DOI Heft:
February 5, 1881
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17750#0068
60
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 5, 1881.
ROUND ABOUT TOWN.
The ToxophUite Grounds, Regent's Park.
Ik the summer time I imagine the Toxophilites are rather a quiet
body. They possess a sort of neglected kitchen-garden in the
Regent's Park. To makeup for their not very pretentious "real
property " (from its position I fancy it must have been a gift from
the Crown) they have erected a kind of pocket edition of a baronial hall
in a secluded portion of the grounds. This pocket edition of a baronial
hall is chiefly remarkable for stained-glass windows, _ antlers, queer
inscriptions, and an enormous fire-place. The architect no doubt
was told that he might " revel" in the hearth, and he seems to have
strictly obeyed his instructions. The fire-place was evidently in-
tended to silence the impertinent suggestion "that, after all, the
baronial affair was only a summer-house." When I saw it, it was
closed, its 1 place being
taken by a German stove,
connected with the original
structure by a yard or two
of neat iron piping. Yery
likely this departure from
the first idea had been
necessitated by the chim-
ney smoking, or some other
domestic calamity of a
kindred character. For
the rest the stained-glass
windows informed me
that King William the
Fourth had been an
Poon Mamma! archer, a fact that made
it a subject of sincere
regret that a portrait of His Majesty had not been taken for the
Club in full Robin Hood costume. So much for the Toxophilites,
who have given up their ground to the Skating Club.
In spite of the snow it was not difficult to find my _ way to the
rink. Numbers of nice young Ladies and determined-looking
middle-aged Gentlemen were going in the same direction. I fol-
lowed them. A wooden gate was opened by a brisk Commis-
sionaire, who welcomed me with a military salute full of encourage-
ment. His eagle glance divined in a moment that I (like Mr.
Winkle) lyas a "little awkward" on a pair of skates. I passed
him ■with an assumption of dignity, and came to the rink. It seemed
to be a flooded lawn. It was surrounded by snow, out of which
peeped here and there an aged target, which apparently had been
left there in the summer by some toxophilite, too languid to carry
it back proudly to the Archer's Hall with him, as a trophy of the
chace. But these targets had their value. Round the frozen water
were one or two aged ladies, who shivered, and cast glances at rosy-
cheeked damsels who were seen disporting themselves gaily on the
ice in the distance. Now and then these damsels gleefully approached
the veteran dowagers, and cheerily asked them "how they were
getting on ?" The aged dowagers then attempted to hide their
shiverings, and nodded more or less merrily. In a moment, the rosv-
cheeked damsels were off to another part of the rink, and the
dowagers were once more alone. Then the targets came into
requisition. The dowagers employed their ample leisure in prodding
them thoughtfully with an umbrella !
Leaving these sad ones," (as they would have been called in the
English libretto to an Italian Opera)
to their own mournful reflections, I
came to a much more cheerful sight.
A young lady of ^singularly prepos-
sessing appearance was performing
some extremely intricate evolutions
round what should have been—and
no doubt was —a very happy orange.
The young lady now advanced coquet-
tishly, then retired with a graceful
curve. I thought she was gone for 'Mi
ever, when, in a moment, with a
gentle glide, she was once more close
to me. She hovered about that orange
like a bee upon a flower. As I noted
her charming^ performances, I came
to the conclusion that I was watching
a very pretty figure. I felt almost ~%
annoyed when she was called away /,
by a short stout gentleman, to form
a party of four with two other ex- A Pretty Figure.
tremely disagreeable-looking persons
to take her place, in what seemed to me to be a sort of mad quadrille.
Having now nothing better to do, I turned my attention to the antics
of two Clubbists of the male sex. All on the rink were adorned with
tmy silver skates, showing that they had passed the qualifying
examination for Membership. The two gentlemen I was now
watching, did not lack the decoration, or I should have imagined
that one of them at least was in statu pupillari.
" Can you do this ? " asked the first of the other, and he started
off as if he had been subjected to an electric shock, which had
deprived him temporarily of all control over his legs. Fortunately his
lower members seemed to be on kindly terms with the remainder of
his body, and, after two or three wavering moves, brought him round
in a circle, without causing him any serious injury. His friend shook
his head, and adopted a feeble smile, apparently assumed with the
intention of disarming criticism.
" I don't know, but I will try," he murmured, as he attempted to
imitate the movement. The effort entailed great labour, but was
perfectly successful. He struck off with an energy born of resigna-
tion, and his legs, too, carried him round in a circle out of danger.
Then he absolutely beamed with satisfaction, and boldly stooped
down to place the inevitable orange in another position.
" Very good!" said his instructor, with an air of intense patronage.
"Now we will try something else! " I heard at my elbow, and
noticed that the Champion Skater was on the eve of re-commencing
his instruction. He appeared to be watching me through the corners
of his eyes.
" I am not quite sure you will be able to manage this just yet,"
said he to his companion. "It is very effective, but requires prac-
tice. But you can look at me while I do it."
