish.
Three : Scour coast and river, and lead frozen seamen rare dances ;
Four: Dash into Kent and demolish a fruit-grower's chances.
Five : Pot poet penning an Ode to the Spring—set him sneezing ;
Six: —and thence round to six again revel in blinding and
freezing.
Skin-parching, grit-choking, chillblaining, and plaguing Society
With colds, coughs, and bronchial bothers in endless variety.
Ila ! ha ! " 'Tis an ill wind blows nobody good." Yes, precisely.
IIo! ho ! Don't / answer the sawmonger's character nicely ?
Truly Interesting.
" Food for the Million.—A vessel has arrived in the port of London
from the River Plate with 19,000 carcases of sheep oil board, which have been
brought over in a frozen state."—City Press.
What a quantity of cold mutton, all supplied from one Plate !
election intelligence.
In the No-tory-ous case of Sunderland it will be' the old Storey-
Mr. Bradlaugh is in again for Northampton. Will he take Juliet's
advice, and "swear by his gracious self"? His constituents eyL-
dently won't have any oather man.
vol. lxxx.
0
EASTER, 1881.—BATTLE OF BRIGHTON.
Charge of ye Landladies. Heroic Defence of y> Volunteers. [Section of New Grand Panorama.]
DOMESTIC REGULATIONS FOE THE EASTER
VOLUNTEER REVIEW.
1. Landladies will prepare to receive Cavalry, Infantry, and
Artillery in. Squares, Terraces, and Places.
2. After a heavy charge the Volunteers shall have a right to make
a demonstration. They may rely upon one another for support, but
a threatened appeal to the Press shall be kept in reserve.
3. Volunteers deploying up-stairs in the early morning after a
late mess, will advance in echelon, in light skirmishing order. On
reaching the candle and lucifers, they will make a rally.
4. Should there be a decided change in the weather, the Volunteers
will order the Landladies to " cease firing."
5. Volunteers will be expected to keep provision-cupboards, tea-
caddies, &c, &c, in " open order."
6. Several additional charges will occasionally be made by the
Landladies under the cover of " kitchen fire."
7. Should a Volunteer retire himself and his portmanteau in close
order without paying his rent, he will be tried by County Court
Martial. An order will follow, on his guilt being established, to
(in
recover."
8. Should a Landlady have a needy relative, the Volunteer
quartered in her house will be expected to comply with his request
to " present alms."
9. Should a Volunteer's shirt be damaged during the process of
washing, the Landlady will immediately obey the command—
"Buttons to the front!'"
10. Should a Landlady have urgent need of some shop commodity
and be unable to send her servant to fetch it, the Volunteer will be
expected to execute a counter march."
11. Should any of the Infantry of the Landlady salute a Volunteer
by bringing the fingers of the right hand smartly to the nose and
prolonging the line (thus formed) by fours, the Volunteer shall be
entitled to break into smacks "to the right of sections."
12. And lastly, before the parade is dismissed, Volunteers and
Landladies shall mutually forgive past offences, and agree to pay
one another for the future " the proper compliments."
f On behalf of the Volunteers by
Brighton, 1 Private Box.
Easter, 1881. *ignea ] On behalf of the Landladies bij
{ Sergeant Bouncer.
an unselfish policy.
In answer to Mr. Macfarlane the other evening, the Marquis of
Hartington said, " It was not proposed to abandon the line of rail-
way lately constructed from our Indian frontier to Sibi." As to
feibi, of course, the intentions of a Liberal Government are exactly
expressed by the line in Sir Christopher Wren's epitaph :—" Non
oibt sed bono publico:''
Tunisian Telephone.—Colonel D acini to the fooumirs, '' Obey!"
ine Kroumirs (back again), " No Bey ! "
DIARY OF AN ILL WIND.
Five-thirty : Whip sharp round a corner and freeze
a poor porter,
And drive him to much '' early purl'' and the loss
of " a quarter."
Six: Send sudden shiver through postman depleting
a pillar ;
Six-thirty: Sweep down on a pallid-faced work-
girl—and kill her.
'fV Seven: Pinch blue a step-cleaning slavey's poor
nubbly damp knuckles;
Seven-thirty : Nip newspaper-boy till his skin crisps and buckles.
Eight: Palsy poor clerk till he can't feel his twopenny bus-fare ;
Eight-thirty: Make school urchin worse than a steppe-roving Russ
fare.
Nine : Cause portly Cit to indulge in short-breath'd commination ;
Nine-thirty: Make Alderman's nose like a small conflagration.
Ten : Stop a big boat-race by making the Thames an Atlantic ;
Ten-thirty : With bloom-slaying blasts drive a florist half frantic.
Eleven : Tip Lady Di's nose with incongruous rosiness ;
Eleven-thirty: Whisk through Club window and spoil cynic's
cosiness.
Twelve: Catch a State-Pillar out walking and tumble him over ;
Twelve-thirty: Quite spoil the snatched stroll of a girl and her
lover.
One: Fill Flo's blue eyes with sharp grit till they look red and
owlish ;
Tivo : Stir genial editor's bile up, and make him turn ghoulish.
Three : Scour coast and river, and lead frozen seamen rare dances ;
Four: Dash into Kent and demolish a fruit-grower's chances.
Five : Pot poet penning an Ode to the Spring—set him sneezing ;
Six: —and thence round to six again revel in blinding and
freezing.
Skin-parching, grit-choking, chillblaining, and plaguing Society
With colds, coughs, and bronchial bothers in endless variety.
Ila ! ha ! " 'Tis an ill wind blows nobody good." Yes, precisely.
IIo! ho ! Don't / answer the sawmonger's character nicely ?
Truly Interesting.
" Food for the Million.—A vessel has arrived in the port of London
from the River Plate with 19,000 carcases of sheep oil board, which have been
brought over in a frozen state."—City Press.
What a quantity of cold mutton, all supplied from one Plate !
election intelligence.
In the No-tory-ous case of Sunderland it will be' the old Storey-
Mr. Bradlaugh is in again for Northampton. Will he take Juliet's
advice, and "swear by his gracious self"? His constituents eyL-
dently won't have any oather man.
vol. lxxx.
0