Punch: Punch (81.1881)

August 20, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 75

THE SWEETS OF LEARNING.

> v>v—

Punch to the Vice-President,

" Progress unbroken, continuous, steady" !

Bravo, Mttndella ! Our praises axe ready.

" Per-centage of passes is 81*2," Sir ?

"Well, that, for the present, will probably do, Sir.

"Four millions now on the rolls." 'Tis a number

Which shows that the Lord of " Three Pt's " does not slumber.

True " sweets of learning." John Bull will " sland Sam,"LSir,

With pleasure, all round, only don't over-cram, Sir.

This "fightfor the Standards" is gallant as any,

And wiser than most, but—well, don't raise too many.

Verb, sap., modern guard of the spring called Pierian:

And here's to your health, Sir ; long life, and a merry 'un!

A Timely Warning.

These are the days in which the advertisements of house-agents,
house-proprietors and house-letters are rampant, and it may be well
to warn the too trusting Cockney of one or two signs by which he
may infallibly detect the hidden trap. Advertisements beginning
" To lovers of fruit," " A perfect paradise," " Opening of the plum
season," &c, are to be carefully avoided, and any advertisement
beginning with Pus in TJrbe should be classed with the " Confidence
Trick," or the "Three Card Trick" in the railway carriage.

Absolutely Perfect!

The Criminal In(ve)stigation Department has issued its annual
report, and the Defective Police is declared to be absolutely perfect.
No allusion is made to the undiscovered murders in Bloomsbury,
Cannon Street, Coram Street, Hoxton, Euston Square, Burton
Crescent, Harley Street, &c. &c. The Chief of this Department, like
the rest of the world, is doubtless bent upon holiday-making. _ Let
us suggest Chatham. The murderer of Lieutenant Poper is still at
large, and a thousand pounds is offered for his discovery.