Punch: Punch (81.1881)

72 PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIVARL [August 13, 1881.

SOCIAL SUCCESSES.

Mrs. Ponsoiiby cle Tomkyns at Home—Small and Early.

Brown {who is fighting his way in—to Friendly Party, who holds out his hand).
"Ah, how d'y'do, Mb.—er—I seem to know your Face. Often met you

here before, I fancy, HAv'n'T I ? "

Friendly Party. "Very likely. My Name's Ponsonby de Tomkyns !"

FRAGMENT OF A BRAD LAUGHABLE BALLAD.
Air—" Lord LovelP
* # # # *

He strode and he strode till lie reached the landing,
And then he couldn't " strode " any higher,

And there he saw Mister Inspector Denning,
Who asked him at once to retire—'ire—'ire.
Suggesting that he should retire.

He tackled the Sergeant and his deprive,

A Messenger too in the Lobby,
When in came a lot of Constabularee,—

Mister Bradlaugh he collared a Bobby—'obby—'obby;

But ivas collared too by that Bobby.

They fought and they tussled away down the stairs,
With many a gasp and a guggle,

And poor Daddy Longlcgs, who won't say his prayers,
Lost his collar and tails in the struggle—'uggle—
Lost his temper and tails in the struggle.

Who profits by this ? The reply s not remote,
JNot the Rough, nor the Bobby, nor Gaoler,

But as Mister Bradlaugh must have a new coat,
'Tis a capital thing for his tailor—'ailor—'ailor,
A very good thing for the tailor.

Two Words abotvt Wages.

By accounts from Ireland we learn that, at a meeting
of Irish Labourers lately held at Drogheda, a resolution
was " adopted declaring that a fair day's wage should
be given for a fair day's work." It was natural of
Irish Labourers to adopt that resolution, which, how-
ever, to improve their condition at all, obviously requires
to be adopted also by Irish farmers.

Query for the next Social Science Congress :—In a
climate like that of Ireland, or England either, are a
fair day's wages sufficient remuneration for a wet day's
work .

Revival of the Unfittest.

The custom of having a prize-fight as a supplemen-
tary amusement to horse-racing, which originated this
year at Epsom, has been continued at Goodwood. The
patrons of this entertainment were all '' well-known to
the police," but were too distinguished to be prosecuted.
There is all the difference in the world between those
who fill the Court Guide and those who live in Alleys.
Interesting publication sen. Alley Guide would be. Many
of the residents would prefer an Alley-hi.

THE REWAKD OF MERIT.

[An Imperial Tragi-Comedy—not adapted from the French.)

" The Civil List Pensions are a miserable recognition of tlie claims of
Literature, Science, and Art on the part of the richest nation in the world."

ACT I.

Scene—A. Public Banquet. Distinguished Literary Celebrity dis-
covered in Chair, supported by Highly Enlightened Minister,
and surrounded by brilliant gathering of Social and, Artistic
Notabilities. Much enthusiasm.
Highly Enlightened Minister [concluding the speech of the evening).
And now, as 1 am resuming my seat, let me make one brief but very
sincere avowal. Flattered as I am by the generous welcome that
you have accorded to my unambitious remarks, honoured as I feel
by association at this banquet with the cultured, the learned—I may
say the splendid—company I see around me, believe me, to me the
great, the unique privilege of my present position is the distinction
it confers on me in allowing me, in ever so humble a way, to support
the illustrious philosopher, sage, and genius who, on this occasion,
has condescended to adorn our Chair. {Loud and prolonged cheers.)
Yes, my Lords and Gentlemen—and that hearty expression of sym-
pathy gives me the courage to confess it—whatever may be my ulti-
mate bourne in the Wallialia of official renown, no event of my
public career will impress me with a deeper sense of dignity unwor-
thily conferred, than the proud, the supreme moment in which I had
the honour of shaking hands with the great President around whom
we are assembled to-night.

[Treinendous cheering, during which the toast is drunk " three
times three," amidst indescribable enthusiasm.

ACT II.

Scene—An official room. Highly Enlightened_ Minister, discovered
looking over papers, and giving general instructions to Well-
informed Private Secretary. An interval of twelve months has
been supposed to elapse between Acts I. and II., during which
Distinguished Literary Celebrity has been carried with much
honour to a suburban cemetery.

Highly Enlightened Minister {concluding morning's social gossip).
Yes, and the Old Earl behaved handsomely all round. The butler
has been pensioned off; and all the old dependants have been
generously treated. And quite right, too. Good service should have
its meet reward,—eh ? {turning over several documents). Talking
of service, I hear that that capital cook at Dinover's only gets a
hundred a year.

Well-informed Private Secretary. Dear me ; and he's worth five !

Highly Enlightened Minister. Quite! {Selecting a paper). Ha!
Here we are. Old What's-his-name's daughter : why, it's only a year
ago I met the old fellow somewhere—some public dinner {turning
paper over). Hum !—the claim is backed strongly—so, I suppose
she must have a slice {refers to note). Ah P I see it's settled; so you
may as well write and let 'em know. I dare say somebody Is
anxious.

Well-informed Private Secretary {taking papers). Thanks.
{Looks at them.) You didn't mention the figure.

Highly Enlightened Minister {already deep in something else).
Fifty. {Stillreflecting.) Fancy Dinover's cook only a hundred!
Why, it isn't the salary of a crossing-sweeper ! Ha ! ha ! That it isn't!
'[ Goes on with his business, while Well-informed Secretary offici-
ally removes " somebody'1 s anxiety " as Curtain falls.

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