Punch (80.1881)

54 punch, on The london charivari. [February 0, mi.

"DON'T ALL SPEAK AT ONCE!"

Mature Siren (archly putting up her " ickle tootsicum"). "Ah ! now which of you is going to put on my Skates for me?"

[Momentary hesitation amongst the Gentlemen—due, no doubt, to bashfulness.

STRANGLING THE MONSTER.

Extract from a FortJwoming New Edition of Lemprierc. (Irish Version.)

The O'Cacus was a famous depredator, son of O'Tellus and Eris
(or Discordia) by some erroneously confounded with, the nymph
Erin, and bearing a marked family resemblance to his grandparent
Chaos. Like Polyphemus as described by Virgil, he was—

"Monstrum horrendum, informe, ingens, qui lumen ademptum."

He was a three-headed monster, and from his several and un-
shut-up-able mouths vomited forth fire and fury on all such as
opposed or angered him. Eor twenty-four hours at a stretch had the
Ogre been known to spout out unintermittent lava floods from his
inexhaustible vocal volcanoes. He resided for the most part in
Hibernia, and ever plotted to plunder the surrounding country. He
dwelt in the gloomy recesses of the Hills (Ills he called them) of
Erin, was vengeful as the Erinyes themselves, and the Avenues of
his Avernus were strewn with the remains of slaughtered cattle, and
with dead men's bones.

When Hercules returned from the conquest of Ben D'Ymion, the
O'Cacus "conveyed" some of his Bulls (for the most part of the
breed known as John Bulls, though some were Hibernian ones) and
dragged them into his cave, terrifying them into submission by the
most dreadful and mysterious menaces. Hercules, after partaking
of Makarthus's hospitality, was on the point of proceeding quietly
on his way without discovering the extent of the difficulty into which
the O'Cacus had drawn him; but his John Bulls' loud bellowings
were answered feebly from the Cave of the O'Cacus, and the hero
thus realised his loss and the new labour before him. He therefore
attacked the O'Cacus, and, after a desperate conflict, during which
the Monster vomited forth even more fire and fury than was his
pleasant wont, strangled him in his arms, and erected the Ara
Maxima to J upiter Liberator, in commemoration of his victory.

It is thus the poet describes the encounter between Alcides and
the O'Cacus :—■

The cave of the O'Cacus, bared to sight,
Glared with the force of late-admitted light:

The long-pent vapours with a thunderous sound

Heaved from beneath and shook the rocks around.

The Commons, breathless, as the fight they view,

Bend from their seats and watch the desperate two.
* * * * *

Graceless O'Cacus's three mouths expire

Mixture of lurid smoke and lambent fire ;

In hope the hero to obfuscate quite,

And so prevent his taking aim aright.

But great Alcides through them fought his way,

Nor turned nor paused until he grasped his prey.

The monster spouting fruitless flame he found,

Gripped his three throats, and raised him from the ground.

Choked in mid air, his crippled members coiled

In a close knot, the Incubus was foiled.

The Bulls, now freed, breathed open air again,

Safe from the despot warder of the den.

The wondering populace, with glad surprise,

Beheld hi?, triple head, his horrid size,

His mouths that spout no more, and his extinguished eyes.

"CLIPPING !"

A Correspondent sends us the following clipping from The Glas-
goio Herald:—■

WEST-END SCHOOL OF COOKERY, Corporation Buildings,
2, Dalhousie Street. Mrs. Black, will Commence a Course of Demon-
strations in Superior Cookery on Thursday, 27th January, at 11
o'clock. The First Lesson will be Clear Starching and Ironiug. Ticket for
Course, 10s.; Admission, Is. Syllabus of Lessons on application.

Is Mrs. Black introducing a new School of Cookery ? Does this
lady propose to commence a dinner with a basin of " thick" starch,
and one of " clear r"' And then the " Ironing ? '' What has this to
do with a dinner ? In view of a course of clear starch and flat irons,
a weak constitution would require a considerable amount of ironing
to stand it. Precious Black joke this, though.

Grand Idea for Seasonable Benevolence in the City—A
Turtle Soup Kitchen ! !