Punch: Punch (81.1881)

October 22, 1881.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVAKI.

189

HUNTING BISMARCK.

From Our Own Correspondent under the Table,

Most people have to get up uncommonly early to take me in, and
Bismauck Is one of the number. When he drew his front blinds
down at his old house in Berlin, and the official journals said he was
at Yarzin, I avoided all the diplomatic celebrities in town, and care-
fully watched the man who provides his dogs-meat. What I saw
was enough for me. So many pounds of meat a day—mean a dog in
the house—a dog in the house means Bismarck's dog, and Bismarck's
dog means Bismarck himself.

So man who cannot live without servants is his own master, though
he may govern millions. On a given night in a given room, I found
myself under the great man's table. A knock was heard at the door,
and a valet entered with a knowing look.

" The person you expected, Sir, about the balloons."

It was Gambetta disguised as an Englishman.

" He may well say balloons," said the Man of Iron. " I thought
you'd started in one, and drifted into the Baltic."

" You stop at home," said G., " and don't know what I've suf-
fered to get here. I reached Cologne, and found two hundred
reporters at my heels. I changed clothes with an Englishman—a
friend of Whiike's—and went to England, returning here by way
of Hamburg. Twice across that dreadful Channel! Ugh ! "

" Take some brandy," said B. ; " you '11 find it on the table. The
supper has been waiting since last Thursday."

This conversation, it is needless to say, was carried on in several
foreign languages.

/' I cannot congratulate you on German cooking," said Gambetta,
with his mouth full of something that might have been roast pork
and stewed prunes, but was probably some variety of sausage.
We live mostly on beer," said the great wire-puller.
What then becomes of the good Rhein Yfein ? " asked G.
We smg about it," returned B., " but never drink it. Pass the
claret.

" French, of course ? " said Gr.

" Well, it's not Alsatian," retorted B.

" I thought bygones were to be bygones ? " inquired Gr.

I pricked up my ears.

" A good phrase, which I believe comes from England," said B.,
more convivially. "Let Bourgoynes be Bourgoynes. Pass the
Bourgoyne, and sing us a song."

G., with a command of German which fairly astonished me, im-
mediately broke out with the following lyric, which is like something
1 have heard in England :—

" Gute morgen, mein herren, und sleipen sie wohl,
Und Sauer-Kraut isn't so bad ;
Und sweiner-fleisch makes you a very good meal,
When no other food's to be had ;

" Und Unter den Linden's a veiy fine place,
Though hotels there I find rather dear
But where they make Hockheim, und what it's made of,
I haven't the slightest idea."

B. roared at this song, and thumped the table till I thought the
whole structure would collapse on the top of me, and G., encouraged
by his host's hilarity, was equally joyous. It was gratifying to see,
or rather to hear, two such hard-working and important men enjoy-
ing themselves, as if no such troublesome problem existed as the
Balance of Power.

I had several attacks of cramp before the French Statesman rose
to go, and then he was ten minutes finding his hat, which he had
placed on his chair, and sat upon. As the night was wet, the Man
of Iron kindly lent him an umbrella. G.'s last words, as B. let him
out by the back door, were, " Give my compliments to the Guv'nor,
but not a word about this visit. Strict Q..T. Comprenezf"'

B. followed his guest down-stairs, and no sooner were their backs
turned, than B.'s infernal dog rushed into the room after the frag-
ments of the feast, and immediately scented me under the table.
He " went for me" in preference to the food, and I had barely
time to get to the window, with my clothes considerably damaged,
when the Man of Iron re-appeared at the back door, and at once
grasped the situation!

OUR CHANGE AND BAETEE COLUMN.

GHOOTING BOX EXTRAORDINARY.—A landed proprietor who,
O owing to a sudden and unforeseen disagreement with a Water Company,
has been obliged to cut off the entail, is desirous of meeting with a purchaser,
of sporting tastes, to whom the valuable freehold of nearly a quarter of an
acre of wild forest moorland, well stocked with game, and situate within two
minutes' walk of five metropolitan railway stations, would prove an attractive
consideration. Eed deer, quite tame, may.be stalked, and salmon netted in a
neighbouring park all the year round, while grouse and partridge shooting,
for which no licence is required, begins at any season, entirely at option of
owner. The fixtures, whicn. consist of the handsome Venetian blinds, a pack
of highly trained staghounds (poodles), who are accustomed after the day's
run to give an entertainment in a neighbouring circus, and a man who is
permanently in possession, can be taken at a valuation. Fine opportunity
for a parvenu, wishing to figure in next edition of Burke's Landed Gentry.
Would treat liberally with a foreign sportsman.—Apply Tally-Owe, The
Duffers, Dulwich,

n REAT BARGAIN.—A West Indian Chief for sale. This unique
VJ and valuable lot to be disposed of at once. Purchase-money will in-
clude, pot of paint, beads, muzzle, and a consignment of uncles, shipped by
last mail, and now on their way to Europe. In prime condition. Gives
effective Music Hall sketch with war-whoop, and fixed bayonet leap. Illus-
trates boomerang practice at evening parties, and finds his own rum. No
objection to eat live turkeys, if required, and make himself generally useful.
Might easily be trained to give serious address at Missionary meeting, or
travel, in cage, with provincial wild-beast show, and do comic business at
feeding time as " the Missing Linx." Could act as tutor to a young noble-
man about to complete his education by a visit to the Garra-Warra Islands,
or accept a professorship at a war-dancing academy. Thoroughly understands
how to use the tomahawk, and can give references. As present proprietor is
only retiring from business in consequence of severe recent injuries to his
scalp, he would arrange on easy terms on the three years' hire system,
or exchange for collection of postage stamps. No offer refused. Can be in-
spected with perfect safety through area railings between the hours of 6 and
8 a.m. daily.—Apply on premises. 151a, The New Cut. S.

HERALDIC AND CONFIDENTIAL.—A Knight of the Garter, who
in consequence of a family bereavement, is retiring from active diplo-
matic life, wishes to dispose of the accoutrements and insignia of the order
quietly by private arrangement. As the plumed hat, mantle, and duplicate of
the Star are in good condition, a purchaser without ancestors could not fail to
find this an excellent opportunity of supplying an hereditary deficiency.
Would also be a great acquisition to a young tragedian wishing to give an
entirely new reading of Hamlet. Would take in exchange a dozen of a light
dry dinner-sherry. Also be glad to do business with foreign potentates,
getting in their winter stock. No agents. As this advertisement is thoroughly
genuine, sixpence in stamps must be enclosed as guarantee of good faith.—
Apply K. G., Dodges' Library, Windsor Flats.

USEFUL WORK OF ART.—A Landlord of refined tastes, who has
suddenly, through the operation of a sheriff's warrant, become possessed
of a life-sized wax effigy of Napoleon the Third, for which he has no imme-
diate use, would be glad to meet with an enterprising purchaser who could
turn it to advantage. Would be of inestimable value to a first-class exhibition
having a serviceable cast of countenance specially designed for general use.
Has already figured as William the Conqueror, the Elder Pitt, George
Washington, Prince Bismarck, the late Sir Kobert Peel, Dr. Johnson,
and several celebrated criminals. Can roll one eye and take snuff'if required.
Would prove a handsome and appropriate wedding present to a young
literary couple interested in research ; or could be case-hardened and serve as
the figure-head of a river steamer. Open to an offer. Might be melted down
into an excellent lip-salve. Glad to hear from the authorities at South
Kensington Museum by letter to Confucius, Post Office, Fogmore.