Punch: Punch (81.1881)

84

[August 20, 1881.

(C

CROQUIS" BY DUMB-CRAMBO JUNIOR.

Hunting the Slipper. A Too-toorist. A Carry-Kate-tourist.

Moorings. The Jetty. Going to Margate (Market ?).

TOO-TOO AWFUL !

A Sonnet of Sorrow. By Oscuro Wildegoose.

" According to the Cape Argus, the Town Council of Gra-
hamstown lately had a serious discussion on the subject, ' "What
is a Dado?' and the Mayor vaguely conjectured that it was
possibly ' an ecclesiastical term.' "

Dark Continent ? Tea, truly dark as Styx,
And blind as bat noctivagant. It shocks
The soul to find this noodle rout of Nox
Floundering in such an ignominious fix.
Is life worth, living ? Mallock, no ! Blank nix
Symbols its worth in nescience so complete,
Dull to high Light, unsapient of the Sweet.
Back to the days of lanthorns and rush-wicks
Prone plunges palsied fancy at the thought
Of that crepuscular Council. Life is nought
Till Culture's crescent grows full plenilune.
" What is a Dado f " Weep till all is blue,
Te who had hoped to see our planet soon
Lapped in the Elysian Limbo of Too-Too !

Lord Rosebery.

Now that the Seldom-at-Home-Secretary has got a
young, active, and reforming lieutenant, in the person of
Lord Rosebebt, there is some chance of a little parochial
legislation. The Meddlevex Magistrates, Mud-Salad
Market, the Defective Police, and other subjects that are
not grand or heroic, or within the domain of Universal
Politics, may possibly get a little attention. Lord Rose-
behy has started well. He has resigned his connection
with the Greeks.

FOE GAMBETTA OE WOESE ?

(A few opportune hints to French candidates, picked up under the table
of a Belleville Restaurant.)

Before soliciting a suffrage or giving a vote, remember that the
elan of yesterday may carry your programme of to-day much further
than you expected to-morrow. If it does this, do not forget your
duty to your unified country, which is your duty to yourself: Go
with it!

If you are an elector, bear in mind that the platform shibboleth
you least understand is that to which you should most devotedly pin
your faith. If a great, illustrious, and singularly disinterested
Statesman, who never passes a week without " saving'the country,"
tells you to vote for the candidate who will ensure you the '' solidarity
and indivisibility of the Republic," go blindly to the ballot-box, and
await the future with the calm confidence of an easily satisfied
patriot. Do not forget the aphorism of your great countryman, " a
Frenchman if you will,—but first a fool."

If you are a candidate for election, see that your qualifications are
adequate. The authorship of a few scurillous articles in an obscure
provincial paper, should prove to you a valuable recommendation in
the eyes of the electors. But be quite sure you have not studied politics
for more than a fortnight, and keep before you continually the vital
fact, that the less you are practically acquainted with them the
better qualified you will be to direct, and possibly complicate, public
affairs. If possible, be at the mercy of some wire-puller. This will
make you even still more useful to the vast Genius that controls the
destinies of your country. And above all, speak without reflection
or reserve, remembering that the true, that is the successful politician,
does not court the intelligence, but flatters the whims of his audience.
If warmly cheered, speak in one sense: if faintly, in another : and
impress yourself with the conviction that that policy alone is sound,
which, promulgated by you with applause over the soup, you are
prepared to execrate and to hoot with the dessert.

Finally, all of you, candidates and electors, remember your last
duty to i'etoi." Need I remind you who personifies that f

Trie Medical Congress.

This gathering of all the talents from all parts of the medical
world, has probably not broken up a day too soon. The Doctors
have enjoyed themselves immensely, but, in the meantime, what has
become of the unfortunate patients ? There are some patients who
get better, and some worse, when their family Doctor leaves them.
In the first place it is bad for the Doctors ; in the second it is bad for
the patients.

"A DAY IN THE COUNTRY."

{According to Mr. W. Fowler.)

Oir, it was a dreadful sight!

Here was a noisy roysterer of some six summers (and as many
winters), wickedly sucking a demoralising sugar-stick! There was
another infant (equally reckless) deeply drinking
a foaming goblet of maddening sherbet! Who
could behold such things without a shudder !

And see, the Van approaches ! It has stopped,
before entering the forest, to—(oh, the shame of
it!)—to water the horses! And the result?
The abandoned children (abandoned in every
sense) have actually been treated to corrupting
buns and heart-destroying lemonade! Nay,
more ! Amongst that giddy, delirious throng
there are those who have partaken freely of that
malignant beverage, ginger-beer!
Oh dear ! Shame ! shame ! shame !
As it has already been written (in a letter from the House of
Commons to the Times), "it is shocking, even to the easy-going
parent, to see children thus 'treated,' and that great 'reverence'
which is due to the young, apparently forgotten by those who are
for the time in the parents' place."

Oh yes ! Shocking ! shocking ! shocking !

And it is far better to denounce these horrible things (even when
the denunciation is printed in an obscure corner of a back column on
"our outer sheet") than to send a contribution of a widely different
kind to a Fund giving thousands of poor children one bappy day a
year in the country !

A Revelation.

I doted, I'm free to confess, on her hair,
It was wondrously long and so charmingly fair ;
And so when one evening we walked on the Pier,
I whispered the tenderest words in her ear.

Then a strong wind uprose, and she blushed rosy red-
As it blew all that beautiful hair off her head;
She was bald as an egg, and I blest that hard breeze,
For disclosing that fact by the shimmering seas.

episcopal methodism.

Ojt Wednesday, last week, the Bishop of ST. AxBan's consecrated
a new parish church, replacing an old one, at Wesley, near Colchester.
Oysters! Fancy a Bishop consecrating a Wesleyan edifice !

To OosajjarosBSiCTs— The Editor dots not hold himulf bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In n# com can these be returned unlets accompanied 6jf a

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