He glanced at those near him as if inviting their serious attention,
and observing cheerily, "I shall cut a pretty figure," was taken by
his legs into the air, and — sat down ! He did not lose his compo-
sure. He was up in a moment, with an agility arguing much
familiarity with the manoeuvre, and added, "I told you it was
rather difficult, but take my word for it, with a little practice, you
will do it as well as I do ! " And at this point of his lecture I
thought it time to leave, and return to a comfortable fire-side at
home.
A GROWL.
{From a Frozen-out Traveller.)
Slr,—We all have been more or less affected by the inclemency
of the weather, empty cisterns, frozen meters, and pitfalls in the
shape of slides artfully manufactured by malicious urchins. I do
not resist exorbitant cab-fares as I invariably walk. But what have
I done that I am compelled to trust myself once a week to the tender
mercies of the South-Western Railway Company ? Are my social
offences so grave that I should expiate them by having to travel, for
an hour and a half, a distance that on most other lines would be done
in half that time, in a first class carriage that must have been pur-
chased second-hand from the Midland Railway Company at the time
they discarded their second class compartments. Granting the
South-Western Railway Company a monopoly of dirty and uncom-
fortable carriages, why should not the luckless travellers on this
line have at least the consolation of knowing that they will arrive
at their destination within half-an-hour of the time specified in
the Company's Time-tables? Or, allowing even the privilege of
arbitrary delays to the Company, might we not expect, in this
somewhat trying weather, our poor feet to be comforted by the grate-
ful foot-warmer during the occasional twenty minutes wait between
stations ? I admit that I have seen a foot-warmer on this line. It
was provided for a young lady. She was young and lovely. I
am neither,—but that 's all the more reason I should have had the
foot-warmer.
As the authorities of the London and South-Western Line seem to
have a natural propensity for getting themselves into hot water, why
don't they put a lot of it into hot bottles for the long-suffering public,
before the latter cries out threateningly, "We '11 warm you ! "
Tours, Unseasonable Ticket-holder.
Forms and Seats.
Home-Rulers are apter at noise than at nous,
But at least they've accomplished the strangest of feats ;
They have managed, by straining- the forms of the House,
To fix it for twenty-two hours to its seats !
Result oe the Irish State Prosecutions.—All engaged in them
acquitted themselves—entirely to their own satisfaction.
New Procedure (anti-Semitic) eor the German Parliament.
—The Old C16-ture. ,
A Potboy who had been reading Gulliver's Travels, was asked
which place in the book he preferred ? His reply was La pewter.
To CosBSSTOJfDEjrrs.—The Editor dots not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned wtea accompanied 6f ©
ttamped and directed envelope. Copies sk-ovld be kept.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 5, 1881.
ROUND ABOUT TOWN.
The ToxophUite Grounds, Regent's Park.
Ik the summer time I imagine the Toxophilites are rather a quiet
body. They possess a sort of neglected kitchen-garden in the
Regent's Park. To makeup for their not very pretentious "real
property " (from its position I fancy it must have been a gift from
the Crown) they have erected a kind of pocket edition of a baronial hall
in a secluded portion of the grounds. This pocket edition of a baronial
hall is chiefly remarkable for stained-glass windows, _ antlers, queer
inscriptions, and an enormous fire-place. The architect no doubt
was told that he might " revel" in the hearth, and he seems to have
strictly obeyed his instructions. The fire-place was evidently in-
tended to silence the impertinent suggestion "that, after all, the
baronial affair was only a summer-house." When I saw it, it was
closed, its 1 place being
taken by a German stove,
connected with the original
structure by a yard or two
of neat iron piping. Yery
likely this departure from
the first idea had been
necessitated by the chim-
ney smoking, or some other
domestic calamity of a
kindred character. For
the rest the stained-glass
windows informed me
that King William the
Fourth had been an
Poon Mamma! archer, a fact that made
it a subject of sincere
regret that a portrait of His Majesty had not been taken for the
Club in full Robin Hood costume. So much for the Toxophilites,
who have given up their ground to the Skating Club.
In spite of the snow it was not difficult to find my _ way to the
rink. Numbers of nice young Ladies and determined-looking
middle-aged Gentlemen were going in the same direction. I fol-
lowed them. A wooden gate was opened by a brisk Commis-
sionaire, who welcomed me with a military salute full of encourage-
ment. His eagle glance divined in a moment that I (like Mr.
Winkle) lyas a "little awkward" on a pair of skates. I passed
him ■with an assumption of dignity, and came to the rink. It seemed
to be a flooded lawn. It was surrounded by snow, out of which
peeped here and there an aged target, which apparently had been
left there in the summer by some toxophilite, too languid to carry
it back proudly to the Archer's Hall with him, as a trophy of the
chace. But these targets had their value. Round the frozen water
were one or two aged ladies, who shivered, and cast glances at rosy-
cheeked damsels who were seen disporting themselves gaily on the
ice in the distance. Now and then these damsels gleefully approached
the veteran dowagers, and cheerily asked them "how they were
getting on ?" The aged dowagers then attempted to hide their
shiverings, and nodded more or less merrily. In a moment, the rosv-
cheeked damsels were off to another part of the rink, and the
dowagers were once more alone. Then the targets came into
requisition. The dowagers employed their ample leisure in prodding
them thoughtfully with an umbrella !
