Punch (81.1881)

November 26, 1881.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 241

A NON-SEQUITUR.

Affable'Old Gentleman [who has halfa minute to spare'). "I suppose now, my

bot, you take a good sum of money during the day ? "

Shoe-black. " Yessur, 'cause lots o' Gintleman, when they wants to
ketch a Train, gives me Sixpence ! "

[Old Gent finds the Sixpence, but in thinking over it afterwards, couldn't see the
connection.

THE DOWNFALL OF THE DADO.

A Drawing-Room Operetta.

"It is said many of the ^Esthetes are weary of their tom-
foolery. They have cut their hair, and returned to their barber
and common sense at the same time."—Weekly Paper.

Air—" Cock-a-doodle-doo."

Tenori.

We 'ye cropped quite short our lengthy hair,
We've smashed up all our crockery-ware,
For daffodils we do not care,

Or even hawthorn blue !
We do not care about Burne- Jones,
We worship not his maidens' bones,
And quite detest his " subtle tones "—

We mock a Dado do !
0 mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do !
[Blue-and-ivhite generally smashed and distri-
buted.

Soprani.

We 're much too sage to wear sage green,

We even sport a crinoline,

And wear a neat high-heeled bottine,

Or tasteful Oxford shoe !
We part and smooth our tawny locks,
From Worth we order all our frocks,
And even sneer at hollyhocks,

And mock a Dado do !
0 mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do !
[Rend hollyhocks, lilies, and other cesthetic flowers,
and strew them about.

Too Tutti.

We now have lots of common sense,

We are not prone to take offence,

If people say we 're not " intense "—
Or hint we 're not " too-too ! "

E'en lilies now we don't adore,

We 're sick of Art and what is more,

Yote Botticelli is a bore
And mock a Dado do!

0, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, mock a Dado, do!
[All seize hatchets, pokers, chisels, and forthwith
proceed to demolish the Dado. Postlethwaite
changes to Cloivn, Maudle to Pantaloon, Pillcox
to Harlequin, and Mrs. Cimabue Brown to
Columbine. General rally. Spill and Pelt.
Scene changes from the Dismal Depths of Dado-
cracy to the Coral Caves of Common Sense.

VERY UNRIPE.

By Miss Eather.
(From our Braddonian Brass Farthing Novel Series.)

So she (Mignon) went into the garden to pick some cherries, and
make a gooseberry fool (of herself'). At the same time a Sham-
Gardener (Sweetheart Number One) popped his head over the wall.
What, no hope ? (This was the agonised inquiry of Sweetheart
Number Two, Philip Rideout, a brilliant " bad lot," with whom
Very Unripe—we mean Mignon—carried on a good hit, until she
found he had betrayed her sister.) So he (Rideout) died, and she
(Mignon) very imprudently married the Gardener. And there were
present (in this Story) the Fantoccini, and the Marionettes, and the
Automata, and the Grand Simulacrum (Lady Romancer's " Love ")
himself, with the little round button (ivhere he is wound up) at top,
and they all fell to playing the game of "let's pretend to be real
live people " till the sawdust ran out of the ends of their fingers.

PITCK.
By Weeder.

I'm a dog who has seen the world. A small Maltese who can hide
in a muff. I know all about muffs. Man is a muff, and I know all
about him. As to woman, she manages the muff, to her own comfort
and advantage. That's canine philosophy in a nutshell. Cynical ?
Pooh ! Here you are ! Avice Dare, vulgar peasant girl and splendid
harpy; Lord Beltran, superb aristocrat and magnificent—muff;
Gladys Gerant, mimosa-like Yirtue, with weak venous system.
Valiant Yaurien, venal Cocotte, virtuous She-baby! Voild!
There's the world, according to nous autres—lady-romancers and
lap-dogs. Pedants and prudes say it's only the half-world, but que
voulez-vous f (when in doubt play a French phrase, the more hack-
neyed the better). Yaliant Yaurien at feet of venal Cocotte. Pour-

quoi? Bah! We live in the world, our world—and lions have
parasites. Parasites "have " lions too, in one sense. Avice "had"
Beltran, to the tune of nine-tenths of his fortune ; then she tried a
change of air. So did he, with the virtuous She-baby. Happiness ?
Pas du tout.' Venal Yice, turning jealous, destroys Yenous Virtue,
by way of revenge on Yaliant Yaurien. Yaliant Yaurien bites his
lips, knots his veins, and curses under his breath— only signs of
broken heart and blasted life that the great God " Form" allows its
votaries—and goes back to the World of Muffs, Mimosas, and Mes-
salinas. Mixture as before. Yenal vice,—Avice—Laura Pearl—
Faustine—Cleopatre—Venus Anadyomene—what you will, goes
on conquering and to conquer. Telle est la vie ! All is vanity—save
Dogs and Dinners!

ADAM AND EYE.

By Mrs. Parradise.

Reuben May, Watchmaker, was evangelical, and loved Eve.
Eve was latitudinarian, and didn't care a fig-leaf for Reuben.
Bidding May March, Eve went in search of Adam. She found him
at Pollparrot—we mean Polperro. She also found there that long-
sought mystery, " the father of Zebedee's children," together with
jovial Jerrem—or Jeremiah—Pascal, and jolly Joan Hocken.
Joan would have liked Adam Pascal for her Darby. She could not
win that Darby. Eve did. Pascal's thoughts were all of Eve.
Eve had one little weakness—coquetry ; Adam two small frailties-
bad temper and smuggling. Hence mischief. Adam and Eve had
a fall—out. Eve flirted with Jerrem ; Adam, enraged, "peached"
on Jerrem. . . . Curse of Adam—by Zebedee. . . . Lamentations
of Jeremiah—by himself. . . . Morning of Eve all mourning, twi-
light hour of Eve all darkness . . . Break-up of smuggling Eden-
expulsion of Adam and Eve. . . . World all before them where io
choose, but no return to the Polperro Paradise. 'Twas an apple
caused the exile of the first Adam and Eve ; a peach brought about
the banishment of the second.

vol. lxxxi.

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