Punch (80.1881)

302

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIVAPJ.

[July 2, 1881.

CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS.

Master Tommy. "I sat, it'll be jolly, if Cambridge wins ! That is, I
think it 's jolly, of course, because my papa was at cambridge, you
know. Which was your Papa at, Cook—Oxford or Cambridge ? "

A PORTE IN A STORM.

The Sultan [seated with Mr. Punch. Pipes and
coffee for two). Glad to see you, Mr. Punch. You're
an exception; but {-plaintively) why can't they leave
me undisturbed? My territory has become "small by
degrees, and beautifully less."

Mr. Punch. As Cox sweetly sings to Sergeant.
Bouncer ! But what have you to complain of ?

The Sultan. Well—England has occupied Cyprus.

Mr. Punch. And a nice pleasant place it is !

The Sultan. And France has 'pacified Tunis.

Mr. Punch. And consequently delighted the Italians !

The Sultan. And Austria has annexed Bosnia and
Herzegovina.

Mr. Punch. Without, of course, firing a shot or losing
a soldier ! _

The Sultan. And Greece has claimed Epirus and a
large part of Thessaly.

Mr. Punch. And has had her claim readily admitted
and immediately satisfied!

The Sultan. Yes, yes, I know you will have your joke !
But, in plain English, they've taken nearly all the limbs
of my empire; and if you don't get the Anti-Vivisec-
tion Society to interfere, I shan't have a leg left to stand
upon ! And now what have you to say to that ?

Mr. Punch. Well—ahem! You see, as aBondholder-
[suddenly—Happy Thought)—I will leave the matter
in the hands of this gentleman !

[Introduces Lord Dufferln, and exit.

11 Politics and Prog. — The distinguished American
Ambassador and Humorist, the Hon. J. R. Lowell,
told the patrons and promoters of the National Training
School for Cookery, assembled, the other day, at Devon-
shire House, that:—"He had seen many instances in
which a man's views on great political questions had been
decided by the state of his appetite." As, for instance,
when the question is whether or no a nation shall eat
humble pie. But Mr. Lowell has always seen that
question decided in the negative—at home.

GOOD NEWS TOR US ALE !

An old proverb tells us that when a certain class of persons fall
out, another class of persons get their rights. It is therefore very
good news for hungry Londoners to learn, as they do from the
Citizen, that certain Salesmen of the various City Markets are quar-
relling in the most glorious manner.

It appears that the Chairman of the Markets Committee of the
Corporation is a Fruit Salesman, and, for reasons best known to
himself, bitterly opposed the Billingsgate Fish Market inquiry; but
it being resolved upon in spite of him, he, in a fit of anger and
pique, gave notice that the inquiry should be extended to ascertain-
ing the reason of the high price of Meat, whereupon a Meat Salesman
gave notice to include in the inquiry Fruit and Vegetables !

So, thanks to the good feeling that originated the inquiry why
Fish is so scarce and so dear, and the bad feeling that extends the
inquiry to Meat and Fruit and Vegetables, Ave may fairly hope the
whole matter of the Food Supply of the Metropolis will be thoroughly
and heartily inquired into.

When we remember, too, what was stated by one Common Coun-
cilman as a rumour, and confirmed by another Common Councilman
as a fact, that the concentration of the Meat Supply of the Metro-
polis into one market raised the price twopence per pound upon the
220,000 tons that enter that market yearly, which means an increase
of cost to the inhabitants of the Metropolis of more than four mil-
lions sterling per annum, it will be seen what gigantic proportions
the new inquiry is attaining.

Upon this Mr. Punch ventures to remark that whereas on the one
hand it is almost impossible to hold up to sufficient contempt the
man who enters public life solely to serve his own private interests,
so, on the other hand, no one deserves more thoroughly the respect
and support of his fellows than he who devotes very much of his
time and all his intelligence to an endeavour to cheapen the food of
the poor. The new Committee, therefore, must not be daunted by
what may be a subtle attempt to overweight them, but proceed to a
thorough inquiry, feeling assured, as they may fairly do, that their
labours will be watched with sympathy and goodwill by all whose
goodwill is worth obtaining. £ Mr. Punch also hopes the inquiry
will be a public one.

PAROCHIAL PRODIGALS.

By accounts from Oldham it appears that the Poor Law Guardians
there have received what every orthodox believer in Political Economy
must consider a merited snub from the Official Auditor of the Local
Government Board. In auditing their accounts he disallowed a sum
of some £9. This expense had been incurred for flower-vases, which
the Guardians said they had provided because they desired "to
relieve the dingy appearance of the place." Ah ! They did_ not
know their duty, which, of course, was to relieve, not the dingy
appearance of the workhouse, but the pockets of the ratepayers, by
reducing parochial relief to a minimum.

Rebuking their unprincipled, not to say sinful extravagance, the
faithful official of the Local Government informed those unbelieving
spendthrifts that " flowers were not necessary for the relief of the
poor ; and the rates could only be applied in the relief of distress."
He went to the root of the matter. Had he merely demurred to a
payment of £9 for flower-vases, on the ground that flower-pots would
have done as wTell, and that poor's-rates were not meant to be
squandered on blue china, he would have said less than enough.
But he proved equal to the occasion. His point was that flowers are
a superfluity which the inmates of a _ workhouse ought not to be
allowed. Because the only relief of distress proper for paupers is
such as will just suffice to keep body and soul together. _ It is mon-
strous to think of relieving the dingy appearance of their surround-
ings.

Of course ! Bumble for ever!
Away with Heaven's bounties !

"The House " was intended for labourers past work, or unable to
obtain employment. Poor devils like these mustn't reside in a
Garden of Paradise before their time. No, no, says Bumble, no
Paradises for Paupers here below, if you please.

To the Billingsgate Bunglers.

Your waste of fish-food, and its brain-feeding phosphorus,
In stomach and mind is now plainly pure loss to us :

You, food-spoiling pack,

Merit bowstring and sack,
And to stick-in-the-mud—not of Thames, but the Bosphorus.