Punch (80.1881)

154 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 2, 1881.

FILL, PHILHARMONIC!

Beavo, Mr. Cusens ! though
yon 're not a German Herr, or
an Italian Signor, but simply
Mr. Cusins of the Philhar-
monic. A good selection last
Thursday, including two songs
by Mr. Sims Peeves, who, it
will scarcelybebelieved, didn't
sing. We sincerely pity our
great English tenor for having
such thoroughly English bron-
chial tubes. The public loses
by his being so unfortunately
delicate; and, be it remem-
bered, so does he. Probably
up to the last moment he is
going to make an effort, but
foresees that if he does the
result may be serious. Is it
absolutely impossible to an-
nounce that Mr. Sims Peeves
will "positively " sing on such
and such a night ? Instead of
a Simmer we got a Boyle, who
was highly satisfactory, though
he didn't sing anything from
his well-known Court Guide.

House crammed. Couldn't
procure anv programmes, Mr.
Cusins. Perhaps you '11 say
you couldn't get one yourself.
If so, you are in the same boat
with a large party of our re-
spectable relatives—" So did
our Uncles, and our Cusins,
and our Aunts."

Listen to this appeal, or
next time while you are har-
monious Cusinsabove, there'll
be unmelodious '' cussins ''
below.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 25.

At "Westminster. — Canon
Faeeae's sermons, are, they
say, " strong meat for men."
They sound more like Farrar-
naceous food.

H. LABOUCHERE, M.P.
; II Cigaretto per esser felice."

MUD-SALAD MARKET
AGAIN.

The paroohial authorities,
who appear to be unable to
remove a notorious nuisance
like Mud-Salad Market, have
at last succeeded in making it
a little more profitable to the
parish. The disgrace of light
and unfair assessments on
Drury Lane Theatre, Covent
Garden Theatre, and other
properties of the Duke of
Mudfobd, still exists, but the
head-quarters of London
muck—the Market, or Muckit,
as it is called, is now, after a
long struggle, taxed at some-
thing like a reasonable amount.
For years it was let off too
cheaply at a so-called rateable
value of £4200 a-year, and
now it is assessed at a still too
moderate rateable value of
£10,000 a-year. This is not
much for a central area like
Mud-Salad Market, and no-
thing is charged for the use of
a mile or two of public tho-
roughfares, which for three
days a week, in the best part of
the day, are blocked up with
waggons and vegetable refuse.

Dialogue in the Stalls.

First Theatrical Critic {High
Artful and serious). I admit
I'm a laudator temporis acti.

Second T. C. (slightly frivo-
lous and purely modern). So
am I.

First T. C. (astonished).
You!

Second T. C. Yes. I go in
for being laudator temporis acti
—if the Act isn't more than
forty-five minutes._

ONE-SIDED BULE.

The Meddlevex Magistrates, having strangled
dancing, more or less, within the wretched limits
of their more wretched jurisdiction, are now
turning their attention to more sacred things,
and doing all they can to smother the Messiah.
There are animals that have ears for everything
but music, and the animal with the exceptionally
long ears, whose effigy ought to stand on the top
of the Sessions-House, Clerkenwell, has been
known to bray wildly in the presence of harmony.
Even the decorous dulness which generally dis-
tinguishes oratorios has failed to have a soothing
effect upon the Six Hundred Irresponsibles, who
usually sympathise with dulness, and they have issued an official
warning that if any " sacred _ music " is plaved in any building,
licensed by them, on Good Friday, that building will in future be
deprived of all authority as a concert or music-hall.

Luckily for the cause of sobriety, and decent recreation, the
area misgoverned by the Six Hundred Irresponsibles, is not the
whole of London. While _ more sensible counsels prevail in Surrey
and Kent, there is a building called the Albert Hall, which boasts of
a Royal Charter. Here the Messiah, shut out of Middlesex, will
find resting-places and audiences, and fifty or a hundred thousand
people at the Crystal Palace, will_ show their northern neighbours
that the rule of the Middlevexers is strictly limited to one side—the
Fools' side—of the river.

A New Novel. — "Mamma," said Miss Ramsbotham, while
reading a list of new novels, "have you heard anything about
Queenie's Whim ? " " Well," replied Mrs. Ram, " I know I went
one day with the Tompetnses to see Miss Beckworth swim, but
they didn't call her Queenie."

"MERRY ISLINGTON."

" Scenes" in the House are mild compared with some recent
doings of the Board of Guardians last Thursday, as reported in the
Islington Gazette of March 25. There was a dispute as to whether
a certain pauper woman was or was not a lunatic. Amid consider-
able confusion the following climax it appears was reached:—

" Mr. Brown said the Chairman, after hearing that the woman had been
confined in an asylum, had been running about London with his hat in his
hand.

" The Chairman (excitedly). No, Sir, on my head; and I don't mind what
you say, you little bantam-cock. I know you to be a little venomous wretch.

(Confusion.)"

By way of arriving at some conclusion, the Chairman subsequently
offered to second a vote of censure on himself. After some further
comparatively tame discussion, the Board proceeded to the next
business, which happened to be a question of providing a Hot-water
apparatus. Not much necessity for that, we should say, or Islington
itself will soon be too hot to hold these valiant Vestrymen. What
is wanted in that quarter just now is apparently personal self-
government. We shall look out for another field-day at Merry
Islington.

Oh Ware and Oh. Ware

Oh, and such Ware too ! Nowhere is there < to be seen any ware
more splendidly represented—we announce it warily as you may
be already aware yourself—than in the Book of the Keramic Art of
Japan, recently issued by Messrs. Henky Sotheban & Co. Any
Collector of Plates will find twenty, in the Two-Guinea Edition,
superbly coloured, which, though they may be torn from him by
force, are warranted not to break. The Keramic Art of Japan, as a
beautifully illustrated book of reference, is as useful as it is orna-
mental—and to say this is to speak volumes in its praise.