Leaving these sad ones," (as they would have been called in the
English libretto to an Italian Opera)
to their own mournful reflections, I
came to a much more cheerful sight.
A young lady of ^singularly prepos-
sessing appearance was performing
some extremely intricate evolutions
round what should have been—and
no doubt was —a very happy orange.
The young lady now advanced coquet-
tishly, then retired with a graceful
curve. I thought she was gone for 'Mi
ever, when, in a moment, with a
gentle glide, she was once more close
to me. She hovered about that orange
like a bee upon a flower. As I noted
her charming^ performances, I came
to the conclusion that I was watching
a very pretty figure. I felt almost ~%
annoyed when she was called away /,
by a short stout gentleman, to form
a party of four with two other ex- A Pretty Figure.
tremely disagreeable-looking persons
to take her place, in what seemed to me to be a sort of mad quadrille.
Having now nothing better to do, I turned my attention to the antics
of two Clubbists of the male sex. All on the rink were adorned with
tmy silver skates, showing that they had passed the qualifying
examination for Membership. The two gentlemen I was now
watching, did not lack the decoration, or I should have imagined
that one of them at least was in statu pupillari.
" Can you do this ? " asked the first of the other, and he started
off as if he had been subjected to an electric shock, which had
deprived him temporarily of all control over his legs. Fortunately his
lower members seemed to be on kindly terms with the remainder of
his body, and, after two or three wavering moves, brought him round
in a circle, without causing him any serious injury. His friend shook
his head, and adopted a feeble smile, apparently assumed with the
intention of disarming criticism.
" I don't know, but I will try," he murmured, as he attempted to
imitate the movement. The effort entailed great labour, but was
perfectly successful. He struck off with an energy born of resigna-
tion, and his legs, too, carried him round in a circle out of danger.
Then he absolutely beamed with satisfaction, and boldly stooped
down to place the inevitable orange in another position.
" Very good!" said his instructor, with an air of intense patronage.
"Now we will try something else! " I heard at my elbow, and
noticed that the Champion Skater was on the eve of re-commencing
his instruction. He appeared to be watching me through the corners
of his eyes.
" I am not quite sure you will be able to manage this just yet,"
said he to his companion. "It is very effective, but requires prac-
tice. But you can look at me while I do it."
He glanced at those near him as if inviting their serious attention,
and observing cheerily, "I shall cut a pretty figure," was taken by
his legs into the air, and — sat down ! He did not lose his compo-
sure. He was up in a moment, with an agility arguing much
familiarity with the manoeuvre, and added, "I told you it was
rather difficult, but take my word for it, with a little practice, you
will do it as well as I do ! " And at this point of his lecture I
thought it time to leave, and return to a comfortable fire-side at
home.
A GROWL.
{From a Frozen-out Traveller.)
Slr,—We all have been more or less affected by the inclemency
of the weather, empty cisterns, frozen meters, and pitfalls in the
shape of slides artfully manufactured by malicious urchins. I do
not resist exorbitant cab-fares as I invariably walk. But what have
I done that I am compelled to trust myself once a week to the tender
mercies of the South-Western Railway Company ? Are my social
offences so grave that I should expiate them by having to travel, for
an hour and a half, a distance that on most other lines would be done
in half that time, in a first class carriage that must have been pur-
chased second-hand from the Midland Railway Company at the time
they discarded their second class compartments. Granting the
South-Western Railway Company a monopoly of dirty and uncom-
fortable carriages, why should not the luckless travellers on this
line have at least the consolation of knowing that they will arrive
at their destination within half-an-hour of the time specified in
the Company's Time-tables? Or, allowing even the privilege of
arbitrary delays to the Company, might we not expect, in this
somewhat trying weather, our poor feet to be comforted by the grate-
ful foot-warmer during the occasional twenty minutes wait between
stations ? I admit that I have seen a foot-warmer on this line. It
was provided for a young lady. She was young and lovely. I
am neither,—but that 's all the more reason I should have had the
foot-warmer.
As the authorities of the London and South-Western Line seem to
have a natural propensity for getting themselves into hot water, why
don't they put a lot of it into hot bottles for the long-suffering public,
before the latter cries out threateningly, "We '11 warm you ! "
Tours, Unseasonable Ticket-holder.
Forms and Seats.
Home-Rulers are apter at noise than at nous,
But at least they've accomplished the strangest of feats ;
They have managed, by straining- the forms of the House,
To fix it for twenty-two hours to its seats !
Result oe the Irish State Prosecutions.—All engaged in them
acquitted themselves—entirely to their own satisfaction.
New Procedure (anti-Semitic) eor the German Parliament.
—The Old C16-ture. ,
A Potboy who had been reading Gulliver's Travels, was asked
which place in the book he preferred ? His reply was La pewter.
To CosBSSTOJfDEjrrs.—The Editor dots not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned wtea accompanied 6f ©
ttamped and directed envelope. Copies sk-ovld be kept.