Punch (81.1881)

July 23, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

25

ROUND ABOUT TOWN.

The Theatre Royal, Back Drawtng-Room.

! If . 7 J>H&S\\ \ a

No matter where and when. It is enough that I found it. I had been
invited with hundreds of other sufferers to assist at some amateur theatricals.
The usual fare on such occasions was set before us. Many of the stars of tbe
unprofessional world were to give their valuable services. AVe were to have
the More-than-Middle-Aged Representative of the young maidenhood of do-
mestic drama, whose performances are so admirable that she has travelled all
over England to exhibit them before our country cousins. The Low Comedian,
whose forte lies in imitating the late Mr. Blckstone and the present Mr. Toole
so nearly that, if you close your ears and eyes, you can scarcely tell one from
the other, was also to appear. The name of the Original of the late Mr. Charles
Matthews and Mr. Phelps was included in the cast. This did not prevent
(strange to say) his great rival, the Gentleman who has played lovers' parts for
nearly half a century, from lending a helping hand. And to show how kind
everyone was inclined to be to everyone else, the well-known veteran militaire,
who is so extremely mirth-provoking when he attempts to represent the '' busi-
ness" of Mr. Terry, had promised to appear in a burlesque.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the entertainment was the audience.
The Lady who had not been able to play (because a dear friend of hers had been
invited to take the part which she has so completely made her own that she can
play no other), was well to the fore. She had a great deal to say about her dear
friend. She was never tired of praising her amiability and excellent heart.
She was even tolerant of her little faults. If the dear friend did leave her
children alone for weeks together, while she attended rehearsals, whose business
was it to comment upon the proceeding ? Certainly no one, save her husband,
who (dear, easy man !) seemed to get on very well without her ! And _ if he
was satisfied, surely everyone else might be contented ? As to the dear friend's
reading of her part, the Lady was contemptuously silent. It would have been
quite too absurd to have discussed such a matter ! Then there was the poor
unlucky father of daughters who had been "out" so long a time that they never
seemed likely to go in again! He was a good-natured old Gentleman, who
bravely converted his yawns into a kind of spasmodic smile. Then there was
the popular Amateur Author, whose piece would no doubt some day be pro-
duced at a West End Theatre: for did he not know Irving, and Bancroft,
and Hare, and had they not heard his work several years ago, and liked it very
much indeed ?—who gave more attention to the play than the players. Over
and over again he informed his neighbours that the dramatic writers of
yesterday and to-day wrote sad trash. However, there was a brilliant to-
morrow in store, when his comedy would take the world by storm, and make
the fortune of the Manager lucky enough to secure the right of its production.
So he was, on the whole, contented, and smiled occasionally to himself, as he
considered the great share he was evidently destined to take in the much-
needed regeneration of the British Drama. And there were the usual number
of evening loungers and professional diners and supperers-out. Altogether a
very goodly company.

At last the curtain rose, but I am sorry to say that I have a very faint idea
of what the piece was about. This, no doubt, was my fault, as I am sure
the prompter's voice was unusually distinct. Certainly on one occasion that
all-important official deputed his duties to an amateur, when disaster was the
immediate consequence. But even this afforded amusement, for in his despair

to find the right place, at the urgent "entreaty of the
performer '' fishing for a
word," the well-mean-
ing person emerged from
the wing, and gave an ad-
mirable illustration of
'' anxiety combined with
incompetency."

I suppose the play must
have dealt with the
manners and customs of
some period prior to the
Nineteenth Century, as I
imagine most of the com-
pany appeared in fancy
costumes. The Ladies
seemed to be at home in
their dresses, but the
Gentlemen appeared to be
weighed down with the
well grounded conviction

that they were looking extremely foolish. And so they
did, poor people ! as they tumbled over their swords, and
did not know what to do with those superfluous, not to
say those obtrusive appendages—their hands ! Of course,
there were brilliant exceptions. The life-like Imitator
of the late Mr. Buckstone, and the present Mr. Toole,
was very confident. He pretended to catch flies when
the villain of the piece in a nervous whisper was sen-
tencing the aged lover to death, and was enormously
funny with a telescope when the same aged lover was
bidding, with rather a "plummy" voice, the More-than-
Middle-Aged Heroine " good-bye for ever ! " Then the
Original of Mr. Charles Matthews and Mr. Phelps
showed how badly those lamented histrions had
managed to imitate him. Still, in spite of their failure,
he was full of self-possession, and clearly proved that
the stage upon which he was then performing was
exactly seven sizes too small for him! Them if a fair
representative of a beggar girl was a little indistinct
in her utterance, she gave clear evidence of her complete
comprehension of the character she was assuming, by
wearing every stone of her mother's family diamonds !
Lastly, if the daughter of the house in the concluding
French proverbe, pronounced the foreign language in
which she spoke with a slight accent more suggestive of
Brompton than the Bois de Boulogne, the fault lay rather
with the Gallic tongue than with herself ! Because,

after all, had our lively
neighbours been wise, they
would have simplified mat-
ters by keeping to English !

But all in all the perform-
ance was most successful.
Everyone expressed huge
delight at the pleasure the
play had given. One enthu-
siastic old Gentleman (who it
appeared afterwards was
deaf) was so pleased with
the efforts of the performers,
that he applauded a very
nervous person in the cos-
tume of George the Second
so heartily, that for the
moment the actor was dumb
with confusion, and seemed
to be wandering about _ in
search of a revivifying
" hiss" to set him to-rights ! And at length—the best
feature of the programme was kept for the last—it came
to an end!

TIPS ON TENNIS.

{Wimbledon, July, 1881. Renshaw y. Hartley.)

Tip for the Thirsty.—" Renshaw's Smash" is not a
new summer drink, like Lemon Squash.

Hint for Reporters—-The Times says Mr. Renshaw
was served by his great natural ability. Not at all;
he was served by Mr-Hartley, to the extent of Ms
great natural ability.

New Heading for Proverbial Philosophers.—The cou- e
of a true Love game never does run smooth—for the
loser.

vol. lxxyx