Punch (81.1881)

October 15, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 169

HOW TO IMPROVE LONDON.-No. 3. KENSINGTON GARDENS.

The Round Pond as it should be.

I am happy to say that Kensington Gardens require few sacrifices.
With the exception of the conversion of the old Palace to other uses,
and the removal of the Albert Memorial, nothing in the shape of
radical change is necessary. The aristocratic denizens of the Palace
could be easily accommodated elsewhere. Surely, room might be
found for them at Tilbury Fort or Greenwich Hospital. They might
be permitted to take the fixtures (inclusive of the three sentry-
boxes) with them. Once comfortably located opposite Gravesend and
the Isle of Dogs, they might be permitted to end their days in peace,
unless disturbed by new docks, or the Hospital was required for
some other purpose. As for the Albert Memorial, little is needed.
It happens to be out of the line of sight with the Albert Hall. To
set this right, all that is requisite is to pull it down, and rebuild it
about a dozen feet to the left of its present site. This little altera-
tion can be carried out as simply as possible. Perhaps when it ivas
down some alteration in its form and character might be deemed
advisable. But this is a matter of after consideration.

And before doing anything, it is well to consider the objects of the
Gardens. Well, they may be summed up—(1) to afford an open space
to Londoners; (2) to serve as a recreation-ground for the rising
generation; and (3) for the early rising generation. The first
object is being rapidly attained. Until the last few years
the Gardens were densely wooded. This was inconsistent with
the idea of an open space. But nowadays, thanks to the
vigorous efforts of the Office of Government Works, or some such
bureau, the trees are speedily disappearing. Most of them have
been cut down, and the remainder may be expected to go the way of
all wood immediately the officials return from their autumn holi-
day. The thorough clearing of Kensington Gardens, so as to render
them an "open space" in the widest sense of the word, is conse-
quently within measurable distance. We have only then to think
how the Park can be turned more completely into a recreation-ground
for the three classes above-mentioned.

To commence with the Palace, which has been vacated by its
former aristocratic tenants, who, it will be remembered, have ac-
cepted compensatory apartments at Greenwich and Tilbury. Here we
might have a sort of Pleasure School, something between Christ's
Hospital and the Polytechnic. Amusement should be combined
with instruction. For instance, the general appearance of the kings of
England should be described with the assistance of the ghost illusion,
and the Rules of Ltndlet Murray should be enforced by Mr. George
Buckland with the aid of dissolving views, a hand-organ, and nume-
rous comic songs. A tank should be constructed, and were economy
of space at any time desirable, Mr. King might take a few pupils in
the diving-bell. A branch chemical class might be established at
the Magazine, but of course proper care would have to be taken that
no inconsiderate scholar went too near the gunpowder with a lighted
candle. Naturally, balloons, fire-engines, Gatling guns, and loco-
motives would occupy the grounds round the Palace. " All work
and no play makes Jack a dull boy," and the little ones could use
them as toys. Judges, Doctors, Barristers, and City men constituting
the early rising recreationists could get plenty of exercise here from
seven to eight a.m., with trapezes, poles, giant strides, and so forth.

But, it may be urged, what would the children do in wet
weather ? A recreation-yard under cover would be necessary.
This want might be easily supplied by clearing away the houses of
Kensington Palace Gardens to furnish an appropriate site for "West-
minster Hall. Now that the Law Courts are moving East, this his-

torical structure is no longer needed at St. Stephen's. It might be
pulled down and re-erected. It must be somewhere—why not at the
back of Kensington Palace ? It would not only be useful, but, in its
own way, ornamental.

Some years ago, the making of a proposed road through the
Gardens was successfully opposed on the score that the traffic would
endanger the safety of the juveniles using the grounds. The objec-
tion was a wise one. Nothing can be more dangerous to children
than horses and carriages. But the philanthropists did not carry
the matter far enough. They remained on the defensive instead of
assuming the offensive. They should have possessed the courage of
their opinions, and denounced the adjacent highways. No plan of
improvement can be possibly satisfactory that does not permanently
close the Bayswater and Kensington roads from Hyde Park Corner
to Slater's, the Butcher, on the one side, and from the Marble Arch
to Notting Hill Gate on the other. When these thoroughfares,
together with the existing roads through the Park, are used by foot-
passengers only, children will be able to cross without the continual
chance of being run over. It may be ■ said that the closing will
cause inconvenience. Possibly ; but human life is full of incon-
veniences, and our suggestion for improvement cuts both ways,
which is clearly an advantage. Anyone not understanding this at a
glance, can work it out for himself. Genius is above details.

Accepting the idea that Kensington Gardens are to be used exclu-
sively by infants, we must study the interests of the little ones in
every particular. . For instance : grass after rain is damp to the feet.
Well, remove the whole of the turf, and lay down asphalte, and the
danger of influenza is reduced to a minimum. The Government will
have removed the trees, so that the Park, with its hundreds of acres of
level flooring, will now serve as a capital court for lawn-tennis or
wheel-skating. Thus, with the aid of a little ingenuity, we turn
Kensington Gardens into one of the most remarkable spots in
Europe—not to say the world !

And now we come to the Serpentine. It is deep—too deep for
boys and girls. Fill it up, and divert the water elsewhere. If we
do not keep the Serpentine, it is scarcely likely we shall retain the
Bound Pond. Of course not. So the Bound Pond will be filled up,
too. But here creation takes the place of destruction. The valuable
site, now made available, must be utilised. It has been. The Artist
has caught the idea, and above is the result of his labour.

It will be seen that we have a collection of curiosities. No. 1. is
Temple Bar, surmounted by its own Memorial. Very quaint and
useful. The Griffin will be better here than in the centre of Fleet
Street. No. 2 is the Duke of Wellington's Statue from Hyde Park
Corner. Apsley House will by this arrangement lose its bogey.
No. 3, the Fountains from Trafalgar Square. The St. Martin's Baths
and Washhouses (from whence the squirts were wont to be supplied)
will miss them a little at first, but soon get reconciled to the removal.
No. 4, the facade of the National Gallery, industriously employed in
displaying the clock without hands once attached to the tower of the
New Law Courts. No. 6, the Obelisks from Ludgate Circus and the
Blackfriars Road, "supporting" Cleopatra's Needle (No. 5) from
the Yictoria Embankment. On the summit of the latter the statue
of Achilles from the end of Rotten Row. And that's all!

But why this jumble ? Why ? Why the answer is obvious. We
must do something to amuse the children, and make 'ewt laugh !

And with this kindly proposal I attach my peri-odical signature,

The Peri-Patetic.

vol. lxxxi.

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