Punch (80.1881)

310 PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAEIVAE1. [July 2, 1881.

THE LATEST ARRIVAL.

(By Our Own Inter viewist!)

The new Comet arrivedilast
Wednesday evening just in
time for the Night Fete at the
Botanical Gardens. Our As-
tronomer, Mr. Hind, from
head-quarters telegraphed to
a friend this characteristic
remark—"What a long tail
our Comet's got!" Mr.
Henry Irving at once wanted
to engage the brilliant visitor
for a week to succeed Mr.
Booth and share the leading
business, but the Comet po-
litely refused to go in for any-
thing except the very lightest
performances. The Comet
visited the House of Commons,
and expressed himself much
interested in the Brush-light
experiment. His medical at-
tendants fear that, in conse-
quence of excessive travelling
and late hours, he is in a
gradual decline. Our Illus-
trious Guest says there are
plenty more of his sort where
he comes from, but they are
being re-tailed for exporta-
tion. He evidently holds Dar-
winistic opinions, and thinks
it highly probable that Man
was originally an Ape, then
an Actor, then a Star, and will
end by becoming a Comet,
and so completing the last link
in the magnificent tail.

Fashion is changing. The
forehead fringe, which, ar-
ranged in the morning, was
" Fringe before breakfast," is
to disappear in the snip of
Fate's shears. This is, indeed,
taking the present time by the
forelock.

Place of Refreshment
foe. Officials of the Scotch
Kirk visiting- Paris.— The
Hotel du Helder.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 38.

Sill E. W. WATKIN, M.P.

Now, how came Sir Watkin, whose talent wo all know,

As a light on the Railway to shine ?
Why, the way it was done doth this picture clearly show,
He trained himself up in the rail-way he should go

By studying " Line upon Line."

THE .NEW WOKD.

Punch. What do you think
of this glass of Curacoa and
brandy ?

Gilded Youth. It is very
snappy.

Punch. That's a nice-look-
ing girl over the way.

Gilded Youth. She is very
snappy.

Punch. You had a thousand
to twenty about Peter for the
Hunt Cup at Ascot, hadn't
you?

Gilded Youth. I had. It
was a very snappy bet.

Punch. May I ask you what
is the meaning of the word
" snappy " ?

Gilded Youth. It is the
English for cheek.

Punch. Cheek ?

Gilded Youth. Yes, the
French word " cheek."

Punch. Ah., chic! "Snappy"
is an American word, I be-
lieve. You have been in
America ?

Gilded Youth. No ; but the
Editor of the Sporting Times
has, or ought to have been, as
he introduced the word into
England.

Punch. And what's the
etymology ?

Gilded Youth (puzzled). Eh ?
Ettie, Molly —who? Don't
know her. Is she snappy ?
Have a drink, old chappie,
and— {sings) — " Let us be
Snappy together ! "

Parliamentary Notice.—
Mr. Caine to ask questions
about Aracant Seats and Magis-
trate's Corrupt Practices—
when ? Evidently when Caine
is able._

Economic Dress Question
by a fair anglo-parisienne.
—Is knowing Worth worth
knowing ?

A " RABA AVIS."

Theee are some advertisements which speak for themselves, and
the following from the Spectator of June 18, appears to us to be one
of these :—

A GENTLEMAN desires OCpIIPATION, anywhere, with modern and
noble-thinking men, who aim at promotion of human progress, as much
as at money. Aged 40, slightly nervous (hyperesthesia vasomotorii). Has
been physician; has given up ; cannot work hard; cannot bear heavy sky.
Understands languages, but not music ; no calligraphy, no drawing,—
Address, &c.

Perhaps he may have been snapped up—such a " snappy " gentle-
man!—before our readers see this announcement in our pages, and
the chance will have gone—for ever !

American Products.

The Americans have reared the Skunk, the Colorado Beetle, and
the Fenian, and they are now trying their hands at a crop of Tich-
borne Claimants. One of these gigantic bores and impostors at a
time is not enough for our young and vigorous cousins. The last
one cost the country and the Tichborne family about One Hundred
Thousand pounds, and the Americans will probably undersell us, as
usual, by supplying two at the same figure. A small Company will
no doubt be formed to "run" these inflictions, who will take the
place in our newspapers of the Irish Land Bill.

Legal Sceetin de Liste.—Taxation of a Lawyer's Bill.

ANOTHER MONSTER.

Another Dockyard Monstrosity has been launched, the cost of
which to the British taxpayer will never probably be thoroughly
arrived at. This thing is called the Polyphemus, and, like its pre-
decessors, is warranted to "whop all Creation." Its predecessors,
unfortunately, have generally whopped no one but their inventors
and directors, and some have gone to the bottom in a perfect whirl-
pool of self-destruction. The people appointed to manage these
Infernal Machines may have the courage, but do they possess the
scientific knowledge for such exceptional duty ?

The Worms Triumphant.

The Telegraphists, after several years' agitation and discontent,
have partly carried their point, but not before they imitated their
Manchester fellows, and threatened to strike. The Government, of
course, gave in like a body of whipped schoolmasters, and lectured
the Telegraphists upon the sins of disobedience. It said something
about the duty of economy, and watching over the public purse, for-
getting that it often wastes as much money in an English Dockyard
in a single day, as will give these ten thousand underpaid public
servants their increase of salary for a whole year.

" Storage op Force." — The Home Secretary tells Colonel
Henderson that this must mean " concealing a Policeman under the
kitchen-table."

/W To CoBBBSPOirMifTS.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no east can thest bt returned unless accompanied bp m

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.