Punch (81.1881)

December 17, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 277

" CONDITION."

Drill Sergeant (to Pecruit). "Throw out your Chest and keep in your
Stomach ! A Soldier should always have a Full Chest akd an Empty
Stomach ! !"

A CHRISTMAS STOEY A LA MODE.

(Written up to the Pictures of any Illustrated Paper.)

Mart and Algernon stood under the mistletoe in the quaint old hall, with
its burning logs and stained glass windows, mixing the Christmas pudding (see
Illustration). They were supremely happy. As their faces almost met, each had
a day-dream. Mary was thinking of the wedding at which she had recently
assisted, with its pompous clergyman, aged bridegroom and lovely bride. She
saw once again the ten bridesmaids in their blue and pink dresses, the beadle
at the porch, and the carriages driving up to the entrance of St. George's,
Hanover Square. It was a stirring scene (see Illustration).

Algernon's day-dream was very different. As he stood under the holly, he
was irresistibly reminded by the red berries of the colour of the British Ensign,
as it had floated over the deck of the Nancy Lee as that good ship, with its deck
crowded with merry mummers, had passed over the line (see Illustration).

"Miss Mary—nay, let me call you Mary—you must have guessed my
secret," he said earnestly.

She was about to answer him coquettishly, when suddenly she started. She
turned quite pale and hurried to the window. Opening it, and holding a candle
in one hand which nickered in the night wind, while with the other she pointed
to a shadowy form, which seemingly was floating- over the snow through the
leafless trees, she exclaimed, " The Ghost! " {see Illustration).

He reassured her. He explained that he had frequently seen the spectre
himself, and therefore was accustomed to its weird presence. He gently closed
the casement, and to amuse her, gave her a description of the Meet held that
morning at Squire Hazelton's. She laughed heartily at his account of the
pack breaking into the cucumber-frames, the alarm of the Parson, the merri-
ment of the red-coated sportsmen, and the pretty but pretended terror of Jenny
Hazelton, the daughter of the house (see Illustration).

When Mary was herself again, Algernon continued the conversation which
the sudden appearance of the spectre had interrupted.

"Mary, you will be mine ! " he cried passionately. " You know how I love
you—surely my love is returned ? "

" And so this is a declaration! " thought Mary. "Ah! it is very different to
the mode adopted by dear Grand-papa ! Grand-mamma has told me a score of
times that he chose the Pump Room at Bath, during a ball at the commence-
ment of the present century, for the scene of his appeal (see Illustration).
Poor Algy ! What shall I say to him ? "

Then he pleaded his cause. He briefly sketched his
life. He told her how, as a boy, he had been to Eton.
How he had engaged in many a game of football (see
Illustration), and had often played at cricket. He
laughed at the recollection of his many mishaps, but
grew graver as he pictured the gathering of the
scholars in the chapel on Sundays (see Illustration).
Then he told her how he had entered at Oxford, how
fond he had been of walking in Christ Church Meadows
during Commemoration (see Illustration), and how he
had managed each term to gee a few days in town, by
entering at an Inn of Court, and eating his dinners at
Lincoln's Inn (see Illustration). When he left Oxford
he told her he had taken a trip abroad. The passage
between Dover and Calais had been rough (see Illustra-
tion). But he soon forgot the terrors of the vasty deep,
when he found himself seated at an al fresco cafe
chantant in the Champs Elysees (see Illustration). Then
he told her of his trip to India. He explained to her
how fond he had been of " big game." He had once, he
said, been nearly killed by a tiger (see Illustration).
Finally he declared that he had loved her from the
moment he had first seen her standing apart from the
giddy throng on Ramsgate Sands (see Illustration), and
again asked her to become his wife, with an earnestness
that caused him to tremble in every limb with emotion.

"Before I answer you," she replied blushingly, "I
think we should exchange confidences." Then she told
him bow she had, as a little girl, been to a juvenile
party in fancy dress (see I/lustration). This had per-
haps given her a taste for dancing, which had lasted all
her life. As she said this, she remembered the delightful
valse she had enjoyed with Lieutenant Yavasseur, of the

- Hussars, at the Court Ball (see Illustration). She

told him how she had never gone to school, but had been
educated at home by governesses, how fond she had been
of Lawn Tennis in the summer (see Illustration), and
how she had always decorated the village church with
evergreens, with the assistance of the youngest of the
Yicar's Curates before Christmas (see Illustration).
Then she confessed that she had lived a very useless
life, and burst out crying. At this moment the old
squire, wearing top-boots and an old-fashioned costume,
entered the room (see Illustration).

"Algernon, mv boy," he exclaimed, "I was prepared
for this. I am glad of it. I believe you will both be
happy. But before I give my consent, come here."_

He led the way into the picture-gallery, and pointed
at the portraits of his ancestors (see Illustration).

" From Baron Percy, who fought at Hastings (see
Illustration), to Sir Charles, who was a constant habituS
at Almack's (see Illustration), not one of these men has
been dishonoured."

Algernon bowed his head respectfully.

"If I give you my daughter," continued the old
Squire, "willyou be as good a husband to your wife, as
they were to theirs f "

Algernon seized the hand of the good old man, and
promised he would.

"Then take her, my lad, take her! (See Illustration.)
And now that matter's settled, let us enjoy ourselves."

And putting his arm affectionately on the shoulder of
his future son-in-law, he entered the hall of Haughton
House, and kept Christmas right merrily in the hearty
English old-fashioned manner (see series of Illustrations,
and extra cut).__ _

The Crown Jewels. Paris.

(Air from " Les Diamante de la Couronne.'")
Gambetta (sings) —

To sell the iew'ls
We should be mules,
Or worse than fools

To part with them !
A few we '11 pop,
The rest may stop _

Until I want a diadem.
[Dances to quick movement, and—exit.

" None of the county gentlemen speak to him now,
said our Mrs. Ramsbotham. "because he 's a Yelocipede.
'' A what ? " we asked. '' A Yelocipede," replied the L ily,
"a person who goes about shooting Foxes, you know.

vol. lxxxi.

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