Punch (80.1881)

66 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 12, 1881,

MODESTY THE CROWN OF MERIT. (A LECTURE ON DEPORTMENT.)

Professor Dubois {from Paris). "I am late, Sir Bedell! I come from to dine vid ze Duke of Stilton, and he-"

Svr Pompey Bedel {Bedel, Flunke, & Co.). " I congratulate you, my dear Professor ! I am told his Grace's hospitality is

truly splendid. By the bye, though, let me caution you, as a friend. It is not customary, in general english society,

for a Professional Man to mention that he has dined with a Duke."

Professor Dubois. " Diable ! You English are already so Democrats as bat?"

Sir Pompey. "On the contrary, my Friend. AVe may at least flatter ourselves oyer here, thank Heaven! that to
be the Guest of a titled member of our Aristocracy does still confer a somewhat enviable personal distinction—er-"

Qrigsby. "Like Physical Beauty, you know, or Triumph in Love, or Prowess on the Field of Battle-"

Sir Pompey. "Exactly. And, therefore, to escape the reproach of self-laudation, and, moreover, to avoid wounding
the susceptibilities of others as deserving, perhaps, but less fortunate, it is well to draw the Veil of Reticence— er-"

Grigsby. "Oyer the Effulgence of Consummate Achievement !"

Sir Pompey. "Precisely ! " [Thinks well of Grigsby, whom he has not met before.

AT LAST!

After a month of Donnybrook Fair, miscalled an early sitting of
Parliament, the Ministers responsible for the government of England
have cleared the House of the Irish Obstructionists, miscalled
Members of Parliament, and have re-arrested the convict Davitt,
who ought never to have been let loose from prison. The cause of
this sudden outburst of energy is not far to seek. As long as Irish
landlords only were cowardly murdered from behind hedges, and
fandangoes were danced in their blood; as long as Irish ladies only were
assaulted by cowardly ruffians, who fled before a horsewhip ; as long
as Irish households only were threatened with a state of siege, and
only full-blooded, generous, honest Irishmen, pretended they were
not able to pay their just debts, because they were frightened by a
secret band of nameless scoundrels, the English Ministers, comfort-
ably seated at home, or snoring on the well-stuffed benches of the
House of Commons, were content to do nothing but respect the rules
of "Parliamentary practice." The moment the agitation came
nearer home, when English tenants found it was easy to repudiate
the payment of rent, and a few anonymous writers of Fenian
menaces caused the military in and round London to be confined to
barracks, and the fire-brigade to be in a ferment of expectation, the
situation was changed, and the necessity of action was apparent, even
to the meanest Government capacity.

The Cockney mind is still a force in Imperial politics.

MR. SPEAKER'S COMMENTARIES

To himself—during a recent historical crisis.

I wonder whether Playeair really feels as fresh as he looks.
What a fool I was to refuse that fifth cup of green tea !
Why, the weight of this confounded wig is enough to have settled
Argus!

Halloa ! I certainly was off that time. Curious,—but I thought
Biggar's voice was a kettle boiling.

Thank goodness, here 's Gossett coming to ask me another conun-
drum.

I should rather like to see Sexton play Romeo.

If it wasn't for the smelling-salts and Gossett's capital side
splitters, by Jove, this would begin to be serious !

Well, I never ! Relief from W. E. G. in this shape ! Really, but
for the look of the thing, I would get on the top of my chair, dash
my own wig, and wave the Mace.

Now for it:—I fancy this will wake 'em !

Done it! I don't believe there's any precedent. But—I ve done
it. No idea I had so much pluck about me ! Result decisive anyhow.
Hooray! ,

Finished! Now, all I want is a nice little thirteen hours nap, and
I shall be as bright and as breezy as a bird, for my official spread this
evening!