Punch: Punch (81.1881)

July 23, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

27

" POLY."

(A New Ballad of the Fleet, sung by a British Tar a propos of the " Polyphemus")

"Air—Polly."

Do you want to know the ugliest craft

That ever put from port ?
Well that's the Poly, the steel rarn'd Poly,

And she's a rare rum sort.
Open your peepers and look my lads,

She's lobbing agen the quay,
The sootiest craft afore and abaft

That ever shamed the sea.
Afloat, afloat, d'ye call her a boat ?

Black deck, no white sails furled !
Poly, grim Poly,
Tame as " loblolly "
The ugliest craft in the world !

Do you want to know the latest thing

To make a true tar dull ?
Well, that's the Poly, this precious Poly,

And darn her dirty hull!
Come, you '11 see the horror a lyin' there,

Like a porpoise heavy with grog ;

Her sides full of rivets, her turret of guns,

Her hull like a lifeless log.
Afloat, afloat, like a leaky boat,
Low down, no sail unfurled ;
Poly, grim Poly,
Our nautical folly,
The ugliest craft in the world !

Do you want a toast to-night, my lads,

Afore we savs good-bye ?
Well, here's short life to the lumbering Poly,

And blarm her hulk, says I.
Fill your grog-glasses high, my lads,

Drink in sepulchral tones :
" May a storm soon send this confounded Poly

To supper with Davy Jones."
Afloat, afloat, is she worth a groat,

When the waves in heaps are hurled ?
Poly, black Poly,
Fraud melancholy,

The ugliest craft in the world !

SUNDAY STAGNATION.

The petitions in favour of Sunday closing of taverns have been so
numerous, as to astonish and impress the Legislature, at least, so we
are told by the friends of wholesale restriction. There are some
bodies that are very easily astonished and impressed, and probably a
Legislature that does everything but legislate is one of these. The
Little Meddlingtons throughout the country, probably boasting
a Member to every two or three hundred voters, have as much power
of impressing and astonishing the weak, as great struggling cities
which do all the work and pay all the taxes, and are only allowed a
Member to three or four thousand voters.

There is a certain kind of intellectual activity, found mostly in
large towns, which is not content merely to pay taxes and go
to bed, and to have one seventh of its life destroyed by Act of
Parliament.

A Chance.

The President of the French Republic has decorated M. Michel
Peiuiin, the Director of the Theatre Francais. We have no exact
equivalent for this honour, but the Manager of our National Theatre
(which we believe is called Drury Lane) might be permitted to appear
at Court wearing any of his own Orders, with the legend, " Not ad-
mitted after seven. Evening dress indispensable." This would be
a delicate compliment to the enterprising Herr Haheis, in whose
Augustan era the Meiningens produced Julius Ccesar.

One eoe J. E. Holland, D.C.L.—A well-informed person suffering
from dyspepsia, ordered The Digest of Justinian under the impression
that it must contain some valuable cure^f or his complaint. "Jus-
tinian's Digest! " exclaimed a Scotch friend on hearing of it; "I '11
have a bottle of it, for it's just inions I'm sufl'erin' fra' mysel'! "