Punch (80.1881)

A CRY FROM THE HEART.

Little Dunce (looking up suddenly from her History hook). " On, Mummy darling, I do so wish I'd lived under James the Second ! "
Mamma. " AVhy?" Little Dunce. "Because I see here that Education was very much neglected in his reign !"

MOEE PEOM MADEIEA.

Slr.—I am making' a tour of the world, which I dare say you
mayn t know is round, and have only just got the papers of a year
and. a half ago. In one of them I find that you have informed a
Correspondent, by means of a post-card, that in your opinion " the
office of Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod might conceivablv he
dispensed with without entailing the destruction of the Empire."

Now, Sir, as I am not in my place in the House of Lords to im-

Eeach you for this atrocious language, and as I don't think that
Drd Salisbury would undertake the job if I were to write and ask
him, I am forced to tell you that a Minister of your high gifts of
eloquence cannot be supposed to be indulging m idle platitudes.
You were not on your first hustings, nor indeed on any hustings at
all, when you made this ominous remark. You were then, little
though you might think it, inaugurating a levelling and destructive
policy, incompatible alike with your duty to the Crown and your
fame as a politician.

I will not go into history, as doubtless you would be unable to
follow me there, and as I only happen to have with me a sixpenny
abridgment of Mrs. MarJcham; but T could show you that the
office of Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod is indissolubly bound up
with all that is high, and holy in our Constitution.

I will only add that I conceive in all humility—a quality which is,
I hope, conspicuous throughout this letter—that a Minister of the
Crown is bound to show respect to any and every office and institu-
tion in the land,—the bad as much as the good, if not more. You
may perhaps urge that this would render all reform impossible, and
all proposals of reform treasonable, and so it would, why should
you reform anything ? I've written to J. B. of Rochdale. Haven't
seen the papers, so don't know if he has replied. I am quite happy
here, ana will only indignantly subscribe myself

Your obedient Servant,

C-rn-ryon.

The Right lion. W. B. Gl-dst-ne.

RESOLUTIONS FOR 1881.
(Proposed and Carried Unanimously.)

1. To pay cash.

2. Not to stay so long at the Club.

8. To give up everything that disagrees with me. (Mem. First
find out exactly what does disagree with me.)

4. To cut down my consumption of cigars.

5. To take the girls and mamma abroad, instead of sending them
to Ramsgate, and going to Homburg by myself.

6. To have no opinions as to the favourite for any race.

7. To wear out my old clothes.

8. To cultivate a modest opinion of my ability as a whist-player.

9. To eschew suppers.

10. To ignore hansoms, and patronise the Underground Railway.

11. To hear old stories with a smile.

12. To know the aristocracy without mentioning the fact.

13. To let the girls stay for the last dance at a ball.

14. To believe that I am sometimes wrong.

15. To improve what mind I have left.

16. To agree with my wife on all subjects.

Impossible Inconsistency,

Sir Wilfrid Lawson has, of course, not thought it necessary for
him to repudiate the declaration ascribed to him in divers reports of
a recent speech of his :—

"Rather than see my fellow-subjects in Ireland drenched in blood and
crushed down by the military, I, for one, -will heartily go in for a separation
from England."

It must appear to anybody far too absurd to be credible, that the
idea of a possible Repeal of the Union could ever have been contem-
plated in any circumstances by the President of the United Kingdom
Alliance.